“It’s nothing. The kids are in Gavin’s room playing. I gave them a piggy bank full of pennies to count,” Carter reassures me as he begins kissing his way down my damp neck and goes back to gliding his finger in and out of me.
“Ohhhhh fuck,” I moan, tilting my head back until it rests against the tile wall. “You should probably check on them. The penny thing worked when Gavin was four. I don’t think it’s going to work now. He’s almost nine, knows how to use the internet and is tall enough to reach the matches and lighter fluid in the laundry room.”
A crash and a yell sound down the hall and I sit up quickly, splashing water over the side of the tub, forcing Carter to fall back onto the floor on his ass.
“Shit. I’ll go check it out,” he says with a sigh as he stands up and opens the bathroom door. “We’ll continue this after I’ve duct taped them to the wall.”
He closes the door behind him and I lean back into the warm, soapy water with a smile on my face.
The past few years have been hectic, but I wouldn’t change them for the world. A year after Sophia was born, we had moved into a new home. The small, ranch house was perfect when it was just the three of us, but once you had a baby, it came with a lot of shit. We had quickly outgrown that house and moved into a two-story colonial a few streets away from Liz and Jim.
Business at Seduction and Snacks is still booming. I've added more items to my menu so people can have breakfast or lunch there, and I've hired five additional people to the staff. Liz and Jim had just gave birth to their second baby girl last month and Jenny and Drew are planning a weekend wedding in Vegas in a few months. I’m pretty sure that plan includes being married by Elvis and spending time in a lot of strip clubs. Jenny had finally found another job in marketing but still works for me on the side. She refuses to take any money from me though so I pay her in chocolate. Drew still begs me to pay her in sexual favors and is sadly disappointed every time I refuse.
Gavin is now eight and a half years old and getting ready to start third grade and our baby Sophie is growing up entirely too fast. She'll be going to preschool this year and I want to sob every time I think about it. Gavin is an amazing big brother and has spent the past three years teaching his little sister everything he can about tormenting us. The other day, Sophie had come into our bedroom and announced she had a song she wanted to sing us. It had gone a little something like this, “I have a vagina, vagina, vagina. I love my vagina, vagina, vagina.” So far I haven’t been able to convince her that this song should never be sung at the top of her lungs in the middle of the cereal aisle of the grocery store.
My father had married his long-time girlfriend Sue a few months ago in a small ceremony in his backyard. Gavin, Sophia, and Sue’s granddaughter Sarah made up the wedding party. Sarah and Sophia were the same age and Gavin escorted both of them down the aisle. And by escorted, I meant kept the two girls separated since they kept trying to smack each other with their flower girl baskets as they walked until they eventually took Gavin down with them in a big pile of flailing arms, legs, screaming, and crying. Carter and I ran down the aisle and tried to break up the fight but Jesus, those girls were strong. Carter got kicked in the nuts and dropped down to his knees, and I got scratched in the face. Regardless, it was a beautiful ceremony and my mother, in her usual fashion, took control of Tee Time at the small reception. Jenny almost became “that person” who puked on the dance floor, but a cousin of my father’s dragged her into the bathroom and showed her a trick where you drink straight from the faucet and then make yourself burp three times. Jenny had wound up making out with her as a thank you, and Drew passed out cold when he witnessed it.