CHAPTER FOUR
My favorite redheaded barista set to work preparing our lattes-to-go as Alli tapped her nails on the counter.
“How was your night?” I asked.
“Good. Just a few drinks with the old crew. Yours?”
“Good.” I glanced around the café, avoiding eye contact with her.
Blake had tried valiantly to avoid the topic by f*cking me right out of my mind. Even though he was holding back, his strategy had worked famously. I didn't remember falling asleep, too tired and wasted to think about anything.
I wasn't sure how to navigate the gulf between us now. Blake had been a mystery to me in so many ways, but the more I uncovered about him, the more I fell hopelessly in love with the man. We had to figure our way through this somehow. Pulling away from me wasn't going to work.
I looked back to Alli. She lacked the usual glow of energy that added to her natural beauty. Today her eyes were swollen and tired. “Is everything okay?”
She brightened a bit. “Yeah, I'm fine.”
“Were you out late?”
“No, actually I came back early.”
I shook my head, confused, and waited for her to continue.
She slouched a little in defeat, letting the fatigue show in her features once more. “Heath didn’t call yesterday. I’m worried.”
“I’m sure everything is fine.”
“We haven’t gone a day without talking since he left. I was waiting up for his call, but nothing.”
“I'm sure he'll call today. Don't worry.”
She nodded and chewed her lip.
“Do you want to do the marketing meeting later so you can get some rest?” I placed my hand over hers, wishing my happy, exuberant friend would resurface. I barely recognized her this way.
“No, I'm fine. You're right. I'm sure it's nothing.” She offered a weak smile.
Simone delivered our java and I paid, adding a generous tip. She waved as we headed back out.
We made the short walk upstairs. Risa was already there. I checked my watch. She was early. She greeted us with every ounce of vivacity that the two of us lacked. She wore black patterned crop pants and a black button up that came across as impeccably professional. In dark jeans and a Portofino blouse Alli had lent me, I'd taken advantage of the decidedly casual dress code that the guys had established.
“Alli, this is Risa Corvi, our new marketing director.”
Risa held out her hand. “Alli, great to meet you. I'm so glad we could catch up today.”
“Me too.”
We settled at the small conference table at the far end of the office, and I brought Alli and Risa up to speed.
We had been at it for nearly an hour when Blake walked in, six-feet of delicious. My eyes fixed on him, as if his entrance had somehow sucked all the oxygen out of the room and I was waiting for permission from him to breathe again. I stopped staring long enough to catch Alli and Risa gawking too.
“Am I interrupting?” He flashed me a crooked grin and walked toward us with his hands in his pockets. He was in his usual work uniform, blue jeans and a snug fitting T-shirt advertising the conference we’d been to in Las Vegas. That had been a good trip.
Risa nearly tipped her chair over, jumping out of it to shake his hand, her eyes alight with obvious appreciation. “You must be Mr. Landon. I'm Risa Corvi.”
“Call me Blake.”
“We were running over some of the membership numbers, if you want to join us,” I said quickly.
“Sure, let me talk to Sid first.”
I nodded and watched him walk away, fully appreciating how fantastic his ass looked in jeans, and how they strained around his thighs. Get a grip, Erica. You’re at work. Had I not gotten enough of him last night? Jesus, what was wrong with me?
I shook my head back into reality. Risa’s gaze was riveted where mine had been. I cleared my throat to get her attention.
She turned back to me quickly. “Sorry. He’s… Wow.” She sighed and sifted through her notes.
Alli rolled her eyes. My body immediately tensed, going into irrational protective jealousy mode. I clicked my pen anxiously as I ran a few choice phrases for Risa through my mind. Unfortunately none of them were remotely appropriate to utter out loud. I bit my tongue, not wanting Risa’s first meeting at work to be about her boss pulling a nutty staking claim over their investor who she also happened to be dating.
I took in a slow breath and tried to focus on my notes. Blake was gorgeous. He turned heads wherever he went, and this was no different.
“Where were we?” Alli interrupted me, apparently eager to wrap up.
Before I could get us back on track, my phone rang at my desk. “Excuse me a minute. You two carry on.” I ducked behind the partition and searched for my phone in my purse. I froze when I saw the number. I snapped out of it quickly and picked up the call.
“Daniel, hi,” I rushed, hoping I’d caught him before he hung up. I hadn’t spoken to him since I'd left his house on the Cape a couple weeks ago, under circumstances that he was completely in the dark about. I wasn't sure if the lapse in time had been as awkward for him as it had been for me.
“Erica, how are you?”
