Chapter 19
Alex
Looking in the mirror, I rake my fingers through my hair, not caring at all where the locks may fall, and give my appearance a quick once-over. I need to leave soon to pick Sutton up for dinner and I’m anxious to see her.
You wouldn’t think so, considering I made an unscheduled visit to the crisis center to see her about three hours ago, compliments of some plotting with Miss Minnie, the front desk receptionist. Yes, I had been on a road trip out west for the last five days and even though I had plans to spend the evening with Sutton, I had found my mid-afternoon to be sorely lacking and took it upon myself to go see her.
After I cleared it with Minnie, of course.
When I arrived at the center, I was rewarded with a brilliant smile from Minnie. “Hi, Alex,” she said warmly in that soft Southern voice that I’d quickly come to appreciate. Who would have thought that I’d be charmed by an old woman with blue hair who smells like magnolias most of the time?
Reaching into the large paper bag I’d carried in with me, I pulled out a small vase with an arrangement of red and gold flowers in them. I had no clue what type of flowers they were, nor did I care. I bought them spontaneously at the grocery store for Minnie, to show her my appreciation for having twice now helped me to see Sutton unannounced.
“These are for you,” I told her with a flourish as I handed them across the desk.
Her eyes lit up with joy as she reached out and took the vase. “Oh, Alex…you devil, you. How did you know mums were my favorite flower?”
I had no clue what a mum was, but I never missed a beat when I flashed my pearly whites and said, “You just seemed like a ‘mum’ type of woman. Elegant and classic.”
My compliment struck deep because Minnie flushed red and batted her eyelashes for a moment. Then her gaze hardened a bit as she stared at me directly. “And did you do as I suggested?”
Shaking the brown paper bag so the contents inside rustled, I said, “Yup. Just as you suggested.”
Smiling at me conspiratorially, Minnie stood from her desk and led me to the locked door that goes back to Sutton’s office. “That’s a good boy. You’ll steal her heart for sure.”
I already had her body. I suppose her heart was up for grabs too, but did I really want it? I never wanted anyone else’s before, but there’s no doubt…Sutton is different.
Minnie unlocked the door and ushered me through as I gave her a short goodbye. I practically ran down the hallway toward Sutton’s office, my long legs eating up the distance in my eagerness to see her. When I reached her office and looked in, my heart skipped a beat as she came into view. She was wearing her hair long and loose, coppery masses hanging over her shoulder and shining bright against the soft gray of her silk blouse. She had on a pair of glasses and I was momentarily shocked, because I didn’t know she wore them.
My presence in the doorway alerted her and she looked up at me, her eyes opening wide in delight. She stood up from her desk and gave me a stunning smile. “What are you doing here?”
I stepped inside her office, dropped the brown bag on a chair and closed the door. I wanted privacy for what I was about to do.
Within a few steps, she was in my arms and I first kissed her on top of her head. “I couldn’t wait until tonight to see you.”
“Well, now, that just makes my day,” she mumbled with her face in my chest before she pulled back to look at me, her smile just as radiant.
“Has anyone ever told you that you look smokin’ hot wearing glasses?”
She was utterly f*cking adorable when she blushed over my compliment and reached up to take them off. “Geez…I look like a dork with them. I only wear them when I’m doing a lot of computer work.”
“You look beautiful…with or without them,” I told her as I took the glasses from her hand and set them on her desk. Once my hands were free, I brought them up to place them on her face, relishing the silky softness of her skin. It had struck me clearly that I had never touched a woman like that before Sutton. It felt bold and intimate all at the same time, and I had never felt so proprietary toward something as I felt right then.
I couldn’t f*cking help myself—I bent down and claimed her mouth. We were in the broad light of day, in her place of work, where anyone could walk in at any time.
I couldn’t have cared less.
I plunged my tongue past her lips, seeking her wet warmth, and continued to probe against her. She answered me with equal passion, her fingertips sinking down into the front edge of my pants to pull our bodies closer. A tiny moan escaped her mouth and I sucked it down, kissing her harder.
The more I kissed her, the more I felt starved for her, almost as if my life depended upon that contact, and while it was the most amazing and unique feeling, a little kernel of fear took root.
