Chapter 10
~ Hayley ~
The swimming pool area is quiet when I walk in. I’m fifteen minutes early, so I put my bag down on the stands and take out my camera.
“Hayley? What are you doing here?”
The rich voice I’ve come to recognize travels over me like honey, surprising me. I spin around, nearly losing my balance and find Cameron standing there. He’s wearing those Jammer things that swimmers love and nothing else. His chest is bare and I struggle to tear my gaze away from the beautiful ink. His swimming cap and goggles hang from his fingers. I force my head up and our eyes crash. He looks genuinely surprised to see me, not that I had any reason to let him know I would be here in the first place. I’d spent most of my weekend dreading this, mulling over what it would be like to see him after our last interaction. It never ended well. I always wound up fantasizing about him and what it would feel like if he grabbed me and pressed my up against the wall.
I shake my head, feeling my cheeks warm up, and look away. I continue getting my camera ready as I reply, “I’m here for an extra credit assignment. I made the arrangements with Coach Andrews yesterday and he said I could take some pictures and talk to some of the team members this morning during practice.”
I feel Cameron’s eyes burning the back of my head but not once do I give in and look at him. I’m scared of what I’ll see f I do. Instead, I spend more time than necessary messing around with the sports settings on my camera.
“Listen, Hayley, now that you’re here, I need to apologize,” he says. His voice is soft, and gentle and I hate it. I hate that when I needed it to be comforting it wasn’t, and instead of giving me kind, understanding words, he told me I was a waste of time. This time I look at him, hoping with all my might that he sees’s the resolve in my eyes.
“Don’t worry about it, I’ve already forgotten about it.”
His eyes sadden. Good. He’d better be feeling what I felt when he walked away from me.
“You look tired,” he remarks. “And skinnier.”
“Yeah, it happens when you spend a week in the hospital without eating much,” I bite back.
“You spent a week in the hospital?” he asks. My fists clench and I have to resist my desire to slap the look of sympathy and concern right off his beautiful face. I don’t need him to care anymore. It’s too late for him to care.
“Yes, my daughter needed me.”
Cameron looks away, rubbing the back of his neck. “Is she alright?” he asks quietly. “Your daughter.”
My anger flares and I struggle to reign in the warring emotions being here with him has evoked.
“Don’t do that, Cam,” I state firmly. “Just don’t.”
I start walking away from him, although I have no clue where I’m going. I just need to get away from him and the pull I feel when we’re in the same room. His hand curls around my bicep and his fingers press into my skin as he pulls me around to face him.
“Don’t do what, Hayley?” he asks. His eyes bore into mine and it makes me uncomfortable.
“Don’t pretend you care just for my benefit. I know our friendship was just an act to get me into your bed, so there’s no need to act like it was more than that.”
Cameron’s hand tightens and he glowers at me. He takes a step closer, leaning into me and lowering his face until our noses are almost touching. I do the stupid thing and breathe him in, his sexy, masculine scent mixing with the smell of chlorine. He’s too close and he smells too good. It’s nearly too much.
“You think I’m pretending?” he grinds through his teeth.
“Aren’t you?” I throw back.
Silence.
Cameron’s gaze remains hard and it’s a full minute before he responds. “Maybe it started that way,” he concedes. “But it changed. I started to care about you more than I wanted to.”
That definitely doesn’t make me feel any better. I snort. “Oh sure, that’s why you said you would have never asked me out if you had known that I had a little girl. Is that supposed to convince me you care?”
“I was caught off guard, okay?” His voice grows louder, frustrated. “Is that what you want to hear? That I freaked the f*ck out when I found out you have a kid? Because f*ck, Hayley, that’s not something you should’ve kept from me!”
We are going around in circles. Neither of us ready to relent. Not to each other and not to the inexplicable chemistry between us. Even now, with anger pulsing through me, I feel it. I feel him.
“I was protecting my daughter, Cameron! What was I supposed to do? I knew you would run once you found out, but I wanted one night where I could be a teenager, and not a mother!” I half-shout. I don’t expect him to understand, no one does.
“It doesn’t matter now,” I add. “You made your choice and I’m fine with it. You can go back to doing whatever it is you did before you met me.”
Before Cameron can say anything else, the rest of the team files in and starts getting ready for practice. My chest deflates, a mishmash of relief and contrition leaving the spaces between my ribs.