I smiled at the sound of his deep and confident voice. “I’m doing well. How are you?”
“Oh, you know, busy with the campaign. But I wanted to ask about your plans for Friday. The firm is sponsoring the Spirit Gala this year and we have some extra tickets. A lot of important people will be there, maybe even a celebrity or two. Might be a good networking opportunity for you.”
“That sounds wonderful. Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. I’d like to see you again.”
“Thanks, same here. I meant to call, but…” In truth, I didn’t really know how Daniel felt about staying in touch with me. Sure, he was my biological father, but we'd only recently discovered this. We barely knew each other. Outside of running into his stepson and my living nightmare, Mark, our visit had been pleasant and meaningful. I wanted a relationship with him, but between his run for governor and the corporate machine that was his life, I wasn’t sure where I could possibly fit. We’d both agreed I should stay under the radar as his illegitimate daughter.
“No worries. I’ll courier some tickets over. Invite Landon and anyone else who you’d like to mingle on your behalf.”
“Sounds wonderful. Thanks so much.”
“I’ll look forward to seeing you then, Erica.”
The affection I’d heard in his voice was abruptly cut off when the call ended. I stared at the phone a few moments longer until I heard Blake join me.
He wrapped his arms around me, his body curving behind mine.
“Everything okay?” he murmured, pressing a warm kiss to my neck.
I hugged my arms over his. I wanted to keep him close to me just in case he had any ideas about leaving abruptly. He sure as hell wouldn’t be sending me off again anytime soon.
“What are you doing Friday night?” I asked.
“You.”
My face heated and I turned in his arms until I faced him.
“That can be arranged, however Daniel invited us to some gala his firm is hosting and they have some extra tickets.”
“Are you asking me out on a date?”
I smirked and considered a remark about last night's “date” that involved his home cooking and some very intense frustrated sex, but I thought better of it.
“Are you interested? I could probably find someone else in a pinch,” I teased.
“Over my dead body.” He tightened his embrace, pressing me deliciously close, melding my body to his.
“It’s black tie. I’m assuming you can retire the witty T-shirts and clean up nice?”
“What do you think?”
My heart sped up at the mere vision of Blake in a tuxedo. What that might do to me in person was almost frightening. “I think I can’t wait.”
“I have to get back to work, but let’s grab dinner with Alli since it’s her last night in town.”
“That would be nice.”
“I'll text you when I get out.”
He stepped back but I caught the hem of his shirt, as if I could hold him still with the tiny handful of fabric.
I didn’t want him to go. Last night had been intense, and I needed to know he was still with me. As close as we’d been, emotionally stripped, the thought of him pushing me away again, ever, scared the hell out of me. I never wanted to feel that way again.
“What?”
“I want to keep you a little bit longer. Is that so wrong?”
“I won’t argue with that.” His eyes darkened and he came closer. Sliding his hands down my arms, he leaned down to kiss me.
All too aware of our serious lack of privacy, I froze, bracing myself for the onslaught of sensations he inspired. We were stealing a moment. His lips met mine, warm, controlled. I opened my lips to his but he broke away.
“Not this again,” I muttered.
He answered my eye roll with a smirk and stroked the ridge of my lower lip with his thumb. “I think you have a fetish for office sex, sweetie,” he whispered.
“You’re my fetish, Blake. The setting doesn’t much matter.”
He laughed, the low rasp reverberating through me. I bit my lip too hard, replacing the tingle he’d left there with a twinge of pain.
“The feeling is mutual. That still doesn’t fix our current predicament, however. I want to spread you out over this desk and f*ck you ’til you scream, but as you once aptly noted, some of us have work to do.”
“Shut up.”
I caught a fistful of his shirt and pulled him back down to me, forcing his mouth onto mine, muffling a quiet growl that rumbled through him. He gave my ass a hard squeeze, pressing our bodies together and reminding me of last night’s endeavors. His body, his presence, overwhelmed me so easily. A rush of desire intoxicated my senses, making me forget everything but the way he felt wrapped around me, his hands on me, his tongue inside me. I wanted more. I always did.
I vaguely heard the click of heels approaching. I tore myself away from his kiss and caught Risa gaping at us. A wave of pure female confidence surged through me. Eat your heart out, honey. Blake was mine, and I couldn’t have made that more clear outside of the present moment. If she wanted to crush on him, she’d have to get in line.
Blake seemed to be waiting for my reaction. I smiled and gave him a quick kiss before pushing back slightly. “Bye, baby.”
