The course included three nights a week and every weekend. Mum arranged for me to stay in a flat owned by Trudy, the sister of one of her old friends. Little did she know that the sister was much younger than Mum’s old friend—God forbid Mum would check it out for herself. It was Trudy’s job to make sure I was safely tucked into bed roughly thirty minutes after classes were finished, but she really didn’t see herself as my chaperone. The only thing that worried Trudy was making sure I didn’t steal her pot. She was so paranoid she would take it—and her handbag—to bed with her. So I decided Ben’s flat was a far nicer option for us all.
I caught the train home from Brisbane at five am and would be just in time for two hours of swimming training at seven am. I would be at school from nine am to three pm, then Monday, Wednesday and Friday I would catch the afternoon train back to Brisbane. I felt that I had well and truly left home.
I loved every minute of the school. There were no boring classes, I even loved stunt work where we practiced falling and getting hit. I was the youngest student there by far and I relished the adult company, the freedom of expression and the sense of independence I had in strolling around the big city all by myself. What made me the happiest though was the fact that I was excelling. My teacher heaped praise and positivity on me as did my fellow students. It wasn’t long before I would get a little work here or there from my agent, more so than any other student. I had never been this happy or at least I couldn’t remember a time when I had been.
It was hard to obey all of Mum’s rules. I did party hard in Brisbane with my fellow students after class. After a while I was going to nightclubs every night after college, catching a few hours’ sleep, then getting the train to school or work in the morning. All of this became too much very quickly. I realised that I couldn’t maintain night school, high school, competitive sport and a job. I arrogantly believed that I was past being a schoolgirl. I was in a stable romantic relationship, I had a blossoming career and I was in college already so I didn’t need high school. So I left high school and got a full time job working in a surfwear clothing store. Mum had to give legal consent for me to do both as I was still shy of fifteen.
Living with Mum was going surprisingly well until she met Jeffrey, who seemed to move in overnight. I didn’t like or trust him one bit. His story just didn’t ring true. I had my suspicions that he was trying to get his hands on her divorce settlement. I could smell sexuality on men by this time and he reeked of pure sleaze. Jeffrey approached me the day before he was to move in and ever so politely asked if I wouldn’t mind giving up my room so that he could bring his computer over. I looked at my mother, who was standing directly behind him, only to find her eyes pleading with me to be agreeable.
I didn’t understand why Jeffrey needed an entire room for a computer. Reluctantly, I complied and moved all my belongings into the linen press. By night I slept on the sofa. This meant my sleep times were dictated to me by the whims of my family and Mum’s freeloading lover’s TV preferences. I needed my bloody sleep, I was constantly exhausted, night school, travel, work, swimming training. Yet here I was sitting up until eleven thirty pm waiting for this sleazy freeloader to go to bed. I refused to sleep on the couch if Jeffrey was up late watching a movie alone; I just didn’t trust him. Very quickly I began to unravel from the long hours and lack of sleep.
Ben was convinced that I was anaemic, because I wasn’t looking after myself physically. ‘You’re burning the candle at both ends, sweetheart, give yourself a break.’
He was right, I barely ate, I trained in the pool three hours every day, I got so little sleep thanks to night school and the travel and working full time, I hadn’t even had a period in over six months.
It all came to a head one day at work, an hour before closing time. One minute I was serving customers, next thing I knew I was in an ambulance on my way to the hospital. They put me in a small cubical, took blood and asked me what felt like a million questions.
Finally a doctor came in. ‘How long have you known you’re pregnant?’
My mind was reeling. ‘I had no idea that I was pregnant, are you sure?’
‘Yes, and you’re also severely anaemic. We will have to keep you in and do an ultrasound to see how far along you are.’
Within minutes my mother was at my side, concern written all over her face. ‘What’s wrong with you, have you spoken to a doctor yet?’
‘Well I’m anaemic and . . . I’m . . .’ I couldn’t bear to admit my condition to myself, let alone my mother. She just stared at me for the longest time, then she turned around and threw up in the sink.
‘I assume it’s Ben’s fault, I’m going to have him arrested for carnal knowledge. You’re fifteen, he is twenty-five. The whole thing is sick, he’s a paedophile who’s stalked you all across the state.’ She stormed out.
The next time I saw her was in my hospital room as they were wheeling me to the ultrasound. She held my hand and kissed my forehead, which I was grateful for, as I really needed the support.