Chapter 2
“Long time no see, Connor,” Dr. Peters said as he sat in the blue chair across from me. “I thought you’d given up coming here.”
“I haven’t given up, Dr. Peters; I’ve just been too busy to make an appointment,” I sighed.
I’ve been seeing Dr. Peters for a few years, and he’s the only other person who knows about Amanda apart from Ashlyn. He’s an older gentleman, with salt and pepper hair and a medium build. I found him very easy to open up to. I suppose that’s why I continued seeing him for so long. I’ve tried other therapists, including women, but it became too complicated when they wanted to sleep with me instead of trying to help me.
“Tell me, Connor, have you made any progress since our last visit?”
I leaned back and rested my elbow on the arm of the chair. “No, I haven’t, but like I told you before, I’m not interested in being in a relationship. I like my life just the way it is.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “So, why are you here today?”
“I’ve been having the nightmares again,” I answered as I took in a deep breath.
Dr. Peters looked intently at me and cocked his head, “When did they resume?”
“They came back about a month ago,” I said.
“What do you think triggered them this time?” he asked as if I would really know the answer.
“I don’t know, Dr. Peters, that’s why I’m here.”
“Are you still seeing Ashlyn?”
I looked to the side as I answered his question, “Yes, I am.”
“Are you starting to have feelings for her?” he asked in a serious manner.
“F*ck no, I’m not starting to have feelings for her,” I snapped as I got up from the chair, put my hands in my pocket, and walked over to the window.
“She’s a good lay, that’s it. There’s nothing more to her than that!”
“Why did you get so upset when I asked you that question? It seems to me that you’re angry because you might want something more with someone. Maybe not with Ashlyn or with the other woman you see on a regular basis, but I think you’re starting to feel lonely.”
I turned around and looked at him. Anger began settling in my eyes. “I don’t want anything more with any woman. How many times do I have to tell you that?”
“Calm down, Connor, and sit back in the chair. You need to listen to yourself. It’s not healthy not to want anything more in life than just work. You’ve let your emotions die because of Amanda, and you need to accept the fact that her death wasn’t your fault. You said it yourself; the girl already had emotional problems when you met her.”
I walked back and sat in the chair directly across from Dr. Peters. “She did have some emotional problems, but she clearly pointed out in the letter she left that she killed herself because I broke up with her. How the hell does someone ever get over that? How can I ever get into another relationship with someone knowing that I was the cause of someone else’s death?”
Dr. Peters sat there, staring at me and taking in every word I spoke. “Doc, I don’t feel anything when I’m with a woman. I don’t feel any type of connection at all. There are no emotions running through me, and I could care less if they want more from me. I’m upfront with the women that I sleep with. I use them for pleasure alone, nothing else, and if it’s not good, then I toss them aside and find someone else.”
“Those are harsh words, Connor,” he said tilting his head to one side.
“No emotions, remember, Dr. Peters?”
He sighed and got up from his chair, “I just think you haven’t allowed yourself to find the right woman yet.”
“There is no right woman out there for me, and even if there was, it wouldn’t matter. She would find out who I really am and want nothing to do with me. My past will always stand in the way of that.”
“I’m prescribing you some sleep medication,” Dr. Peters said as he handed me the small piece of paper. “Take one right before bed, and hopefully you’ll be able to get some rest. It won’t stop the nightmares; only you can put an end to them.”
I got up from the chair and sighed. “Thanks for seeing me today; I’ll be in touch.”
“I want to see you next week, Connor, so make sure you make the appointment.”
As I walked out of the office, a text message from Ashlyn came through.
“Let’s meet up tonight at Club S for some fun.”
Club S wasn’t exactly my cup of tea, but I didn’t mind going there to look at the beautiful women. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve brought women home from that club. They don’t call it Club S for nothing. After the session I just had with Dr. Peters, I needed to go out tonight and get drunk to take my mind off things. I replied back to Ashlyn.
“I’ll meet you there around 8:30 pm.”
“Wonderful, I’ll be waiting, and I’ll be wearing something extra sexy for you.”
I arrived back at the penthouse and changed into my workout clothes. I grabbed my bag and had Denny drive me to the gym. A good workout is what I needed right now. I needed to decompress from my session with Dr. Peters. I will never allow myself to fall in love, and there will never be a Mrs.
Black walking around the streets of New York, even though many women have stepped in line to try and be the first.
I ran six miles on the treadmill, lifted some weights, and f*cked Stephanie in the steam room. I’d say it was a very productive workout. Stephanie is fully aware of my rules, and she’s less complicated than the others. She likes it quick and rough with a lot of hair pulling, so of course I have to oblige to keep her wanting more. She’s one hell of a kinky girl. Afterwards, there’s no talk and no questions asked; just a smile and a wave goodbye.
I walked out of the gym with a smile on my face, and as I slipped into the back of the limo, Denny turned around and looked at me.
“Judging by the smile on your face, I assume you had an exceptional workout?”
“I sure did, Denny, I sure did,” I smiled as I leaned my head back.
Upon arriving back at the penthouse, I threw my gym bag in the closet and headed upstairs for a quick shower to wash off the smell of sweat and sex from my body.