A twinkle of acknowledgement passed over his features. He was calculating to a fault, and he knew how jealous I could be. Sure, I was completely overreacting, but Risa got the picture.
He returned my knowing smile and stepped away slowly, giving her a polite nod on his way past.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t—” Risa was wide-eyed, her jaw agape.
I immediately regretted the choice. This was her first day, after all. “Don’t be. I wanted to ask you something actually.”
“Sure, what is it?”
“We’ve got tickets to the Spirit Gala on Friday night. Would you be interested in going and representing the company? You could bring a date, of course.”
“I’d rather not.”
I lifted my eyebrows.
“I mean, I’d love to go. I’d rather not bring a date. Networking is easier that way.”
“Oh, right. That’s fine. Let me know if you change your mind.”
“Great, I can’t wait.” She smiled broadly and glanced down at the notebook she was holding. “Alli and I got through most of my questions, but she wanted me to run a few things by you that she wasn't sure about. Do you have a minute?”
“Sure. Have a seat here. I'll be back in a minute.”
I left her there to find Alli, who was looking as restless as she had this morning, checking her phone at the conference table.
“You guys done?”
She nodded. “I think so. If you don't mind, I might head back to the apartment. I need to pack and catch up on some things for work.”
“You're on vacation, you know.”
“Not with this gig, unfortunately.”
“All right, I'll see you tonight. We can grab dinner with Blake later if you're up for it.”
“Sounds good.” She rose to give me a quick hug, waved goodbye to Sid, and left.
*
Alli and I sat at a cocktail table in the open air bar, sipping pear martinis while we waited for Blake to join us. The weather was perfectly mild. The sun was setting and a warm breeze blew over us. Days like today made the long winter worth enduring. Everything felt possible. I only wished Alli felt the same way. She looked better, a little more rested, but something was still off.
“I can’t believe you’re leaving already. I feel like you just got here.”
Alli had made the choice to work in New York while I chose to stay in Boston. Now our lives were taking root. I wanted to urge her to come back. With the business funded, she could. She knew that as well as I did, but I kept those thoughts to myself. She didn't need any more confusion, or worse, guilt, on top of everything else she was dealing with right now.
“I know. I don’t feel ready to go back either.”
“Maybe I can visit soon.”
She brightened. “I would love that. I want you to see my new place.”
“Me too. We’ll see how things go, I guess. Work will probably be intense for a little while until everyone gets settled and we get into a routine.”
“Right.”
“What do you think of Risa?” We hadn't had a chance to catch up about her replacement at the company since the marketing powwow that morning.
She took another sip of her drink. “She’s smart. She seems driven, like you. I think she’ll do well.”
Her matter-of-fact description made me wonder if she might be a little jealous. I had anticipated that she might be, but Alli was good-natured, and at the end of the day, she’d support any decision that was good for the business.
“I’m glad you think so. She's no Alli Malloy, but she seems passionate. I’m hoping after her crash course this afternoon she’ll hit the ground running and take us to the next level.”
“Hopefully. How do you like her?”
I caught her grin and knew immediately what she was aiming for. “I know what you're thinking, and no, I'm not going to freak out on her for ogling Blake. I’d be in for a lifetime of misery if I started doing that now. I swear, if I had a dollar for every time some woman stared a little too long, I wouldn’t need angel funding.”
“A lifetime, eh?”
I frowned. “Whatever. It’s an expression, Alli.”
She started laughing, then stopped abruptly. Her focus had shifted away from me. She paled.
“What’s wrong?”
“Oh my God,” she breathed.
I twisted in my seat, and my gaze quickly fixed on Blake walking side by side with none other than his brother.
Alli looked like she was seeing a ghost, except Heath was healthier than I’d ever seen him, with ruddy cheeks and bright eyes that never left hers. Something in the air shifted. I became as transfixed on the two of them as they were on each other.
Alli’s color returned. She slid off the stool and pushed her hair back behind her ear with a shaky hand. She took a few cautious steps in his direction, and he took two long lunges in hers, scooping her up and into his arms. She squealed, and a broad smile crossed his face as he lifted her off the ground and into his embrace.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, nuzzling him there as he held her close. They stayed like that for what seemed like several minutes. When Alli pulled back, her eyes glistened with unshed tears. She pulled Heath close for a kiss, and he met her with equal fervor, as if he had been starved.
We shouldn’t have been there—or they shouldn’t have been there—but the fact that we all were didn’t seem to matter to either of them. I nudged Blake and he nodded.
“Let’s go see if the table’s ready,” he murmured.
