Chapter Nine
Mayson cuddled in Holt’s arms, satisfaction warming her body in easy relaxation. Had she ever felt anything like what was between them?
His arms tightened around her shoulders, pulling her against his chest as his breathing evened out, and she knew she’d never been anywhere close to what was between them. Had never known anything like this.
“I can hear you thinking.” Holt tickled her ribs lightly before opening his eyes on a smile. “How can you be thinking at all? I think I lost every last brain cell I possessed.”
“I guess that means I started with more.”
“Cheeky.”
She hesitated for a moment, the feeling not unlike the time she went skydiving. There was that moment, just before she jumped, where she wondered what she was possibly thinking.
And then she’d leapt.
“I was thinking about your merger offer.”
“Oh?”
“I’m beginning to think the idea may have some merit.”
“Most of my ideas usually do.” The cocky grin that accompanied the comment had her sitting up and dragging the covers over her body.
“I’m serious.”
“And I’m not?”
The playfulness was a new side to him, and she marveled at it. While she was loath to end the lighthearted conversation, marriage wasn’t a simple decision. “I’ve given the idea of marriage a lot of thought. I’m open to it, but I think we need an exit clause.”
“Why?”
She laid a hand on his arm. “For both of us, Holt. I watched my mother live in an untenable situation her whole life out of some misguided sense of duty.”
“Those were her choices.”
“I know that. I do. And I know I’m not being fair. To this day I don’t know why she stayed. Why she allowed her marriage to become such a farce when her own children thought she’d be better off divorced than staying where she was. But I need to know I have an exit strategy.”
“A golden parachute?”
“Exactly. And you should want the same.”
“Don’t assume you know what I want.” His voice was low, and not for the first time she had an image of him leading a business meeting or closing a major deal. The man was lethal, and a light shiver ran down her spine.
He’d be a formidable adversary.
She fought to maintain her cool. Her outburst that morning had been satisfying in the moment, but hardly productive. If she was going to make her point, she needed to do it in a way that he understood.
In business terms.
“It’s not an assumption when it’s practical.”
“Life isn’t practical. We’re not practical.” He pulled her close, the frustration in his words translating to the hard press of his lips, as if he could impress his thoughts upon her through their bodies. As always, that steady, ever-present attraction flared to life. Wasn’t that the very definition of their relationship? The immediate attraction between them. The meeting at the wedding, followed by their reintroduction at Keira and Nathan’s party. The last few weeks, full of the odd push-pull as they tried to get on firmer ground. Steadier footing.
It would be so easy to mistake that for something deeper and simply fall in love with him.
Love?
The thought caught her off-guard and she stilled in his arms. It was only when Holt shifted, burying his head in her neck as if to keep her close, that she moved once more, settling into his arms. She couldn’t be in love with Holt Turner, couldn’t even give it room to take root in her mind.
Love wasn’t a business meeting. It wasn’t a merger. It wasn’t rational.
What she had with Holt was all of those things, not love.
It couldn’t be.
…
The lights of the George Washington Bridge came into view as Holt navigated them home down the West Side Highway. Mayson hid a yawn behind her hand, marveling at how much help he’d been at the camp.
“You made a huge difference this weekend. Thank you for going with me. And thanks for driving. This ride has seemed light-years faster since I’m not doing it by myself.”
“The charity’s got a great foundation. They’ll get through their property mess, it’s just going to take time and patience.”
“Time is the one thing they don’t have.” Mayson tugged on the back of her ponytail. “They need to be able to make room for more children.”
“It’ll happen. The owners have a good growth plan and they’ll get there.”
“That’s nice to hear.”
“I thought about our conversation. About the golden parachute.”
“Oh?”
“I’m not looking for an easy out.”
“Neither am I.”
“You suggested it.”
The urge to tug on her hair gripped her once more, so she diligently folded her hands in her lap. “I suggested we be smart about where we are and why we’re making decisions. There’s a difference.”
“Smart?”
Almost of its own accord, her hand slipped to rest over her still-flat stomach. “Smart and safe.”
“I usually avoid smart and safe like the plague.”
“And look where it’s gotten both of us.”
Holt reached for her hand and she slipped hers in his larger one, clasping his fingers so their palms met. “We’ll figure it out.”
She wanted to believe him—did believe him when he claimed this was what he wanted—but what would happen when he grew tired of her? Of them once it was her and the baby? The day would come when he’d feel trapped.
It would have to. No one got off to a start like theirs and ended up not feeling like they were forced into it at some point. Because no matter how he framed up a union between the two of them, nothing changed the fact that if it weren’t for the baby, they wouldn’t be discussing marriage at all. And no matter how she was coming to feel about him, that point didn’t sit well with her.
…
Mayson stared at the oversized fashion closet in the McBride Media building and sighed with ecstasy. “This was a great idea, Keira.”