I became fearful that Sutton was becoming necessary to me, and that could be translated into a weakness. I had been conditioned my entire existence to cut everything out of my life that could divert my attention…that could claim any part of my being.
And it’s not just my being that was at risk. Sutton could threaten to claim my very soul—this I knew to be true, and yet I still continued to kiss her, unwilling to let go of the perfectness that was lying against my tongue.
When my dick reached epic hardness and I started considering a way to hike up her skirt and f*ck her on her desk, Sutton had the sense to pull back, and our kiss was broken with a painful sigh.
Opening my eyes, I gazed down at my girl. As her own eyes cleared up a bit, she gave me a tremulous smile and said, “God, I missed you.”
Those four words tipped me over the edge and I pretty much f*cking kissed my soul goodbye. I know I’m probably still destined to screw things up with Sutton but I’ve decided, until then, my soul is her bitch. Until I screwed it up I was going to be selfish and push forward to possess every bit of her that I could.
Stepping back so her fingertips were dislodged from my pants, I reached down and adjusted myself, earning a sexy giggle. Turning around, I grabbed the paper bag from the chair and handed it to her. “I brought you something.”
“From your trip out west?” she asked with excitement as she reached for the bag.
“Sadly, no. From the grocery store down the street.”
She grinned at me and reached inside the bag, “Well, it’s the thought that counts.”
Her brows angled inward as her fingers made contact with her gift within the depths of the brown paper. When she pulled it out, her face lit up with joy and she held up for me to see the bag of Hershey’s Kisses with Almonds.
“How in the world did you know these were my favorite?”
“I have my connections,” I assured her with a smirk.
“Minnie,” she said emphatically. “That woman ratted me out.”
“She was just trying to give me a leg up,” I said in Minnie’s defense. “I’m trying to get in good with you.”
Stepping back toward me, she stood on her tiptoes to kiss me, so I bent down to oblige her. It was a sweet laying of lips upon mine, brief and soft, and then she stepped back. “You’re already in good with me.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah…you give me some amazing orgasms.”
I sucked in my breath so fast with an unexpected laugh that I choked, which in turn caused me to have a coughing fit. Sutton winked at me with a grin, and then handed me the bag of chocolate.
I took it from her with my eyebrows raised.
“You have to keep this,” she told me. “I only allow myself two a day. If I keep it, I’ll eat the entire thing the minute you leave.”
“Fine,” I told her with a nod as I put the chocolates in the brown paper bag. “You can have two tonight after dinner.”
“My hero, my jailer,” she lamented. “And before I forget,” she said as she rounded her desk again. “I finalized all of the material for the outreach program. I’m going to set up a talk with one of the local high schools and want to know if you can go with me. Sort of like a practice run.”
“Absolutely,” I told her as her phone started to ring on her desk. “Let’s work it around my schedule and pick a time when I’ll be here a few days.”
Holding up her index finger for me to wait, she reached for the receiver with a smile and said, “What’s up, Minnie?”
I watched as the light in her eyes dimmed just a bit and she gave a sigh. “Okay. Go ahead and send him back.”
Placing the phone on the hook, she turned to me. “My dad is here to see me.”
“Jim?” I asked with uncertainty, because I knew based on the way she talked about her stepdad that he practically walked on water and wouldn’t cause that look on her face.
“No…my biological dad. Who you will have the pleasure of meeting in about ten seconds.” Her voice was heavy with resignation.
The prospect of meeting Sutton’s drug-addict father should have sent me scurrying, not only because it could be awkward but because it could remind me too much of my own father. But a protective instinct reared up within and I knew I would stay to make sure that Sutton was okay.
A knock on the door sounded timidly and Sutton said, “Come on in, Cosmo.”
I turned to look at her and mouthed the word “Cosmo?”
She shrugged her shoulders at me as if to say, Hey, I didn’t name the man, then put a smile on her face that looked a little plastic as she turned to face her birth father.