We left them and checked in with the hostess who sat us promptly. I was still reeling.
“What just happened?” My adrenaline was still pumping. I was thrilled for Alli, but my head was spinning from how this had come about so quickly.
“He’s back,” Blake answered simply.
“For good?”
“As long as he stays out of trouble.”
I looked across the restaurant to where the couple still stood. Alli was laughing and brushing tears away while Heath peppered her with kisses. They looked so incredibly happy. In a matter of moments, the cloud of doubt and misery hovering over my dearest friend had passed over. The joy I felt for her overwhelmed the concern that still lingered regarding their relationship.
“How was he able to leave so early?”
“I spoke to the judge and worked it all out. He got on the first plane back.”
They joined us then, their energy palpable. Alli seemed like a new person. They both did.
“Erica, it’s great to see you.”
I stood and gave Heath a hug. He hugged me back, hard, then stepped back and gave me a half smile, as if he were trying to communicate something to me without words. Maybe he was sorry for shredding Alli emotionally for the past few weeks. I smiled back, suddenly unable to entertain any emotional reservation in the presence of their contagious joy.
“How have you been?” I cringed inwardly. Was that the wrong question to ask someone fresh out of rehab?
“Awesome. Never better.”
The enthusiasm and confidence in his reply quelled my concern, and we all settled down at the table. He seemed so different. Not just healthy, but more real, more genuine somehow.
We ordered drinks and our meal. Heath stuck with water. I felt immediately guilty for wanting a second martini.
“Let’s toast,” Heath said as soon as the drinks arrived, true to form.
“Absolutely,” I agreed.
“What should we toast to?” Alli asked.
“To new beginnings…” His gaze shifted to Alli and she looked back at him, starry-eyed.
“To new beginnings,” she murmured.
That was it. Any question there may have been about their relationship status post-rehab had just been answered. I only knew two other people so hopelessly in love, and I didn’t even want to think about how destroyed I’d feel if I had to spend weeks away from Blake. I’d be a puddle of romantic goo just like these two.
“Well, this is timely,” I said. “Alli heads back to New York tomorrow. Maybe you could travel together.”
Heath coughed a little and rested his elbows on the table. He looked quickly to Blake and then to me.
“Actually, I’m going to be staying in Boston for a while.”
Alli paled again and looked to him.
“What? Why?”
“The court situation. Blake got me back early, but I need to stay here for the rest of the time I would have been at the center in L.A. so I can finish the treatment here.”
“But…” Alli cut herself off.
There were no “buts” about his options. He was lucky to be this close now.
“I didn’t realize that.” Alli faced forward, shifting her body away from him for the first time since they’d sat down together.
“We’ll figure it out, okay?” His voice was quiet as he reached for her hand and cradled it in his own.
After a moment she swallowed and nodded. “Okay.” Her spark came back with a small smile.
The rest of the evening passed without incident. We made small talk, catching up and sharing stories. Heath asked me questions about the business that revealed how much Blake had already told him. That he’d spoken of me to Heath, despite the distance and circumstances, meant something to me. That he’d made this whole reunion happen meant even more.
Weeks ago, the four of us sitting here had seemed impossible. Blake hadn’t wanted me associating with Alli, let alone Heath, with all the trouble he’d brought into her life. Now he’d gone out of his way to bring them back together. I couldn’t make sense of it, but I was genuinely happy he’d done it.
Alli and Heath walked ahead of us on the way home. Alli giggled and leaned into him. I was half expecting them to break out into a sprint toward the nearest bedroom. Last time I was with the two of them, I could barely stomach it. This was different. I wasn’t going through withdrawals from Blake like I had been in New York, and somehow their love just amplified ours. I leaned into Blake, and he circled my shoulders with his arm. I slid my hand around his waist and hooked my thumb on his belt loop, loving how we fit.
“Thank you,” I said.
Things weren’t perfect, but Alli was happy, I was happy, and Blake was the reason why.
*
I slipped far down into the tub. Another centimeter and my nose would have been submerged. I moaned into the warm water, letting waves of relaxation wash over me. Blake’s fingers kneaded the soles of my feet with expert care. I wasn’t sure what I’d done in a previous life to deserve this utterly perfect moment, but I was loving it.
When I’d been thoroughly massaged, I slipped out of his grasp. I repositioned myself on my knees, settling my legs snuggly on either side of his muscular thighs.
I followed the sharp line of his jaw with my fingers, appreciating every God-given feature that made me so impossibly attracted to him. “You’re too good to me.”
“No such thing,” he murmured, planting a soft kiss on my lips.