Her sister had suggested it after they finished up their morning meetings, and it hadn’t taken either of them long to carve out some time in their schedules to make the unscheduled trip.
“Ooh. What about this one?” Keira held up a designer sheath, intricate beadwork filling the bodice before falling into a subtle train. “It’s gorgeous.”
Mayson patted her stomach. “And likely a bit too form-fitting.”
“Point taken.”
Keira busied herself with one long rack while Mayson indulged her love of shoes. “We need to come in here more often.”
“I make a weekly pilgrimage.” Her sister turned from the rack with a quick squeal of excitement. “Mayse. Come here and look at this one.”
She knew before Keira had the dress up on one of the elevated racks they used to display clothing that it was the one. “It’s beautiful.”
“And it’s going to look beautiful on you.”
In moments, she was buttoned up in the dress, the long waves of silk falling artfully away from her waist. The design was simple and elegant, reminding her of something from the twenties. Maybe it was the moment, seeing herself in white. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones that seemed to increase by the day. Maybe it was just the overwhelming sense that her life was on an out-of-control roller coaster. With flustered motions, she dragged at the sleeves. “Take it off. Get it off me, please.”
“Mayson?”
“Get it off!”
Keira made quick work of the dress, fetching a small robe for her to cover up with. After hanging the gown up once more, she took a seat on the small stool next to Mayson’s knee. “Want to tell me what that was all about?”
“I can’t tell you something I don’t know myself.”
“Try.”
“I’m scared.”
Keira gripped her hand. “Of course you are. Do you think that’s not normal somehow?”
“It’s the way it’s happening. All at once. Three months ago I didn’t know the man existed, and now I’m trying on wedding dresses and having his baby. It’s too much.”
“It’s life.”
The discomfort she tried to hide the night before in the car ride home rose up to swamp her once more, and she gave in and admitted the unanswerable question she was afraid to put to words. “What if we’re Mom and Dad?”
“You and Holt?”
“Yes.” She thought of the life growing inside of her. Thought of their obstacles to happiness. “If we weren’t having a baby, he wouldn’t have asked me to marry him.”
“True.” Keira nodded, her gaze warm and her grip firm. “But you are having a baby and he did ask you to marry him.”
“And getting married helps his business objectives.”
“Also true. You give him a legitimacy that does matter in the eyes of some.”
Phrased that way, she saw the truth in her sister’s words. While Teddy Craddick might be heavy-handed in his approach to the people he did business with, she wasn’t immune to the expectations others carried into business. While personal lives were meant to be kept separate, she’d seen the measure of respect that had increased toward Keira now that her sister had a wedding band on her left hand.
The shift was subtle, but distinct. Marriage meant you were an adult. It meant you’d embraced society’s expectations for you and took your rightful and responsible place.
Having a baby only solidified that expectation.
“He doesn’t love me and I don’t love him.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
Mayson knew her sister had opinions, but whatever they were, Keira kept them to herself. When she did finally speak, it was to point at the dress. “It’d be a shame to leave that in here and risk having it snapped up by someone else. You can keep it for a few days while you decide.”
“I’d like that.”
…
Holt glanced at the painting of the woman in the blue dress that hung on his office wall and smiled to himself. He’d done that often today, he knew, and couldn’t shake the good mood that had carried him straight through the weekend and on into Monday morning. The bold strokes of Annette’s painting weren’t that of a master, but they’d been applied lovingly, and there were few things in his life he knew he treasured more.
The buzz of his phone pulled him from his post-weekend musings, a direct reminder that he had work to do. “Yes, Gloria?”
“Teddy Craddick called to check your schedule. Are you free to meet him for lunch at noon?” Gloria named off a small Italian restaurant on the Upper East Side. Small and quaint, the selection was meant to send a message. I don’t need sass and flash.
Where he’d have been disdainful of the choice even a few weeks ago, in a moment of clarity, Holt had to acknowledge the selection fit. “I’ll be there.”
He spent the next hour preparing his thoughts and working through his approach to the meeting. Despite his deep interest in doing the deal and ultimately making things right for what Teddy and his wife had lost at the hands of his mother, he also knew if the opportunity didn’t play out, he needed to let this one go.
…
The hostess led Holt to Teddy’s table, the subtle hum of lunch conversation and the scents of warm, fresh bread filling his senses. They exchanged the requisite pleasantries before he took his seat.
“My legal counsel and I have reviewed your proposal, and we’re all impressed.”
“That was my intention.”
“You’re aiming to turn back a significant number of profits to my company.”
Holt could recite the proposal from memory, and he leaped at the chance to make the deal. “By outsourcing some of the space, you stand to benefit from the overarching investment, while also sustaining tenant income. I’ve got prospective clients already lined up, very few questions asked. The Craddick Inc. reputation has a way of making people interested in signing on the dotted line.”
“And what do you get?”