The man who entered bore no resemblance to Sutton. She got her auburn hair and hazel eyes from her mother, and Cosmo had dishwater blond hair and soft brown irises. He was average height but was tremendously skinny, his Adam’s apple protruding out almost grotesquely and his cheeks gauntly hollow. He was wearing jeans that were smudged with dirt on the knees and a faded brown flannel shirt that looked about two sizes too big for him. While his clothes looked dirty and threadbare, the rest of him looked clean enough, although he clearly hadn’t shaved in several days.
“There’s my baby girl,” he said as he opened his arms up to Sutton.
She didn’t move from behind her desk but allowed her eyes to rake up and down her father. I didn’t miss the tightening of her lips and the ice that formed in her gaze.
“What do you want, Cosmo?” she said, completely ignoring his request for a hug. Her voice wasn’t exactly mean, but it definitely sounded aloof. The smile on his face faltered and his arms dropped to his side.
“I was in the area…thought I’d stop by and see how you were doing.”
“I’m doing well, thank you. But as you can see, I’m with someone now,” she said as she gestured toward me, “and I don’t have time for a visit.”
Cosmo turned to look at me and his eyes went round in surprise. “Holy shit—you’re Alex Crossman.”
I stepped forward with a smile and held my hand out to him. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
He took my hand with both of his and pumped an enthusiastic shake. “I’m Cosmo…Cosmo Price. Sutton’s dad. Are you and Sutton seeing each other?”
I said “yes” at the exact time Sutton said “no.” Her dad’s head turned back and forth between the two of us, not sure who to believe. I looked at Sutton and arched an eyebrow at her.
She closed her eyes briefly, letting out a pent-up breath. “I mean, yes, we are seeing each other. We’re also working on a drug outreach program.”
“That’s fantastic,” Cosmo said, his smile beaming as he looked back and forth between us.
Sutton stepped out from behind her desk and opened the door. “Well, thanks, but like I said, I’m busy. Alex and I have to go over the program materials.”
“But…I thought we could talk—” her dad said but Sutton cut him off.
“You know you can’t just drop by at my work. I’ve told you before, you need to arrange a time,” she reprimanded, and I thought that sounded a little harsh.
“But I need some money,” he blurted out and I could see Sutton’s body stiffen with tension.
“Yes, I know that’s why you’re here. You’re using again.”
“I just need a few bucks to get something to eat…maybe get a motel room to stay tonight.”
“You need money for your next fix,” she said, her voice staying calm but filled with ice. “You can get food and shelter down the street at the Savior Mission.”
“I’m not using,” he said urgently, but Sutton held her hand up and he snapped his mouth shut.
“Your eyes are dilated, your shoelace is missing and you’re scratching at the insides of your arms. You’re using,” she said emphatically. “And I’m not funding your habit.”
Cosmo turned pleading eyes to me, and I then saw what Sutton saw. His pupils were large and black, overtaking most of his irises. “Alex…buddy…I’m sure you could spare a few bucks for—”
“Okay,” Sutton cut in and took her father by the elbow. “You need to go…right now, Cosmo. And don’t ever show up here again while you’re high. I work in a drug crisis center, for Pete’s sake!”
She gave him a quick push out the door and I saw a brief glance he threw my way, and then the door was shut and Cosmo was gone.
Turning around, Sutton leaned back against the door, her palms braced flat against it. She gave me a wry smile and said, “And that was Cosmo Price.”
“Holy f*ck,” I told her sincerely, my heart squeezing painfully over her misery.
“Exactly,” she agreed and pushed away from the door to head back around her desk. “Now, let me show you those materials—”
My arm snaked out and I circled my fingers around her elbow, halting her progress. She turned to look at me in question.
“I’m sorry” is all I could think to say.
Her smile radiated warm and tender as she placed her hand over mine and stroked my skin. “It’s okay.”
“No…there’s nothing about that that is ‘okay.’ But you handled that phenomenally. I’m in awe, frankly.”
“It’s hard to give tough love, but I have to do that not only for him, but for the sake of my own sanity,” she said as she pulled away from me, and I thought in that moment that Sutton had to be one of the most incredibly well-balanced people I had ever known.
“What did you mean about his shoelaces?” I asked curiously.
