The drive only takes me fifteen minutes. I put my car in park and notice a few snowflakes starting to fall. This was Kinsey’s favorite time of year. She always loved when the flowers would get covered in soft flakes. Now every time it begins to snow, I can’t help but think of her. From the smells of an impending snow, to the chill it leaves on your skin, it all reminds me of her.
Looking in my backseat, I’m thankful to see a hoodie. Now I won’t get the “tattoo looks” walking in. Besides, this prick already hates me. I grab it and put it on as I head inside the long, gray building. Two officers exit and one holds the door for me. The instant I walk inside, my senses are invaded by something so familiar. It all takes me back to that day…
“What do you mean I can’t file a missing person’s case? My sister never came home and I can’t get ahold of her. What more proof do you need?”
“I’m sorry, Mr…?”
“Adams,” I snap back.
“Mr. Adams, without any proof of foul play, we have to wait at least twenty-four hours.”
“That’s fucking bullshit,” I yell.
The woman sulks in her chair and a tall, salt-and-pepper haired man stands from a desk in the back. He walks over to us and asks, “Is there a problem here, son?”
“Yeah, my sister is missing and for some God unknown reason this woman won’t let me file a missing person’s report until it’s been twenty-four hours.”
“How old is she?”
“Twenty-two.”
“Do you have any proof of foul play?” I shake my head knowing exactly where this is going.
“I’m sorry, but unless she is a minor, state law requires us to wait at least twenty-four hours. Here is my card; if she doesn’t come home, please call me directly.”
I snatch the card out of his hand and look him straight in the eyes. My breathing is harsh and his disregard doesn’t make anything better. I have a short fuse, always have. The last thing I need to do is assault a police officer…
“Mr. Adams, I was expecting you. How’s your mom?” he asks.
“She’s not well, and your phone call didn’t make things any better.”
“I apologize about that. Come with me, I assume you have some questions.”
I nod my head following Detective Eldridge to one of the back interrogation rooms. He opens the wooden door for me, and I take a seat in one of the dark blue, cloth chairs.
He sits across from me and crosses his hands on the table waiting for me to speak. Staring down at the rough carpet I ask, “Is she here?”
He shakes his head and responds softly, “No.”
Bringing my pain-filled eyes up to meet his, the tears well and I don’t know why. It’s not like I wanted to see her, but part of me found comfort in thinking we were in the same building.
“What happened?”
“Are you sure you want to get into this without your parents here?”
“Yes,” I snap and slam my fist on the table. “My mom told you from the beginning that she wants you to tell me everything.”
“Calm down, Mr. Adams, I just wanted to ask. Your sister was found off of Old John’s Road in a vacant home. From what we can tell, she broke in and parked her car in the garage.”
I inhale sharply at his words.
“There was a hose that went into the driver’s window of her car and the vehicle ran ’til it was out of gas.”
My mind slips thinking of Kinsey breaking into a house. Parking inside some random garage. Killing herself by feeding a hose through her car window.
“When are you going to do an autopsy?”
“We’re not.”
“Goddammit, you have to. She didn’t do this to herself. Kinsey wouldn’t have.”
“Mr. Adams, I understand how hard this must be for you. But this is a clear case of suicide. There is no reason to do an autopsy; please let your sister rest in peace. She made this decision.”
“Fuck you, she didn’t make this decision.”
In life, it is said that everything happens for a reason. If that’s true, how can you explain death? What’s the reason? Especially when it happens to someone so young, so beautiful, and so innocent? I struggle with these thoughts every day.
It’s been six months since Kinsey’s body was found and I mask the pain the only way I know how – by obsessing and losing myself over her death. Glancing at the clock, I’ve been staring at my laptop for over five hours. Fuck, where did the time go? I can’t do this anymore. I need to get away.
I dial Jamison on my way out. He doesn’t answer, so I shoot him a text.
What up, man, I’m all out and need a downer.
I wait a few minutes and watch the time on the clock tick by. It moves slowly, yet looking back, it’s passed in the blink of an eye.
Since I know my dad will be home soon, I just start to drive out of my New Jersey neighborhood, weaving through the streets that are thickly lined with trees. Tiny snowflakes swirl around as I stare out my windshield – my destination as of now…unknown.
That is ’til a text message chimes in. I glance down, as I pull up to a stop sign.
I got something you’ll like. They’ll run ya fifteen bucks a pill, but worth it.
I’ll take ’em all.