A Perfect Christmas

Chapter THREE


Back inside the church, Neil Graham, a tall boyish-faced nineteen year old with a short back and sides haircut and a hint of a quiff in front, was looking very pensive. His fiancée, a pretty girl of around eighteen dressed in the height of fashion, in a full red skirt with layers of netting underneath, a wide black belt around her trim waist and a short-sleeved Peter Pan-collared blouse under a pink cardigan with embroidered black flowers down the front, stood deep in conversation with the frustrated-looking vicar, intent on checking that every minute detail of the forthcoming wedding service was dealt with to her satisfaction. Neil gave a deep sigh, a grave expression settling over his face. There was something he had to do, something he should have done a long time ago . . . but each time he thought he had built up the courage, at the last minute it had failed him.

Taking a deep breath, he cupped his fiancée’s elbow and said to her, ‘I need to talk to you, Cait. Now, please.’ Suddenly remembering his manners, he said to the vicar, ‘I do apologise for the interruption.’

The clergyman looked relieved rather than offended, and indicated that there was no problem.

Tossing back her mane of long blond hair, Caitlyn Thomas responded, ‘Can’t it wait, Neil? I still have a few details I need to discuss with Reverend Harper and . . .’

He said evenly, ‘Cait, you’ve given your instructions to the Reverend on several previous occasions to my knowledge. I’m sure you don’t need to keep going over them with him. Now I do need to speak to you.’ He then asked the clergyman, ‘Is there somewhere private we can go, please?’

‘You’re quite welcome to use the Vestry,’ Reverend Harper told him. Then he took a quick glance at his watch. ‘Er . . . will this take long, Mr Graham? Only we’re already over-running and I have sick parishioners to visit yet.’

Neil assured him, ‘I’ll be as quick as I can.’

The rest of the gathering looked on perplexed as he guided a bemused Cait into the Vestry. Once inside, Neil shut the door behind them.

She stared at him expectantly for a moment. When he stared back at her, seemingly tongue-tied, her impatience got the better of her and she snapped, ‘Neil, you said what you had to say to me was urgent, so please get on with it. I have a mountain of things still to do and the wedding is only seven days away.’

He had been experiencing feelings of dread, afraid that yet again he was going to back down and not tell her what he knew he needed to, but Cait’s reminding him that their wedding was only a few days away hardened his resolve. He blurted out, ‘I can’t do this any more, Cait.’

She stared at him, utterly shocked, before smiling brightly and telling him, ‘Oh, goodness, for a moment there I thought you were telling me you didn’t want to marry me! But you mean you can’t do any more of this rehearsal tonight as you’ve arranged to meet your mates in the pub. Surely they’ll understand why you’re late, though, considering the circumstances. It’s not like it’s your stag night, is it? That’s not until next Friday. And while we’re on the subject, Neil, please make sure those mates of yours don’t let you drink too . . .’

He sharply interjected, ‘Cait! Will you for once let me finish what I want to say without assuming you know what it is?’

Her mouth snapped shut and her eyes widened in shock. Neil had never used this tone of voice to her before.

Taking advantage of the silence, he told her, ‘When I said I can’t go on with this any more you were right to think I meant with the wedding.’

Her jaw dropped and she stared at him for several seconds before she whispered, ‘You do want to call the wedding off?’

Without hesitation, he nodded. ‘Yes, I do. I’m sorry, Cait, I really am.’

She gazed at him a while longer before she gave a knowing laugh, patted him affectionately on the arm and told him, ‘Oh, sweetheart, you’re just suffering from wedding nerves, that’s all. All grooms suffer from them.’

She turned away from him and made to head for the door but he grabbed her arm. When she was facing him again, he said to her, ‘I’m not suffering from wedding nerves, Cait. I . . . I . . . well, there’s no easy way of putting this, but the truth is that I don’t want to marry you. I can’t see a happy future for me with you, Cait, it’s as simple as that.’

It was evident that this announcement had stunned her rigid. She stared open-mouthed at him again before she blustered, ‘Then why did you ask me to spend the rest of my life with you?’

He sighed heavily, raking one hand through his hair. ‘I didn’t ask you to, Cait.’

She looked stupefied. ‘Yes, you did. In the Chinese restaurant that Saturday night.’

He shook his head. ‘No, I didn’t. On the table near us a man proposed to his girlfriend, which we couldn’t help but overhear, and you said that you’d like to get married, which I took to mean one day, so I said that I would too, and have a couple of children, and you assumed from what I’d just said that I was proposing to you . . .’

Her mouth was opening and closing fish-like and she seemed dazed. ‘So . . . so why didn’t you put me right about my mistake?’

Neil was feeling mortally uncomfortable with the way this was going but knew he owed it to himself not to get cold feet now. ‘You never gave me the chance to. Next thing I knew you’d got the waiter to fetch a bottle of sparkling wine and were arranging for us to visit jewellery shops to buy an engagement ring – and you wouldn’t allow me a word in edgeways. It was like a roller-coaster after that. Everyone knew and the wedding was being planned and I didn’t know how to stop it!’

‘Well, we were in love. I didn’t see any point in waiting.’

He sighed heavily, hanging his head. He hadn’t the heart to hurt Cait further by telling her exactly how he felt about her. How claustrophobic it made him feel, the way she clung to him like a limpet whenever they were out together, as though afraid that if she let go of him he’d run off and leave her. He disliked the way she always thought she knew what he wanted better than he did; the way she strove constantly to please him, from the clothes she wore to the way she acted; how she hung on his every word. No matter how much affection he showed her, it never seemed to be enough for her and she constantly demanded more.