I opened the closet door and pulled out my black Armani suit and white shirt. I looked it over and decided this would be perfect to wear to the club. I fixed my sandy blonde hair, put on my suit, and headed to the kitchen where Denny and Claire were talking.
“Denny, I’ll need you to drop me off at Club S tonight and then you’re free to go home.”
“You won’t need a ride home, Connor?” he asked.
“No, I’m meeting Ashlyn there, and she can give me a ride home. You go and spend time with your family.”
Denny smiled and nodded his head.
“Connor, can I get you something to eat before you go?” Claire asked.
“No, Claire, I’m good.”
I looked at my watch, and it was 6:30 pm. I wanted to get to the club before Ashlyn did in case there was someone there that I needed to speak with. Plus, I needed a few drinks before she showed up.
I arrived at the club around 7:00 pm and was surprised at how crowded it was at such an early hour in the evening. I walked to the back by the bar and sat down at my usual table. Rebecca, my favorite waitress, walked over with a smile on her face.
“Good evening, Mr. Black. What can I get you?”
I looked at her and ran my tongue across my lips. She was a twenty-something sex on legs.
“Give me a scotch, and make it a double. In fact, bring two.” I said.
She smiled at me with her eyes and turned away. She returned in a short amount of time and set my drinks on the table.
“Is there anything I can do for you, Mr. Black,” she winked.
I smiled and tilted my head. “I know something you can do for me.”
I got up from my seat and escorted her down the hallway and into a small room that is used for storage. We walked inside as I shut and locked the door. She unbuckled my belt, unbuttoned my pants, and took them down seductively. She didn’t need to stroke me; I was already hard and waiting for her lips to wrap themselves around me. Her mouth was amazing as her tongue made circles around my cock. I let out a low moan as I thrust my hips back and forth while keeping my hands placed on her head. Relax; this isn’t the first time I’ve been with her. She provides me a service occasionally when I come to the club because she’s the best at it, and she knows it. In return, I provide a large tip to thank her for her services.
I left the small room first and walked back to my table with sex on legs following behind. I looked at my watch, and it was 8:00 pm. I had just enough time to down my scotch before Ashlyn showed up.
I stopped dead in my tracks when I looked up and saw her sitting at the table.
“Ashlyn, you weren’t supposed to be here until 8:30 pm.”
“Nice to see you too, Connor,” she said as she kissed me on the cheek. She cocked her head and glared at me.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked.
“Were you just with that waitress that was following behind you?”
I picked up my glass and took a drink. I turned so I was facing her and cupped her chin in my hand.
“That is none of your business, Ashlyn. We’ve been over this a thousand times. What I do and with whom I do it with is none of your concern.”
She looked down and then back up at me. “Connor, there’s something that I need to talk to you about, but first I want to dance. I’ll be back and then we’re going to talk.”
I sighed as she got up and made her way to the dance floor. I called over Rebecca and ordered a few more drinks. I sat there watching beautiful women stare and smile at me as they walked by. A couple of them grabbed my attention, but it was quickly diverted when Ashlyn came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my neck.
“Are you ready for that talk now?” she asked.
I took her arms and quickly removed them from me. I was feeling the effects of the alcohol, and I was in no mood for whatever it was she wanted to talk about. I raised my hand, and once again, I caught Rebecca’s attention to bring over a few more drinks.
“Connor, we need to talk,” Ashlyn said.
I looked over at her and sighed. “Ashlyn, what is it that you want to talk about?”
She started running her finger up and down my arm. “We’ve been seeing each other casually for about a year now, and I think maybe it’s time to take it to the next level.”
I took another drink and looked directly into her eyes. “What the hell are you talking about? What do you mean by ‘the next level’? There is no next level Ashlyn; how many times do I need to tell you that?”
I saw the anger growing in her eyes with each word I spoke. She clenched her jaw and pointed her finger at me, shaking it while starting to yell.
“We’ve been together for a year, but you still see other women! This has to stop, Connor! I know you have some feelings for me in that dead head of yours. I can feel it!”
I took the last sip of my drink and slammed the glass down on the table. I took my finger and pointed it at her; it was my turn now. My voice was angered as I found myself yelling over the loud music that was playing throughout the club.
“I have no feelings for you, Ashlyn! I never have, and I never will! You need to stop this right now or that’s it; I’m done with you for good. You’re nothing but sex to me, and that’s all you’ll ever be!”
Anger overtook her face as she raised her hand and slapped me. The sting of her hand felt permanently etched into the side of my face.
“That’s for disrespecting me, you bastard!” She yelled before turning on her heels and storming off.
I sat there and stared straight ahead. I didn’t care that she left or that I hurt her feelings. She entered into this arrangement fully aware of where she stood with me, and for her to think otherwise is stupid on her part.
I finished off the last of my scotch. I was feeling good as I noticed some girl staring at me from across the bar. Her beauty was breathtaking. I was about to get up and go talk to her until she stood up suddenly and went to the dance floor. I shrugged my shoulders and stumbled to the bar for another drink.