“Oh, that. A junkie will use his shoelaces to tie around his arm to plump up a vein. I noticed one of his was missing on the same shoes I last saw him in about a month ago. I’m sure he got so hopped up on the H that he pulled the lace off and left it in some dirty alley where he shot up.”
My stomach curdled at the thought. Her dad’s life was crazy ugly and she had to deal with shit that was probably a lot screwier than my shit.
Sutton opened up a desk drawer and pulled out a binder. Setting it on her desk, she started flipping through it. “I really don’t need you to review this, but if you want to, by all means.”
That’s when I noticed it. Her eyes weren’t really looking at the pages, but seemed to be clouded. Her right hand shook slightly as she turned another page.
In two strides I was at her side and pulling her into my arms. The minute they circled her, a shudder rushed through her body and her fingers dug into my back desperately.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t let him get to me.”
“Shh,” I murmured with my lips pressed against the top of her head. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You were amazing the way you handled that.”
With a stuttering breath, she squeezed me once and then pulled back. She looked okay…calm and poised once again. She raked her fingers through her hair and I noticed her hand was steady once more. “Thanks. I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” I asked skeptically.
Giving me a genuine smile, she said, “Absolutely. I’ve got a hot date tonight and a bag of chocolate to look forward to.”
“You have just two pieces to look forward to,” I reminded her.
“Well, that will work too. As long as you’re the one feeding them to me.”
***
Breaking out of the reverie of my afternoon and brooding over having met Sutton’s birth father, I take one final glance in the mirror and walk out of the bathroom. Grabbing my keys and a light jacket, I open my apartment door and head out, my excitement over seeing Sutton starting to build yet again.
Just as I pull onto the belt line, which is the quickest way to her house, my phone rings. Activating my Bluetooth, I answer the call through the car’s speakers. “Hello.”
“Hey, Alex. It’s Cam.”
My brother’s voice is tentative, unsure as to how I’ll react. What he normally gets from me is indifference, because I couldn’t care if he ever called me again. We had never been close growing up, and when he turned eighteen, he quickly escaped our father’s drunken rule and never looked back.
He never thought twice about leaving me behind with a monster. Never bothered to check up on me. He calls me a few times a year to check in, see how I’m doing, but our conversations usually peter out after much awkward silence or one-word answers from my end.
“What’s up?” I ask, trying to sound interested. Maybe I am…a little. It seems I’m caring about all kinds of shit these days.
“It’s Dad…he’s in the hospital.”
Even though my father rained terror and abuse down on me, even though he deprived me of a normal childhood, even though he twisted me into something that only vaguely looks like a human being at times, a fissure of fear quakes through me at those words.
“What happened?” I ask, my throat rasping out the words.
“He called me last night…was a bit disoriented. I went over to his house and found he had been vomiting some blood, so I took him to the emergency room.”
“Same shit, different day,” I mutter.
“Yeah…just thought you should know. He’s stable now and they’ll probably discharge him tomorrow.”
“All right,” I say with a sigh. “Let me know if anything worsens.”
Cam is silent for a moment and then he says, “I was thinking of coming down to visit you for a few days. Would that be okay?”
My mind starts spinning. Cameron has never visited me since I became an adult and started playing major league hockey. He’s never even offered and I certainly never invited him.
Before I can answer, he adds on, “I think we need to talk about Dad.”
I want to say, “What’s to talk about?”
Dad is going to drink himself into the grave. This most recent hospitalization is his fourth in the last two years. He has alcoholic hepatitis and probably cirrhosis from the abuse his liver has taken. His doctors have told him the only true treatment—the only hope of slowing the effects—is to stop drinking. He’s never taken their advice.
It’s hard to worry about my dad’s health when he’s not worried about it. But again, before I can respond, Cam adds on, “Not to talk about treatment. We need to discuss what’s going to happen after…”
His words trail off and his voice breaks. He wants to talk about what happens when our dad dies, and the way he is going—seems like it could be at any time.
“Sure,” I tell him softly. “I’ll email you my travel schedule and you just let me know when you want to get together.”
We disconnect and I brood the entire way over to Sutton’s.