“But you spoil me.”
“You deserve to be spoiled.”
I softened at his words. His face was relaxed, happy, a reflection of the moment. I almost felt undeserving of it, though I wasn’t sure why.
Because of my mother’s inheritance, I’d been given opportunities that most people had only dreamed of. But I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt spoiled, doted on by someone who held such affection for me outside of Marie. A little part of me couldn’t completely accept it.
“How do you know if I deserve it?” I tried to read his beautiful hazel eyes. He flashed a megawatt smile, and my brain short-circuited.
“I know everything.”
I cocked my head to the side and studied him with a grin. “How could I forget? Master of the universe.”
He kissed my throat, taking advantage of the position. “Now you’re catching on.” His warm breath sent gooseflesh over my damp skin.
“Do you think they’ll be okay?”
I twisted a strand of his hair around my fingertip.
He nodded. We shared concern about Alli and Heath’s future, though they were probably disturbing the peace in Blake’s spare bedroom as we spoke.
“What will he do now?”
“He’ll stay with me for a little while to start, until we figure out his next move. In the meantime, I’ll be getting him more involved at work. He needs to finally take the business seriously. He’s been screwing around too long because I’ve let him. But responsibility is probably what he needs more than anything right now—something or someone to be accountable to other than his own superficial needs.”
“I can’t believe you did this for them. You didn’t seem very optimistic about things before.”
“I wasn’t.”
“What changed?”
He shifted beneath me and I sat back a little, sensing he needed space for what he wanted to say. He drenched the fine strands of his hair with the soapy bath water. I traced my hands over the hard curves of his pectorals. There was nothing sexier than wet Blake.
I tore myself away from the mental inventory of Blake’s sexiest qualities to press him. “Talk.”
He sighed. “I don’t know. I guess I became more sympathetic to his position. Not the drug thing. Obviously I can’t relate to that. But the desperation in his voice when he talked about Alli. Like he couldn’t breathe without her, like anything he had left in him that was keeping him going, which probably wasn’t much, was draining by the day not being near her.”
He paused, dropped his hands into the water, and stroked my hips with his thumbs, tightening his hold possessively.
“He loves her.” I finished his thought, as convinced as ever of what they shared.
“I know he does. The way he sounds when they aren’t together, that’s how I feel every time you run away from me. And I couldn’t wish that on anyone else.”
My heart shattered. All the times I’d pushed him away, out of fear, self-preservation, and pure, justifiable rage. But every time I did, my heart ached for him, a bone-deep pain that weakened me at the very core. A part of me wanted to keep that line drawn between us, keep him at a safe distance from my professional life. But fighting it so hard left me in pieces.
“I’m sorry.” My voice was heavy with emotion.
He hushed me and pulled me closer so our bodies were flush. Wet, we slid against each other. His skin on mine, his arms wrapped around me, we were so close. Awareness simmered low in my belly, coiling slowly with every touch, but our motions were careful and deliberate as we caressed each other with infinite care. I was overwhelmed, racked by the potent emotions that had taken over in his presence.
Maybe Marie had been right. We’d passed the point of being the best we could be on our own. What we were together had become so much more powerful, a force that took my breath away and made everything secondary. As much as I hated to admit it, Blake Landon was fast becoming everything to me.
With every stroke of our tongues, roam of our hands, my heart swelled with love. With trust. As my touches became urgent, Blake’s became more controlled, gentler when they should have possessed me with the fierce craving that we shared for each other. I pulled back, determined tonight would be different.
“I want you to take control tonight.”
He leveled an even stare at me.
“Complete control. Whatever you need.” I kept my voice steady even as I worried what I was getting myself into.
His body tensed beneath me. “Erica, we’re not doing this, okay?”
“I love you and I want to do this for you. I trust you to take me as far as you think I can go. I… I can’t promise anything because I don’t know what you want exactly, but I want to try.”
“Stop.”
He shifted, giving me a little push to move back. A panic welled up in me.
“No, wait. Please.” I sighed and pressed my temples, hating what I was about to admit. “A part of me…even when I’m fighting you every step of the way, there’s a part of me that wants to give you control over everything. Real life submission.” I cringed inwardly at the words as they left me. “The thought of letting go… I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a tempting and intoxicating notion. I’ve been taking care of myself for so long.”
He brushed his knuckles over my cheek, and warmth washed over me. He was hearing me. I wanted to believe that he could somehow understand, sense the weight I carried with so few people to really rely on.
