Wallbanger

Chapter Five
“OH, GOD.”
Thump.
“Oh, God.”
Thump thump.
I was traveling up the bed with the strength of his thrusts. He drove into me with unflinching force, giving me exactly what I could take, then pushing me just past that edge. He stared down at me, hard, flashing a knowing smirk. I closed my eyes, letting myself feel how deeply I was being affected. And by deep, I mean deep…
He grasped my hands and brought them above my head to the headboard.
“You’re gonna wanna hold on tight for this,” he whispered and threw one of my legs up over his shoulder as he altered the rhythm of his hips.
“Simon!” I shrieked, feeling my body begin to spasm. His eyes, those damnable blue eyes, bore into mine as I shook around him.
“Mmm, Simon!” I screamed again. And promptly woke up—with my arms over my head, hands tightly grasping the headboard.
I closed my eyes for a moment and forced my fingers to uncurl. When I looked again I could see dents in my hands from gripping so tightly.
I struggled to sit up. I was covered in sweat and panting. I was actually panting. I found the sheets in a ball at the foot of the bed with Clive buried underneath, just his nose peeking out.
“Oh, Clive, are you hiding?”
“Meow,” came the angry reply, and a tiny face followed the kitty nose.
“You can come out, silly. Mommy’s done screaming. I think.” I chuckled, running a hand through my damp hair.
I had charmingly sweated through my pjs, so I got up to stand over the A/C vent, cooling off and beginning to calm down. “That was close, huh, O?” I grimaced, pressing my legs together and feeling a not-unpleasant ache between my thighs.
Ever since the night Simon and I “met” in the hallway, I couldn’t stop dreaming about him. I didn’t want to, really didn’t want to, but my unconscious mind had taken over and was having her way with him. Nocturnally. My body and brain were separate on this one: Brain knew better, Lower Caroline was not so sure…
Clive pushed past me and ran into the kitchen to do his little dance next to his bowl.
“Yah yah yah, settle down,” I croaked as he threaded himself in and out of my ankles. I dumped a scoop of kibble in his bowl and hit the coffee. I settled against the counter and tried to collect myself. I was still breathing a little hard.
That dream had been…well, it had been intense. I thought again of his body perched over mine, a bead of sweat rolling off his nose and dropping onto my chest. He’d lowered himself and dragged his tongue up my stomach, toward my breasts, and then…
Ping! Ping!
Mr. Coffee brought me back from my saucy thoughts, and I was grateful. I could feel myself getting worked up again. Is this going to be a problem?
I poured a cup of coffee, peeled a banana, and looked out the window. I ignored my compulsion to massage the banana and thrust it into my mouth. Oh, sweet Christ, the thrusting! This was headed south fast. And by south I mean…
I slapped myself in the face and forced my mind to think of something besides the manwhore I was currently sharing a wall with. Inane things. Innocuous things.
Puppy dogs…doggy style.
Ice cream cones…licking his cone and two scoops.
Children’s games…damn, did I want to do whatever Simon Says…Okay, enough! Now you aren’t even trying.
While showering I sang “The Star Spangled Banner” over and over again to keep my hands from doing anything other than washing up. I needed to remember what an a*shole he was—not how he looked in only a sheet and a grin. I closed my eyes and leaned into the spray, remembering that night again. Once I’d stopped staring at his, well, his below the sheet, I’d opened my mouth to speak:
“Now look here, mister, do you have any idea how loud you are? I need my sleep! If I have to listen to one more night, one more minute, in fact, of you and your harem banging away on my wall, I’ll go insane!”
I yelled to release all the tension that would have, could have, should have been released already in a very Clooney way.
“Just settle down. It can’t be that bad. These walls are pretty thick.” He grinned, pumping his fist against the doorframe and trying to unleash a little charm. He was clearly used to getting what he wanted. With abs like that, I could see why.
I shook my head to impart focus. “Are you out of your mind? The walls are not nearly as thick as your head. I can hear everything! Every spank, every meow, every giggle, and I have had it! This shit ends now!” I screeched, feeling my face burn with fury. I’d even used air quotes to emphasize the spank, meow, and giggle.
