chapter 6
Trista
The night progressed in a laidback, easy manner. After a few more drinks, we were all throwing jokes at each other. Though Taylor and I barely conversed with each other, I was hyper aware of him, though. Pretty boy got to me after that cutting remark. He was right about everything he had said, and I despised him for it.
Right about one in the morning, Emma and Lindsey started to yawn. “I’m going to bed. I have to wake up early tomorrow,” Emma yawned. Bass got up with her and bid us all goodnight.
Taylor, Lindsey and I sat about quietly. We stared before us, across the vast expanse of the dark sea. “You guys want to check out Ios Island tomorrow?” Taylor broke the silence.
Lindsey stretched around her lounge, her fit body on display. It didn’t surprise me that Taylor noticed. “Sure, what do you have in mind?” Lindsey sparked up, her exhaustion almost disappearing.
Shit, two days with Taylor? That was so not a part of my vacation plan.
“Well, those two will be busy and won’t be available until Saturday, anyway. We could go for a couple of days and come back here on Friday. Or we could meet them up in Athens on Saturday. A lot of the folks go back to the mainland during the weekend.” Taylor looked at us, back and forth. I barely shrugged at him.
I refused to be on friendly terms with him and had gotten the feeling that he felt the same way. If anything, we were simply being civilized with each other.
“Does the plan sound cool to you, Tris? We could leave after lunch.” Lindsey stood up. She covered her mouth when another yawn came.
I nodded in agreement because there was never any point in arguing when Lindsey was geared up to do something. “Yeah, sounds good.”
It was then that Taylor’s cellphone chirped. He glanced at it. A small frown crossed his pretty boy features. Lindsey was mumbling something about the trip tomorrow, but I kept my gaze on Taylor. He didn’t seem pleased.
“Peace out, world. See you guys tomorrow.” Lindsey gave a lazy wave and strode back inside the house.
“Going to make a call and turn in as well, goodnight.” Taylor gave me a quick glance and disappeared inside.
Fishy… did he make that excuse to avoid being left alone with me? Or to follow Lindsey inside?
I stood up, shook my sandals off my feet, and strolled towards the beach. I made a pleasurable sigh when I felt the warmth of the sand in between my toes. I started to make my way to the shore and chose a spot to sit somewhere dry, but that was close enough to the water for my toes to reach the tide. Immediately, my thoughts dragged me back to my dark place. I wondered if I wouldn’t be as miserable if Harry hadn’t dropped me the way he did.
That feeling of betrayal, the gut-wrenching sensation of being bared open that leaves this massive deteriorating hole inside me, coming right back at me as soon as I am alone. It’s like an infested monster. It eats, claws and pulls me in its shackles.
Tears flowed freely down my face and I couldn’t be bothered to stop them. No matter how much I wanted to hate Harry, my heart wouldn’t let me. I was angry and I wanted to kick his balls, but I didn’t hate him. Why can’t I hate him? It would make life so much easier.
I didn’t know how long I stared at the sea whilst crying my eyes out. This was the first time since Tristan’s death that I had gone this close to the shore. I couldn’t really do it before. I somehow felt like I was betraying my brother’s memory if I allowed myself to enjoy the sea. Tristan was my champion, he looked out for me and in return, I worshipped my brother. He was the perfect son, and we all felt his loss. I missed him dearly. At times like these, I wished he was still alive to tell me what to do, to tell me that it’ll be okay.
Life had a twisted and weird sense of humor. It makes you yearn for things, makes you fall in love, but it’s diabolical because it never fails to betray you. It stabs you in the back when you’re not anticipating it. Love kills. The love of surfing killed Tristan. Love killed me—inside. Death gnawed inside me, until there was nothing left except emptiness.
I got up and carefully dipped my foot in the water . I was delighted that , it felt warm on my toes . Out of the blue, I had this crazy urge to go swimming. With my dress on, I paced until the water engulfed half of my body. I huffed out a brave sigh and dived underwater. It was murky as I swam deeper, until it was pitch black. I stopped swimming and slowly looked up to see if I could see any light from the moon, there was none. Darkness surrounded me. So, I swam a little further out until it was hard to continue. It was odd, but it gave me comfort.
The tight, heaviness of my chest told me that I needed to swim back up to get some air, but the darkness called upon me, soothing me, a complete balm to my shattered soul. It slowly pulled me downwards… drawing me in… calling me.
I suddenly felt at peace.
The nagging voices in my head stopped. They couldn’t torture me anymore.
My mind shut off, rendering it blank. Empty. I think I formed a ghost of a smile before I utterly surrendered to it.