“I’m…” I sound as if I have a frog in my throat, which makes them all laugh. “I don’t know, but I’ll find out. I’m sure you guys are hungry. Just think, after the first stop, we’ll be staying in hotels most of the time.”
“Yes!” Quinn fists pumps. “You guys, the hotels are so awesome and they bring you all the food you want. My dad doesn’t care if I jump on the bed either.”
“Yes I do, I just never catch you doing it.”
Quinn’s head whips around. I’m not sure if he’s in trouble or not. Harrison winks at him, causing Quinn to smile so wide he shows his missing teeth.
“How do you wake her up?”
“Like this.” Before I can say anything, Peyton slaps Elle so hard that she starts crying. Harrison stands and moves Elle away from Peyton’s fury. I pull Peyton aside.
“What is wrong with you?” I’m trying to look at Peyton, but can’t take my eyes off of Harrison and Elle. He’s holding her, rubbing her back where her sister hit her.
She crosses her arms and looks away.
“What’s going on out here? You’d think we were travelling with a zoo?” Liam says.
He and Josie join our early morning circus. Josie takes Elle from Harrison, who doesn’t look happy. Liam ruffles Noah and Quinn’s hair all while Peyton glares at me. I take her hand in mine and walk her down the aisle to my small bunkroom. Whoever said travelling by tour bus was easy is so mistaken. Our rooms are barely wide enough to fit a twin bed and one of our bunks has two grown men in it.
“What’s going on, Peyton? Why did you hit your sister?”
“I felt like it.”
“That’s not a good enough answer and you know it’s not okay to hit.”
“Elle hits me.”
“Peyton-”
“NO! You always take her side. She hits me all the time and you never do anything about it because she’s your favorite and I was daddy’s favorite and he’s gone so I have no one.” She yells at the top of her lungs, loud enough that everyone on the bus hears her. She has tears running down her face. I reach for her, but she hits my hand. She doesn’t want me to touch her.
The door opens. Liam is standing there. He looks at me and then to Peyton. He picks her up and holds her in his arms. A moment later, his door shuts. I step out and try to listen, but he’s whispering to her. I can hear her crying and I can’t do anything about it. I can’t comfort either of my children.
Josie wraps her arms around me, holding me close. “We’re stopping soon. Everyone is just cramped and not used to being cooped up for so long. She’ll be fine.”
“What if she’s not?”
“Then we’ll figure it and go from there. Maybe the girls need to see a therapist or something when we get back. They might want to talk to someone who isn’t their mom.”
“Elle had a nightmare last night. I didn’t even hear her crying, Harrison did. He went and got her and when I tried to take her, she wouldn’t let go of him. He fell asleep in the chair with my baby wrapped in his arms and all I could do was sit there and watch another man hold Mason’s daughter.”
Josie pulls back and looks at me, her hands resting gently on my cheeks. “Mason would approve of Harrison, Katelyn. You should give him a chance.”
She walks away, not waiting for answer, but I give her one anyway. “I can’t.”
I have my routine on the day of a show. It starts with a run at the nearest park, away from the hotel and the constant pampering. This was always frowned upon by Sam, but it helped me keep a clear head. She was always worried I’d bring back some groupie. The way I saw it, if they could keep up with me, they deserved to come back and hang out.
After my run, I seek out a local coffee shop and grab a cup and walk back to the hotel. Breakfast follows, then a shower before heading to the venue for rehearsal. A very mundane routine, when you think about it.
As I wake in the comfort of a down comforter and Egyptian cotton sheets with a snoring Quinn beside me, I know my routine can stay the same. I can get up and do the same things I’ve done over and over again, or I can change. The question is, how much do I need to change before she notices me for me? I see the way she looks at my tattoos. She definitely doesn’t look at Liam like that, just me. I don’t know why, but I want to change it.
I had planned to talk to her last night when we pulled in. Thought about calling her down to the hot tub with some excuse, but nothing I came up with was plausible. I almost stooped as low as bringing Josie into my devious plan, but knew I was asking for trouble.
Instead, I stood outside my door and watched her open hers. She looked at me briefly before the heavy door separated us, the loud clank sealing my fate yet again.
I stare up at the ceiling, wondering if I could count the tiny specks before Quinn wakes up and demands breakfast. The problem with this logic is that my eyes blur before I can even get passed five. Chalk up another failure.