As I spoke of his harem, he began to downshift from charm to chastise. “Hey, that’s about enough!” he shot back. “What I do in my home is my business. I’m sorry if I disturbed you, but you can’t just come over here in the middle of the night and dictate what I can and can’t do! You don’t see me coming across the hall and banging on your door.”
“No, you just bang on my damn wall. We share a bedroom wall. You’re right up against me when I’m trying to sleep. Have some common courtesy.”
“Well, how come you can hear me and I can’t hear you? Wait, wait, there’s no one banging on your walls, is there?”
He smirked, and I felt the color drain from my face. I crossed my arms tightly across my chest, and as I looked down, I remembered what I was wearing.
Pink baby doll nightie. What a way to establish credibility.
As I fumed, his eyes drifted down my body, unabashedly taking in the pink and the lace and the way my hip jutted out as I tapped my foot angrily.
His eyes finally came back up, and he met my stare, not backing down. Then with a twinkle in those baby blues, he winked at me.
I saw red. “Oooohhh!” I’d screamed and slammed back into my apartment.
Mortified now, I let the water wash away my frustration. I hadn’t seen him since, but what if I did? I thumped my head against the tiles.
When I opened the front door forty-five minutes later, I tossed a goodbye to Clive over my shoulder and prayed silently that there’d be no random harem girls in the hallway. All clear.
I pushed my sunglasses on as I walked out the door of the building, barely noticing the Range Rover. And by barely, I mean I barely noticed that rover rhymed with over, as in bend me over the chair in my family room and—
Caroline!
I might have a problem here.

Later that afternoon Jillian stuck her head inside my office. “Knock, knock,” she said, smiling.
“Hey! What’s going on?” I leaned back in my chair.
“Ask me about the house in Sausalito.”
“Hey, Jillian, how’s the house in Sausalito?” I asked, rolling my eyes.
“Done,” she whispered and threw her arms in the air.
“Shut up!” I whispered back.
“Totally, completely, absolutely done!” She squealed and sat down across from me.
I offered a fist bump across the desk. “Now that is some good news. We need to celebrate.” I reached into a drawer.
“Caroline, if you pull out a bottle of scotch, I’m going to have to consult human resources,” she warned, a grin twitching.
“First of all, you are human resources. And second of all, like I would keep scotch in my office! Obviously that’s in a flask lashed to my thigh.” I giggled, producing a Blow Pop.
“Nice. Watermelon even. My favorite,” she said as we unwrapped and began to suck.
“So, tell me all about it,” I prompted.
I’d been consulting a little with Jillian as she chose the final touches on the house she and Benjamin had been renovating, and I knew it was just the kind of house I’d been dreaming of for years. Like Jillian, it would be warm, inviting, elegant, and filled with light.
We talked shop for a while, and then she let me get back to work.
“By the way, housewarming next weekend. You and your posse are invited,” she said on her way out the door.
“Did you just say posse?” I asked.
“I might have. You in?”
“Sounds great. Can we bring anything, and can we stare at your fiancé?”
“Don’t you dare, and I would expect nothing less,” she fired back.
I smiled as I went back to work. Party in Sausalito? Sounded promising.

“You don’t seriously have a crush on him do you? I mean, how many dreams have you had about him?” Mimi asked, sucking on her straw.
“A crush? No, he’s an a*shole! Why would I—”
“Of course she doesn’t. Who knows where that dick has been? Caroline would never,” Sophia answered for me, tossing her hair over her shoulder and stunning stupid a table of businessmen who’d been staring since she walked in. We’d met for lunch at our favorite little bistro in North Beach.
Mimi settled back into her chair and giggled, kicking me under the table.
“Piss off, pipsqueak.” I stared hard at her, blushing furiously.
“Yeah, piss off, pipsqueak! Caroline knows better than to…” Sophia laughed then trailed off, finally taking off her sunglasses and switching her gaze to me.