“You take care of people, and I know I could trust you with anything I gave you. I recognize that and I fight it, because it scares the hell out of me. I can’t give you that much control in my life. I just can’t. But I think with sex, I could give you the kind of control that you want.”
“How are you supposed to do that? Flip a switch?”
“I think I can. I—”
“What about everything you’ve been through? How can you possibly think the things I want are healthy for you?”
“I don’t know what you want. Show me and I’ll tell you.”
He sighed heavily. “Erica, you’re a strong, independent woman. Unlike anyone I’ve ever met. You prove it to me every day, no matter how difficult I make it for you. And I don’t want to try to take that away from you, to bend you to do things that you really don’t want to.”
“How do you know I don’t want it?”
He shook his head and looked away. “What if I take things too far, and it’s something we can’t come back from?”
“I trust you.”
I kissed him, reveling in the silken friction of our bodies beneath the water. He was hard. Maybe he already had plans. I’d show him I could be the right person for whatever he needed. Then a chilling thought crept into my mind.
Sophia.
I wasn’t sure I’d even said her name out loud until Blake’s expression turned cold. His lips tightened into a thin line.
“Don’t, baby. We’re not going there.”
“No, wait. Was she on board for all this submissive stuff that turns you on so much?”
He hesitated.
“Just tell me,” I snapped. I didn’t want to dance around this with him.
He paused for a long moment. He nodded slowly, avoiding my eyes.
As quickly as he’d acknowledged the question, I wished he hadn’t. F*cking Sophia. I hated her now more than I had before. The jealousy nearly paralyzed me. Being physically compared to Blake’s model ex-girlfriend was hard enough. To know she’d been what he wanted sexually was almost more than I could take. I shrank back to my side of the tub. The water was becoming uncomfortably cool.
He eyed me. “It wasn’t a matter of her ‘getting on board’ with things. She wanted to be submissive with me. It was her goddamn idea. Needless to say, taking a dominant role with her wasn’t much of a challenge. But she always wanted to push things further. The things she wanted me to do bordered on dangerous at times. That’s not what I want with you. But being in that kind of relationship for as long as we were…”
“It’s what you crave now.” I finished his thought, knowing it was true before he could confirm it.
“Sometimes, yes.”
“The things we’ve done, were you testing me, to see what I could take?”
“In a way. I’ve pushed you. I think we both realize that.”
“And the times when I’ve taken control…”
He leaned his head back against the tub. “It’s been difficult for me. I’ve tried to be so careful with you, Erica. You have no idea.”
“Tell me what you want, Blake.”
“It really doesn’t matter at this point.”
“I deserve to know.” I held my breath, waiting for him to speak.
“Total submission. Total control over your pleasure and pain.” His voice was flat, matter-of-fact, as if he were negotiating a business deal and those were his terms.
My breath left me in a sharp exhale as the reality of his words hit me. Was that something I could give? A different kind of panic gripped me. I wrapped my arms around my knees, trying to stave off the chill that had now deepened. I couldn’t lose Blake.
“Fine, I’ll do it,” I rushed before I could really think it through.
A deep groove marked his brow and his eyes widened slightly, as if my concession truly scared him. He sat up out of the water, leaning his arms on his knees. “Why would you do that?”
“Because you mean more to me than anyone ever has. I need to at least try.”
“This isn’t about pleasing me.”
“You’re right. This is about me loving you enough to take a chance. I think I’m finally getting used to that.”
I stood up and toweled off on my way to the bedroom. I was trembling now, shivering. The water hadn’t been that cool. I was terrified. Why? Blake had never really hurt me. He’d never hurt me. I stood at the edge of the bed, unsure what to do.
Blake came up behind me. I fisted my hands into the terry cloth of the towel that was bunched around between my breasts. I took a deep breath to quell the quiet tremors that staggered through me.
“This isn’t what I want. What you’re feeling now. We haven’t even done anything and you’re scared to death.”
I turned to face him. “Tell me what to do. I’m nervous. I’m afraid I’ll do something wrong.”
“No, you’re afraid I’m going to hurt you.”
I clenched my jaw and hated that he’d given voice to my fears—fears that were so deeply a part of me. They’d followed me around for years. I wanted to cry at the thought that I’d never be free from them. “I know you won’t hurt me.”
“If you’re so sure, why are you scared?”
I swallowed hard. “You know why.”
He lifted my chin, angling my face to his. His eyes brewed with emotion in the soft light of the room. He was deciding. I could see the calculations taking place. He was weighing the pull of his desire against the very real chance that I could freak out if he did something too far outside of my comfort zone.