A clear conscience. “Ample profits for brokering the property.”
“Anything else?”
“What else do I need?”
Teddy sat back, his assessing gaze sharp across the small able. “That’s what I can’t figure out. I meant what I said up in Rhode Island. Your reputation is one of cold indifference. So I keep asking myself why you’d make this project so lucrative for me?”
“You’re taking on the risk. Why shouldn’t you reap the reward?”
“Nope. Too easy. What else?”
Holt heard the questions layered under the questions and had to acknowledge Teddy Craddick was a lot sharper than he’d given him credit for. He’d done six of these deals to date, and not one of the recipients had questioned the benefits he offered.
“I consider this deal a loss leader. You want to know if I’m worthy of handling your business. I’ve increased the incentives for you to give me a trial run.”
“No one does that.”
“Well, I am.”
“So you’re devaluing your contribution to get my business?”
Holt shrugged, the cool indifference he was known for serving him well. “I have a long-term vision.”
“I’m not convinced.”
“Perhaps you and your wife would care to join Mayson and me for dinner? I can give you a better sense of my plans and my future direction then. Something small and informal.”
For the first time, he saw a crack in the other man’s careful veneer. “Dinner with you and Mayson?”
“You name the time and place.”
“I’ll talk to my wife and follow up.”
Holt tossed his napkin down a half hour later, still charged up from lunch. He’d lingered over another cup of coffee to handle a quick call after Craddick left, and could still taste the sweet moment of victory at the man’s change of heart. He knew how to close deals and that experience told him Teddy was close to signing on the dotted line.
And if he couldn’t shake the slight kernel of guilt at dropping Mayson’s name in the conversation, he could live with that. She’d basically agreed to the wedding over the weekend. Dinner with Teddy and his wife would be the perfect place to begin announcing their plans with old friends.
He took one last sip of his coffee and pocketed his phone as a familiar voice floated over his shoulder. “Busy lunch?”
Turning toward his mother, he put on his most humorless smile as he stood from his chair. “Eavesdrop much?”
“Just keeping an eye on my favorite son.” She pointed to the seat Teddy had vacated. “Join your mother for a cup of coffee.”
“I’ve got plans.”
“So do I.” She settled her hands in her lap, looking for all the world like a lady who lunched. “I think you might want to hear them.”
He took his seat, that wash of helplessness that had ridden him since childhood clamping around his ankles like steel bars. Even now, long after he’d escaped her influence, she was here. And she made him feel small. He gritted his teeth against the emotion, willing it to subside by sheer force of will.
He wasn’t that young boy any longer. He had options. And he had power of his own.
The hazel eyes, so like the ones he saw in the mirror each morning, shifted as she gazed around the room. “I had a lovely time in France.”
“I’m delighted.”
Their waiter brought fresh cups of coffee, and Eloisa drew out the moment as she doctored hers. “It’s a lovely villa, but it does need a woman’s touch.”
Warning bells clicked in the back of his mind, but he said nothing as he took a sip of his own coffee. The rich flavor was bitter on his tongue as he waited for his mother to speak.
“You know, Holt, when I came to you a few weeks ago, I had a rather lucrative business proposition to share with you.”
“I’ve already given you my opinions on doing business together.”
She took a delicate sip of her coffee. “I’m amazed at how many things you seem to feel are so beneath you. I’ve simply asked for a little help. You know I could stay out of your hair for what amounts to a rather paltry sum.”
“I won’t front your schemes.”
“Who said anything about a scheme?”
A hard, cold bark of laughter lodged in his throat. The sensation was so bleak, without any remnants of humor, that the depth of his bitterness surprised even him. “I think I made my feelings more than clear on your last visit.”
“You owe me this.”
“I owe you nothing.”
“You owe me everything.” Her voice was whip-quick and layered with a degree of frost that was a distinct change from years gone by. Even at her worst, his mother had always maintained an appearance of civility and good humor. As if “one more job” would be all she needed to be happy forever more.
The woman who faced him now carried the stench of desperation.
“Just what have you gotten yourself into?”
“Nothing.”
“If you have any hope I’ll help you, you’d be wise not to play me.”
“And you’d be wise to listen to your mother.” She leaned forward, and the same impression he’d had in his office at her last visit struck him once more. She’d aged. Although she wasn’t much past her mid-50s, her lifestyle choices were taking a toll. The ravages were hidden well by artful make-up and impeccable clothing, but they couldn’t fully cover the price she paid for her poor choices.
“You think I don’t know what this little meeting was all about?”
“I don’t care what you think, and I stopped caring long ago.”
“Teddy Craddick. He was a mark I played years ago. I nearly came up to say hello, curious to see if he would remember me, the poised and professional auction-house girl who lovingly priced his wife’s baubles for the insurance company.”
“He’s savvier than you give him credit for. I’ve no doubt he’d have made the connection.”