The cellist and the pipsqueak watched me fidget. One smiled and the other swore.
“Ah, jeez, Caroline, do not tell me you are crushing on that guy? Oh no, you are, aren’t you?” Sophia huffed as the waiter set down a bottle of Pellegrino. He stared at her as she ran her fingers through her hair, and she waved him away with a carefully aimed wink. She knew how men looked at her, and it was fun to watch her make them squirm.
Mimi was different. She was so tiny and cute that initially men were drawn in by her innate charm. Then they really got a look at her and realized she was lovely. Something about her made men want to take care of her and protect her—until they got her to the bedroom. Or so I’d been told. Crazytown that one was…
I’d been told I was pretty, and on some days I believed it. On a good day I knew I could work it. I never felt as hot as Sophia or as perfectly pulled together as Mimi, but I cleaned up good. I knew when the three of us went out we could really work a scene, and until recently we’d used this to our advantage.
We each had very distinct types, which was good. We rarely went for the same guy.
Sophia was very particular. She liked her men long, lean, and pretty. She liked them not too tall, but taller than her. She wanted her men polite and smart, and preferably with blond hair. It was her true weakness. She also was a sucker for a southern accent. Seriously, if a guy called her “sugar,” she’d wet herself. I had firsthand knowledge of this because I’d messed with her one night when she was wasted using my best Oklahoma accent. I had to fight her off the rest of the evening. She claimed it was college, and she wanted to experiment.
Mimi, on the other hand, was particular, but not with a specific look. She went for overall size. She liked her men big, huge, tall, and strong. She loved when they had to pick her up to kiss her, or stand her on a stool so they didn’t get neck cramps. She liked her men a little on the sarcastic side and hated condescending. Because she was small, she had a tendency to draw types that wanted to “protect.” But girlfriend had been taking karate since she was a kid, and she needed no one’s protection. She was a badass in a retro skirt.
I was harder to pin down, but I knew him when I saw him. Like the Supreme Court and pornography, I was aware. I did have a tendency toward outdoorsy guys—lifeguards, scuba divers, rock climbers. I liked them clean cut, but a little shaggy, gentlemanly with a touch of bad boy, and making enough money that I didn’t have to play mommy. I’d spent a summer with a hotter-than-hell surfer who couldn’t afford his own peanut butter. Even Micah’s round-the-clock orgasms couldn’t save him when I found out he’d been using my AmEx to pay for his sex wax. And his cell phone bill. And his trip to Fiji that I wasn’t even invited on. To the curb, surfer boy. To the curb.
I might have taken one more for the road before he left though. Ahh, the days before O’s departure. Round-the-clock orgasms. Sigh.
“So, wait a minute, have you seen him since the hallway encounter?” Sophia asked after we’d ordered and I’d come back from my surfer memories.
“No,” I groaned.
Mimi patted my arm soothingly. “He’s cute, isn’t he?”
“Dammit—yes! Too cute for his own good. He’s such an a*shole!” I slammed my hand down on the table so hard I made the silverware bounce. Sophia and Mimi exchanged a glance, and I showed them my middle finger.
“And then that morning, he’s in the hallway with Purina, kissing on her! It’s like some sick, twisted orgasm town going over there, and I want no part of it!” I said, chewing furiously on my lettuce after telling them the story for the third time.
“I can’t believe Jillian didn’t warn you about this guy,” Sophia mused, pushing her croutons around on her plate. She was on a no-bread thing again, terrified of the five pounds she claimed she’d put on in the last year. She was full of it, but there was no arguing with Sophia when she set her mind to something.
“No, no, she says she doesn’t know this guy,” I reported. “He must’ve moved in since the last time she was there. I mean, she hardly ever stayed in that place. They just kept it so they always had a place to stay in the city. According to the neighbors, he’s only been in the building a year or so. And he travels all the time.” As I spoke, I realized I’d compiled quite a dossier on this guy.
“So has he been wall banging at all this week?” Sophia asked.