I dropped my towel and pressed my body against his. His skin burned against mine. My body began to unwind at the warmth of the contact.
He palmed my breast and took my nipple between his fingertips, twisting the hardened tip gently. “What if I just want to toss you on the bed and f*ck you senseless? Vanilla. Missionary. Hard.”
I bit my lip. His words washed over me like a heat wave. That sounded very appealing, but he was dodging me. “I’m sure you can come up with something more creative than that.”
He silenced me with a hard kiss. “Slow. We’re going to go slow. I’m going to make love to you, baby.”
His words sounded more like an affirmation than an expression of what he really wanted, deep down. His hands were restless, carefully grasping and releasing me as if he were at war with his own body. His urgency lit the fire in me. A warm glow built in my core and shot through my limbs until my skin was as fevered as his.
I kissed him back, swallowing the affirmations that would sell us both short on what we wanted, craved. I gripped his shoulders, tangling my fingers in his hair. I couldn’t get close enough. I wanted to coax out the animal that wanted to come at me with everything he had. I wasn’t scared anymore. I needed him.
“Take me how you want me. Do anything you want. God, please. I need it, need you,” I moaned, rubbing myself helplessly against him.
“No.” He uttered the refusal through gritted teeth. His body was taut, frozen, as if a single movement would break his resolve.
I licked my lips, nearly wild with the sensation of his erection against my belly. I wanted him so badly I thought I would go mad. I couldn’t wait anymore. In an instant, I lowered to my knees and caressed his length gently in my palms. I’d figure out how to be submissive with or without his help. I slid my mouth over the tip and sucked, swirling my tongue around the sensitive tip. I moaned, loving the taste of him, the subtle scent of his body.
He let out a sigh, as if he’d been holding his breath for far too long. I licked him, sucked him, and grazed my teeth ever so softly until he trembled slightly. Submissive or not, I held all the cards in this position. But maybe I didn’t have to.
I slowed my motions and relaxed my mouth. I grabbed him from behind and pushed him deep until he hit the back of my throat. His breath whistled through his teeth. He slid out of me slowly, his cock resting on my lips. I dug my fingernails into his ass and he jolted forward into my mouth. I swallowed, undulating over the head of his cock.
“F*ck.” He sifted his fingers through my hair, cradling my head. “What are you doing to me?”
“I want you to f*ck my mouth. Control me with your hands. Show me what you want.” The words came out like an order, but I couldn’t help it. He needed to understand I was ready for this now.
“You don’t listen to a damn word I say.”
I smirked, gliding my tongue lazily over and around his length, in slow motion. I waited for him, pushing him deep again and again.
Letting out a low growl, he fisted his hand in my hair and his hips bucked slightly. I took him fully and eagerly with each careful thrust. Then he deepened them, hitting the back of my throat, giving me just as much as I could handle.
“You’re so beautiful like this, baby…on your knees. All for me.” He stroked my cheek and pulled back to let me catch my breath before doing exactly what I’d asked him to do. His grip on my hair tightened almost painfully as he maneuvered me, f*cking my mouth with measured strokes. He sucked in a sharp breath, giving me more.
I moaned, loving the satin skin of his erection sliding against my tongue as I struggled to take all of him.
The sounds he made assured me that this was driving him nuts. A fine mist covered my skin as I gave myself over to the moment. I wanted to touch myself, to feel how wet he’d already made me, but I didn’t. I kept my hands rested on the muscles of his thighs that had tensed into rock hard bunches.
I couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d feel like inside me, pumping with the same fervor and passion. The sheer power of his body was evident in this position. My mouth couldn’t sustain the fierce thrusts that he’d normally give me if we were f*cking. He was carefully reined in for this more delicate position, but he was in complete control. I was so vulnerable, completely at his mercy. Trusting him, and letting him take his pleasure from me was intoxicating.
I lightly dug my nails into his thighs, my desire reaching a fever pitch.
“You okay?”
“Don’t stop.”
“I don’t think I could if I wanted to. Feels too good. F*cking amazing actually.”
I closed my mouth over him again and crept my fingers up and over his abs. They flexed and tightened with each careful thrust until he cried out, spurting hot semen down my throat. I swallowed and milked every last drop from him with my tongue.
He released me and pulled us onto the bed where he collapsed, laying me on his chest. He frowned with his eyes closed as he caught his breath. I pressed hot kisses along his chest, licking the dip of his collarbone. He grabbed my wrists, his eyes now open but still heavy with desire.
“You keep that up, you’re going to get it.”
“Would that be a punishment or a reward for blowing your mind?”