When they had first met, he’d enjoyed having a girlfriend who didn’t hide the fact she thought him god-like; clung to him as if afraid to let him go; decided what they would do whenever they went out so as to save him the headache. Despite his friends ribbing him that he was under her thumb, Neil felt he’d died and gone to heaven. But then, after her misinterpretation of the scene in the Chinese restaurant, Cait had not given him a chance to put her straight. He’d been swiftly introduced to her parents and with horror saw his own future yawn before him, a pale shadow of a man with a suffocating wife.

After being introduced to her parents, witnessing for himself how her mother doted on her father, pandered to his every whim, made decisions for him without consulting him as if he had no mind of his own, Neil could understand why Cait believed that was how marriage was conducted. And it had shocked him to witness the way her parents, her mother in particular, treated their daughter – with such indifference, coldness even. It was no wonder that she looked to him to supply all her emotional support as clearly she received none at home. But a marriage like that was not for him. He wanted one like his parents shared. Open and loving, each respecting the fact that the other had a mind of their own.

He’d lost count of the number of times he’d tried to tell Cait how he felt and end their relationship, but each time he managed to find an opportunity his courage failed him. Neil was a thoughtful young man and knew how hurt she’d be. But if he did not come clean with her now he might never be able to summon the courage again, and then he’d be stuck for life in a marriage that would be miserable for him.

Neil took a deep breath, lifted his head and looked her in the eye. His voice had a note of finality in it. ‘Please accept the fact that I don’t want to marry you, Cait. You’ll meet someone else who’ll love having the kind of wife you’ll make him, but what you’re offering is not for me.’ Having finally said his piece and well aware of the upset his announcement was causing, he felt a sudden desperate need to put some distance between them. He shouldered the door open and left her alone in the Vestry.

Her face ashen, Cait stared after him in horror. Her mind was unable to accept what had just transpired. Neil hadn’t ended their relationship, he couldn’t have. This was some sort of macabre joke . . . she was having a nightmare and would soon wake up. Apart from the fact that she loved him so very much, it was imperative that she should be married before her eighteenth birthday only a few weeks away or the consequences would be unbearable. And with that thought fear flooded her, so acute that she started to shake and her thoughts began to whirl. Neil’s words had been so final. She had worked so tirelessly hard since the moment she had met him and realised he was the one to make herself indispensable to . . . she had tried to become his perfect woman. But obviously she had failed. If she could find out in what way then maybe she could make amends. Surely their relationship was salvageable . . . there was still a chance that the wedding would go ahead. With hope rising in her, she made to chase after him but then wondered if it would be prudent to let him cool down for a while before she made any attempt at a reconciliation

She jumped as the door opened and her chief bridesmaid, Gina, came in. Cait had never been so glad to see her friend in all her life. Gina would advise her on how to handle this situation.

‘Oh, Gina, I so desperately need your . . .’

But before she could say another word, Gina blurted out, ‘Neil has just told us all that the wedding’s cancelled, Cait. He went off without explaining why. Couldn’t seem to get out of the church quick enough.’

Gina looked really upset, which Cait assumed was because she was concerned for her.

‘I hope I can still salvage the situation . . . it’s just nerves. I’m not sure of the right way to go about it, though, and I’d like your advice on whether I . . .’

Her face sulky, Gina cut in, ‘Oh! This means I won’t get to wear that lovely dress now, will I? I was hoping that Raymond might propose to me when he saw you two getting hitched. Anyway, I’d best tell the others there’s no point in hanging around here any longer. If we hurry, we can still get in at the skiffle club. See you tomorrow at work then.’

With that she spun on her heel and departed, leaving Cait staring after her.

For the second time in less than half an hour she had trouble accepting what had just happened. Gina was supposed to be her friend, to come to her aid when she was needed, but all she seemed to care about was that she wouldn’t get to wear her bridesmaid’s dress. And what struck Cait now was the fact that her friend hadn’t seemed a bit surprised that Neil had called off the wedding.

There had been far too many times in the past when Cait had felt alone in the world, but never more so than she did now. The tears came then, fast and furious, and she wept unashamedly, feeling utterly bereft. Then, after several minutes of miserable crying, a thought struck her. Wiping her face on the sleeve of her cardigan, she pondered on it. Despite his adamant denial, was Neil only suffering from pre-wedding nerves as she had assumed? Had he come to regret his impulsive actions already? Was he maybe waiting for her outside the church, or outside her house, to beg her to forgive him and put matters right with her? How she hoped . . . prayed . . . that he was.

Pulling herself together, she made her way back into the church, stunned to find that none of their friends or members of Neil’s family were waiting for her. Like Gina, it seemed, they felt no concern for how she might be feeling and saw no need to offer any support, save for the vicar who was waiting for her down by the door, ready to lock up after she had left.

She fought to find something to say to cover the acute humiliation and embarrassment of Neil’s jilting of her. But when she drew level with him, she had no words at all.

He smiled sympathetically at her and said, ‘In my experience, most weddings have a slight hitch or two before the big day. I’m sure you’ll sort your differences out.’

So was Cait, but ‘slight hitch’ was hardly how she would describe the situation between Neil and her – it was more a cataclysmic event, but she appreciated that the vicar was doing his best to make her feel better. Unfortunately, he hadn’t succeeded.

Smiling wanly at him, she went outside. Any hope she’d had that Neil would be waiting there for her was dashed. All she could hope now was that he would call at her house, and with that in mind she hurried off home.