“Relatively quiet, actually. Either he really listened to me and is being neighborly, or his dick finally broke off in one of them and he’s sought medical attention,” I said, a little too loudly. The table of businessmen must’ve been listening pretty closely as they all choked a little just then and shifted in their seats, perhaps crossing their legs in unwitting sympathy. We giggled and continued our lunch.
“Speaking of Jillian, you guys are invited out to the house in Sausalito next weekend for their housewarming party,” I informed them.
They both immediately fanned themselves. Benjamin was the one guy we all agreed on. Whenever we’d plied Jillian with enough liquor, we’d confess our crush to her and make her tell us stories about him. If we were lucky and had managed to get an extra martini into her…well, let’s just say it was nice to know sex continued to be worth doing even after your man was well into his forties. The one about Benjamin and the Tonga Room at the Fairmont Hotel? Wow. She was a lucky woman.
“That’ll be cool. Why don’t we come over and get ready at your place, like the old days?” Mimi squealed as Sophia and I plugged our ears.
“Yes, yes, that’s fine, but no more squealing or we’ll leave your ass with the bill,” Sophia scolded as Mimi settled back into her seat, eyes sparkling.
After lunch, Mimi walked toward her next appointment around the corner, and Sophia and I shared a cab.
“So, naughty dreams about your neighbor. Let’s hear it,” she began, to the great delight of the cab driver.
“Eyes on the road, sir,” I instructed as I caught him looking at us in the rear view mirror.
I let my thoughts drift to the dreams, which had come every night for the past week. I, on the other hand, had not—ratcheting up my sexual frustration to a critical point. When I could ignore the O, I was okay. Now that I was treated to dreams of Simon every night, O’s absence was even more pronounced. Clive had taken to sleeping on top of the dresser, safer with my flailing legs, you see.
“The dreams? The dreams are good, but he’s such an a*shole!” I exclaimed, thumping my fist on the door.
“I know. That’s what you keep saying,” she added, looking at me carefully.
“What? What is that look?”
“Nothing. Just looking at you. You’re awfully worked up over someone who’s an a*shole,” she said.
“I know.” I sighed, looking out the window.

“You’re poking me.”
“I am not.”
“Seriously, what the hell is in your pocket, Mimi? Are you packing?” Sophia exclaimed, jerking her head away as Mimi pressed the curling iron through her hair.
I smiled from my place on the bed, lacing up my sandals. I’d put my own hair up in rollers before the girls got here, so I’d been spared the full treatment. Mimi fancied herself some kind of beauty school dropout, and if she could’ve opened a shop in her bedroom, she’d have given it some careful thought.
Mimi produced a brush from her pocket and showed it to Sophia before starting to tease. With the brush, that is.
We were pre-partying just like we did at Berkeley, right down to the frozen daiquiris. Although we’d upgraded to the good alcohol and freshly squeezed lime juice, it still made us a little hyper and slaphappy.
“Come on, come on—you never know who you might meet tonight! You don’t want to meet Prince Charming with flat hair, do you?” Mimi reasoned as she forced Sophia to flip her hair over to “get some lift at the crown.” You didn’t argue—you just let her do it.
“I’m not flat anywhere. If these girls are on display, Prince Charming won’t even notice I have hair,” Sophia muttered, which sent me into another gale of giggles. Then over our laughter, I heard voices from next door. I got up off the bed and went closer to the wall where I could hear better. This time instead of just Simon, there were two other distinctly male voices. I couldn’t make out what they were saying, but suddenly Guns N’ Roses came blaring through the walls loud enough to make Sophia and Mimi stop what they were doing.
“What the hell is that?” Sophia snapped, looking wildly around the room.
“Simon’s a GN’R fan, I guess.” I shrugged, secretly enjoying being welcomed to the jungle. I put a headband low on my forehead and did Axl’s crab dance back and forth, much to the delight of Mimi and the scorn of Sophia.