His face softened a little and he laughed. “I haven’t decided yet. I can’t think straight.”
I hummed in anticipation. “I can’t wait to find out.”
I knew he couldn’t go again so soon, yet I continued my sabotage of his torso with my mouth. I couldn’t get enough of him. Pleasing him was addictive, and I needed another fix. I moved over his body eagerly. I licked the salt off his skin, still slick with sweat from his release. The clean, masculine scent of him drugged me with lust. Before I could go any lower, he flipped me onto my back. He pushed me up on the bed and spread my legs wide. I squirmed in anticipation. The only thing better than giving Blake head was getting it from him. He had a supremely talented mouth.
He posted himself in prime position and stared at me, his breath still coming hard. He touched me softly, up and down my thighs. I shifted anxiously, all too aware of the ache between my legs.
“Touch yourself.”
“Why?”
“Just do it. Do everything you’d do if I weren’t here about to f*ck you right now.”
Tentatively, I lowered my hand and started slow movements over my *. Blake kissed me up and down my thighs, my calves, my ankles, everywhere but where I really wanted him the most.
“Do you think about me when you do this?” His warm breath sent chills over me. My body tightened in response.
“I haven’t had to do this since we met. I much prefer your touch to my own. Why don’t you touch me? Please.”
“Don’t stop. I want to watch you. Do you have a vibrator?”
I rolled my eyes, slightly insulted that he had to ask. “I’m a modern woman. Obviously I have a vibrator.”
“Where is it?”
I hesitated, suddenly feeling as shy as I was modern. “In my underwear drawer. Why?”
He planted an open mouthed kiss on my inner thigh that made me gasp.
“Just wondering. Continue.”
I obeyed, letting my fingers fall into a rhythm that my body knew well. The movements were easy and smooth because I was already wet. He could be inside me so easily now. No resistance.
“You’re beautiful down here. So pretty and pink. I want to shave you sometime. Lick all the soft skin. Have you ever done that?”
I shook my head. I wasn’t sure how I felt about this up close analysis of my lady parts. He was throwing me for a loop. I just wanted him to suck or f*ck me already.
“I can’t do this.” For the first time in my life, pleasuring myself was starting to piss me off. I wanted his hands on me. I felt like I was settling for less, embarking on the solitary journey to orgasm as a means to an end. Nothing like the unexpected and deliriously pleasurable adventures that Blake took me on.
“Are you embarrassed?”
“No… A little, maybe. But I don’t want to come this way.”
“You won’t. You’re giving me what I want, and trust me, nothing and no one’s going to make you come but me from now on. You’re going to show me how you touch yourself, and then when you’re just about to come, I’m going to put my cock in you. Can you handle that?”
“Can you use your mouth?” I pleaded.
He propped himself on his elbow and half rolled his eyes. “You know, Erica, you’re not exactly being obedient. I’ve given you the game plan, which, lucky for you, doesn’t involve any props because they’re in my apartment. But if you keep talking, I’m going to just throw you over my knee and spank the hell out of you. Get it?”
I giggled, but my laughter faded. His gaze was dead serious. Oh, he wasn’t kidding.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes so I wouldn’t be tempted to laugh. Challenging Blake was too fun, but I didn’t want to be spanked like a petulant child right now.
I kept my eyes closed so I could concentrate, trying to forget that Blake was watching everything. I tensed and tightened, grabbing my breast, arching into my own touch. I was getting close, my motions becoming more urgent, less graceful. My mind spun. I imagined Blake was there instead. His name left my lips again and again. I needed him inside me. I was about to come when he caught my wrists, holding them tight to my sides.
“Have to taste you for a minute, baby.” His tongue flattened and lashed across my *. The slow and steady climb to my orgasm sharpened into a steep one. I cried out as the sensation of his mouth on me launched me perilously close to the precipice. I bucked my hips, desperate for him, for more delicious Blake contact. He tore away, but before I could protest, he’d buried his cock in me balls deep in one single thrust, quickly followed by another.
“Blake, oh God, I’m coming,” I cried, my body shuddering with the searing pleasures overwhelming me.
“That’s right, I want to feel you fist around my cock. You’re so f*cking tight already.”
He kept up his punishing thrusts, thumbing my * in careful circles until I came with a wild string of cries. I swore, in my mindless release, that nothing had ever felt that good. Ever.
Blake found his own pleasure somewhere in the blur of my orgasm and collapsed over me. We lay there in a wasted heap, our breathing shallow and uneven.
“Good girl,” Blake whispered.