Eloisa’s features took on a calculating sheen, one he’d seen all too often throughout his life. “And what’s he going to do when he makes the connection between you and me?”
“There’s nothing to tie us together.”
“Of course there is.” She pulled out her phone, flipping to a selection of photographs. “I just stayed in your home for a week. I’ve got photos. I’ve made calls from the house phone. I even used your Internet connection to manage a bit of business. Our matching eyes are usually the giveaway for anyone who might be looking. But add on my latest visit and I’ve got all I need.”
The neat way she boxed him in had images of his childhood rising up in his memory in thick, choppy waves. A greasy roll of nausea gripped his stomach, turning the contents of his lunch over as a line of sweat rolled down his back. And just like that, he was ten again, helpless to fight the avarice and self-indulgence that fueled his mother’s life.
She had the power to ruin everything he’d worked for—and would take a greedy, selfish sort of joy while she was at it. “What do you want?”
…
Holt slammed the lid of his laptop closed and stood to pace his office, well aware that round two with his mother had turned sordid and nasty. The standard ebb and flow of daily email would have to wait until he calmed down enough to form coherent thoughts.
He’d dealt with his mother before and he’d deal with her again, the initial shock fading as he worked out a strategy. What he couldn’t erase was the very real concern that she’d hurt Mayson and their child in the process. He cared for her, more than he’d ever cared for anyone, but could he give her what she needed? Although she hadn’t come out and said it, he knew she longed for a marriage that was more than a business transaction, more than a convenience because life had gotten messy.
Could he make her happy?
His background was an embarrassment he’d spent his adult life attempting to correct, and he knew his mother would be ruthless in her quest for financial backing. He preferred to think he’d not gotten many traits from Eloisa Turner, but the one they shared in spades was determination and perseverance.
And he was determined not to expose Mayson or their child to that sordid past.
A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts and Mayson breezed in, a bright, vivid counterpoint to the ugliness of his day. It was as if he’d conjured her up from his thoughts, and he crossed to her, pulling her into his arms. He had to assure himself she was real. Solid. As he pulled her close, he pressed his hand to her stomach, imagining the life growing there.
For the briefest moment, she sank into his arms, her acquiescence evident. And then she stiffened as if the moment had never been. “I got a call from Sarah Craddick a little while ago.”
He pulled back, keeping her in the circle of his arms, but she broke free. Her need for distance was more than evident as she stepped away from him. “What did she say?”
“That she and Teddy were delighted to join us for dinner and she wanted to set up a time that worked for all of us.”
“What did you tell her?”
“That I needed to confirm your schedule. Then I spent a half hour asking questions about her daughter’s upcoming wedding and barely listened to a word.”
“Look—”
He broke off as she whirled on him, her movements full of barely restrained fury. “How dare you do that? Put us on display like that? And to close a damn deal.”
“It’s not like that.”
“What’s it like, then? Explain it to me.”
The moment was slipping away from him and he wasn’t sure how to bring it back on track. Yes, he’d used his relationship with Mayson to butter up Craddick, but he needed that deal. Needed to make things right. Add on the very real news that they were getting married and he saw no reason to pretend otherwise. “Teddy called me to have lunch. Wanted to go over my proposal and is practically sold on the idea. I suggested we go to dinner to iron out the last few details.”
“You can’t do that over a boardroom table?”
“He’s made a point of how he wants his business associates to be friends.”
“So you dangled me.”
“I didn’t dangle anything. As my wife, you’ll be expected to join me at events and functions. It’s how business gets done.”
She squared her shoulders and he saw determination in every line of her body. “I know how business works, and I’m well-aware that entertaining is a part of it. But I want you to admit that’s not why you invited Teddy to dinner.”
“It’s all the same.”
“No, it’s not. You used me as an asset to close the deal.”
“You’re my partner, Mayson. We’re going to be a team, and I need you to get on board with that.”
“No, I don’t need to get on board with anything. And I’m certainly not going to marry you. This merger idea is no longer on the table.”
“You have to marry me. We’re agreed this is the right path. The right choice for both of us and for our child.”
It was just like her parents all over again. Why hadn’t she seen it sooner? Why hadn’t she understood she was putting herself on the same path as her mother? Her father couldn’t be bothered to talk to her mother about his plans, but he damn sure expected she’d fall in line once he made them. Holt hadn’t really behaved any differently.
She wasn’t going to be the same, wasn’t going to live like that. Wasn’t going to wait for the day he woke up and decided he needed to start looking outside their marriage for his happiness. She wouldn’t consign herself to that.
“I’ll join you for dinner with the Craddick’s and I’ll play the dutiful wife. We don’t tell them about the baby and we don’t give any real sense of plans. I’m not marrying you, but they don’t need to know that.”
“You can’t lie to some of your oldest family friends.”
“Watch me.”