“No, no, no—that’s not it, fool,” Sophia scolded over the music and grabbed another headband. Mimi screamed with laughter as Sophia and I Axl-battled. Until, of course, Sophia started to mess up her hair. Then Mimi lunged. Sophia jumped on the bed to get away from her, and I joined her. We jumped up and down, shrieking the lyrics now and dancing wildly. Mimi finally gave in, and all three of us danced like mad fools. I started to feel the bed moving underneath us, and I realized it was banging merrily against the wall—Simon’s wall.
“Take that! And that! And a little of…that! No one’s banging on my walls, huh? Hahahahaha!” I shrieked crazily as Mimi and Sophia watched in amazement. Sophia climbed off the bed, and she and Mimi clutched each other as they laughed and I thumped. I rocked back and forth like I was surfing, driving my headboard into the wall again and again.
The music cut off suddenly, and I dropped like I’d been shot. Mimi and Sophia clasped their hands over each other’s mouths while I lay flat on the bed, biting my own knuckle to keep from laughing. The frenzy in the room was like when you got caught TP-ing someone’s house, or laughing in the back of church. You couldn’t stop, and you couldn’t not stop.
Bang bang bang.
No way. He was banging at me?
Bang bang bang.
He was banging at me…
Bang bang bang! I gave as good as I got. I couldn’t believe he had the balls to try to get me to quiet down. I heard male voices chuckling.
Bang bang bang came once more, and my temper flared.
Oh, he really was an a*shole…
I looked at the girls incredulously, and they jumped back on the bed with me.
Bang bang bang bang we pounded, six furious fists raining down on the plaster.
Bang bang bang bang came back to us—much, much louder this time. His boys must have gotten in on the action.
“Give it up, mister! No sex for you!” I yelled at the wall as my girls cackled maniacally.
“Tons of sex for me, sister. None for you!” he yelled all too clearly through the wall.
I raised my fists to bang once more. Bang bang ba-bang bang rang out from my side.
Bang bang! A single fist answered back, and then all was silent.
“Oooohhhhh!” I screamed at the wall, and I could hear Simon and his boys laughing.
Mimi, Sophia, and I stared wide-eyed at each other until we heard a tiny sigh from behind us.
We turned to see Clive sitting on the dresser. He stared back at us, sighed again, and proceeded to lick his bum.

“The nerve, I mean, the mother-loving nerve of that guy! He has the balls to actually bang on my wall, on my wall? I mean, God what an—”
“A*shole, we know,” Mimi and Sophia said in unison as I continued my rant.
“Yes, an a*shole!” I continued, still worked up. We were in the car on the way to Jillian’s party. The car service had arrived promptly at eight thirty, and we were soon headed over the bridge.
As I looked out at the twinkling lights of Sausalito, I began to calm down a little. I refused to let that guy upset me. I was out with my two best friends, about to attend a fantastic housewarming hosted by the best boss in the world. And if we were lucky, her fiancé would let us see the pictures of him when he was a swimmer in college, back when swimmers still just wore tiny Speedos. We would sigh and gaze endlessly until Jillian made us put them away. And then she would usually put Benjamin away too—for the night.
“I’m telling you, I have a really good feeling about tonight. I feel like something’s going to happen,” Mimi mused, staring thoughtfully out the window.
“Something’s going to happen, all right. We’ll have a great time, drink way too much, and I’ll probably try to cop a feel off Caroline on the car ride home,” Sophia said, winking at me.
“Mmm, sugar,” I teased, and she blew me a kiss.
“Oh, would you two forget your pseudo-lesbian romance? I’m being serious here,” she continued, sighing in the Harlequin romance voice she used sometimes.
“Who knows? Not sure about me, but maybe you’ll meet your Prince Charming tonight,” I whispered, smiling back at her hopeful face. Mimi was certainly the most romantic of the three of us. She was steadfast in her belief that everyone had a soulmate.
Eh…I’d just settle for my Soul-O.
When we pulled up to Benjamin and Jillian’s house, there were cars parked everywhere along the winding street, and Japanese lanterns and luminary bags lined the property. Like most houses set into the hilly landscape, from the street there was nothing to look at. We giggled as we made our way through the gate, and I smiled when the girls stared at the contraption before us. I’d seen the plans for this, but had yet to take a ride.
“What kind of f*cked-up rickshaw is this?” Sophia blurted, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Jillian and Benjamin had designed and installed a hillevator, basically an elevator that went up and down the hill. Very practical when you considered the amount of steps it took to reach the house. Their hillside front yard was blanketed with terraced gardens and benches and various garden scenes, all artfully arranged on flagstone paths lit with tiki torches that led down the hill to the house. But for grocery shopping and other less-leisurely approaches, the hillevator made for a much easier ride.
“Would you ladies care to use the lift or make your way down the path?” an attendant asked, appearing from the other side of the carriage.
“You mean, ride in that thing?” Mimi squeaked.
“Sure, that’s what it’s made for. Come on,” I encouraged, stepping through the little door that he’d opened in the side. It really felt like a ski lift, except that it was going down a hill instead of up in the air.
“Yeah, okay, let’s do it,” said Sophia, climbing in behind me and plopping down on the seat. Mimi shrugged and followed.
“There’ll be someone at the bottom waiting for you. Enjoy the party, ladies.” He smiled, and we were off.
As we rode down the hill, the house rose up to meet us. Jillian had created a purely magical world here, and as there were huge windows throughout the house, we could see into the party as we continued our descent.
“Wow, there’s a lot of people here,” Mimi noted, her eyes huge. The sounds of a jazz band on one of the many patios below came tinkling up to us.
I felt a little fluttering in my tummy as the cart came to a stop and another attendant came to open the door. As we filed out and our heels click-clacked across the flagstone, I could hear Jillian’s voice from inside the house and immediately smiled.
“Girls! You made it!” she called as we walked in.
I turned in the space, taking it all in at once. The house was almost like a triangle, set into the hillside and sprawling outward. Deep mahogany wood floors spread out beneath us, and the clean lines of the walls contrasted beautifully. Jillian’s personal taste was a comfortable modern, and the colors in the house reflected the colors of the surrounding hillside: warm leafy greens, rich earthy browns, soft muted creams, and hints of deep marine blue.
Almost the entire back of the two-story house was glass, taking advantage of the spectacular view. The moonlight danced on the water in the bay, and in the distance you could see the lights of San Francisco.
Tears sprang to my eyes as I saw the home she and Benjamin had created for themselves and as I looked back at her, I saw the excitement in her eyes. “It’s perfect,” I whispered, and she hugged me tightly.
Sophia and Mimi gushed to Jillian as a waiter brought us each a glass of champagne. When Jillian left to go mingle, the three of us made our way out onto one of the many terraces to take stock. Waiters passed trays, and as we munched on roasted prawns and sipped our bubbly, we scanned the crowd for anyone we knew. Of course many of Jillian’s clients were there, and I knew I’d be mixing in a bit of work tonight, but right now I was content to eat my fancy shrimp and listen to Sophia and Mimi size up the men.
“Oooh, Sophia, I see a cowboy for you right over there—no, no, wait, he’s taken by another cowboy. Moving on.” Mimi sighed as she continued her search.
“I got him! I spotted your boy for tonight, Mimi!” Sophia squealed in a whisper.
“Where, where?” Mimi whispered back, hiding her mouth behind a prawn. I rolled my eyes and grabbed another glass of bubbly as the waiter passed.
“Inside—see? Right over there by the island in the kitchen, black sweater and khaki pants? Jesus, he is a tall drink of water…Hmmm, nice hair too,” Sophia mused, narrowing her eyes.
“With the curly brown hair? Yes, I could definitely work with that,” Mimi said, her target acquired. “Look how tall he is. Now, who is that yummy he’s talking to? If that bimbo would just move out of the way,” Mimi murmured, raising an eyebrow until the alleged bimbo finally moved on, giving us a clearer shot of the man in question.
I looked as well, and as a path opened up, we could now see both of the chatting men. The big guy was, well, big. Tall and broad—linebacker shoulders almost. He filled out his sweater quite nicely, and as he laughed his face lit up. Yeah, he was exactly Mimi’s type.
The other gentleman had wavy blond hair that he constantly pushed behind his ears. He wore bookish glasses that really worked for him. He was long and lean and intense looking, almost classical in his beauty. Make no mistake, this guy was geeky gorgeous, and Sophia drew in a quick breath at the sight of him.
As we continued to watch the scene unfold, a third man joined them, and we all smiled. Benjamin.
We headed for the kitchen immediately to say hi to our favorite man on the planet. No doubt Sophia and Mimi were also delighted to have Benjamin handle their introductions. I glanced at the two as they simultaneously worked themselves over. Mimi surreptitiously pinched both cheeks, a la Scarlett O’Hara, and I saw Sophia sneak a quick boob prop. These poor guys didn’t stand a chance.
Benjamin caught sight of us on our way across to him and smiled. The guys opened their circle to let us in, and Benjamin enveloped all three of us in a giant hug.
“My three favorite girls! I was wondering when you were going to turn up. Fashionably late as always,” he teased, and we all giggled. Benjamin did that—he made us into silly schoolgirls.
“Hi, Benjamin,” we said in unison, and it struck me how much we sounded like Benjamin’s Angels at that moment.
Big Guy and Glasses stood there grinning as well, perhaps waiting for an introduction as the three of us just stared at Benjamin. He really was aged to perfection: wavy brown hair, just barely beginning to silver by his temples; jeans, a dark blue shirt, and pair of old cowboy boots. He could have walked right off a Ralph Lauren runway.
“Allow me to make some introductions here. Caroline works with Jillian, and Mimi and Sophia are her, oh, what do you call it—BFFs?” Benjamin smiled, gesturing to me.
“Wow, BFFs? Who’s been teaching you the lingo, daddy-o?” I laughed and extended my hand to Big Guy. “Hi, I’m Caroline. Nice to meet you.”
He engulfed my hand with his paw. It actually was like a paw. Mimi was gonna lose her mind with this one. His eyes were full of fun as he smiled down at me.
“Hey, Caroline. I’m Neil. This tool here is Ryan,” he said, nodding over his shoulder at Glasses.
“Thanks, remind me of that next time you can’t remember your email password.” Ryan laughed good-naturedly and extended his hand to me. I shook it, noticing how scorchingly green his eyes were. If Sophia had kids with this guy, they would be illegally beautiful.
I made sure to handle the continued introductions as Benjamin stepped away. We began to small talk, and I chuckled as the four of them began their little getting-to-know-you dance. Neil spotted someone he knew behind me and shouted, “Hey, Parker, get your pretty-boy ass over here and meet our new friends.”
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” I heard a voice say behind me, and I turned to see who was joining our group.
The first thing I saw was blue. Blue sweater, blue eyes. Blue. Beautifully blue. Then I saw red as I recognized who belonged to the blue.
“F*cking Wallbanger,” I hissed, frozen on the spot.
His grin slid off as well as he played place-the-face for a moment.
“F*cking Pink Nightie Girl,” he finally concluded. He grimaced.
We stared, seething as the air literally turned electric between us, snapping and crackling.
The four behind us had fallen silent, listening to this little interchange. Then they caught up.
“That’s Wallbanger?” Sophia screeched.
“Wait a minute, that’s Pink Nightie Girl?” Neil laughed, and Mimi and Ryan snorted.
My face flamed bright red as I processed this information, and Simon’s sneer became that damnable smirk I’d seen that night in the hallway—when I’d banged on his door and made him quit giving it to the Giggler and yelled at him. When I’d been wearing…
“Pink Nightie Girl. Pink Nightie Girl!” I choked out, beyond pissed. Beyond angry. Well into Furious Town. I stared at him, pouring all of my tension into that one look. All of the sleepless nights and lost Os and cold showers and banana thrusting and merciless wet dreams went into that one look.
I wanted to level him with my eyes, make him beg for mercy. But no…Not Simon, Director of the International House Of Orgasms.
He
Was
Still
Smirking.