I catch up with Coach Andrews and thank him for allowing me to sit in on their practice before getting to work. I walk along the poolside as the guys dive in one after the other, swimming length after length, stroke after stroke. I try my best to focus on my assignment, but when Cameron dives in, and I watch the way his body glides effortlessly through the ripping water, I have a difficult time concentrating. I zoom in, bringing his movements closer to me, and follow his smooth progression. His muscles tense and then release, each transition as effortless as the one before. It’s mesmerizing, watching him this way, in his element. It’s like watching a wild animal move in its natural environment, the way it blends in with its surroundings and poises itself as if getting ready to strike its prey. With grace and precision, speed and power. I realize then that Cameron is all of those things, wrapped up in a sexy-as-sin, frustrates-the-bejesus-out-of-me package.
After checking to see that I have enough pictures, I make my way towards the stands where some of the guys are catching their breaths. Noah intercepts me, halting my footsteps. He can be a total douchebag, but for some reason Noah and I started getting along, and I found I like him. I didn’t have much choice when it comes to hanging out with him, being that he is Hannah’s brother, but I didn’t mind it. Before last week I found myself becoming good friends with him and now I’m not sure if it will be awkward, after what happened between Cameron and me.
“Hey Noah,” I greet politely. I smile up at him.
“Hey Hayls. How’s Arianna?”
My eyes widen in surprise and he chuckles. “Hannah told me,” he replies. “You should’ve told us about her sooner, I think it’s cool.”
“You think it’s cool that I have a kid?” I ask incredulously.
“I think it’s cool that you stuck around and took responsibility for her.”
I look at Noah in shock, I think. That is the last thing I expected to hear from someone like him. But then again, I’m starting to see that not everyone will judge me like I expected them to.
“You should bring her to the house the next time we have a barbecue,” Noah adds, surprising me even further. “My parents love kids and it would be cool to meet the little princess.”
“I’d like that,” I reply sincerely.
Coach Andrews calls him and after saying a brief “See you later”, he’s gone. I decide to start talking to someone else and approach a guy sitting on the stands. It’s nearing the end of the team's practice so I take a seat next to him after introducing myself. I think his name is William, but I can’t be sure. He’s tall with broad shoulders and narrow hips, and if I didn’t have a certain tattooed swimmer on my mind, I’d probably find this guy attractive. I ask him a few arbitrary questions, and pretend to be fascinated with his arbitrary answers. I catch a glimpse of Cameron over William’s shoulder, his posture rigid, his jaw ticking. He looks pissed?
“So what’s this for anyway?” William asks casually while packing his bag.
I’m forced to look away from Cameron’s heated gaze and back at the boring guy in front of me.
“I’m sorry, what?” I ask. I didn’t hear a word he said. I was too busy trying to decipher the body language of a guy I shouldn’t care about, but do. It’s at that point that I want to kick myself because in the middle of this stupid, meaningless, yet necessary conversation with this plain, ordinary and so-not-my-type guy, I come to realize that I do care about Cameron. I care that he made me dinner, I care that he kissed me like he was starved for my lips, I care that he made me feel wanted. And I care that he no longer wanted me after finding out about Ari. I care a lot.
“I asked what this is all for,” William replies. “The questions I mean.”
“Oh, right. It’s for an assignment, for one of my journalism classes.”
“Cool. So what do I get in return for answering your questions?” William wriggles his eyebrows and I almost gag.
“Nothing,” a deep, rich voice laced with anger bites out.
William and I whip our heads up to see Cameron standing next to us. How the hell did he get here so quickly?
“What’s it to you, Argent?” William asks. I don’t miss the contempt in his voice, or the sneer on his face.
“Baker, I suggest you leave,” Cameron grinds through his teeth.
William stands, but doesn’t quite match Cameron in height or bulk. In fact, he looks scrawny in comparison.
“She another one of your bed fellows?”
I cringe at William's insinuation and stand to leave. I think I’ve heard just about enough of this conversation and there’s no reason to stick around for what’s obviously going to be a fight.
“No,” Cameron snaps back. “She’s just too good for the likes of someone like you.”
I turn back and look at Cameron, stunned. Did he just say that?
“Well I’ll be damned,” William quips. “I never thought I’d see the day that Cameron Argent is jealous.”
I hold my breath in anticipation of Cameron’s response, waiting for him to deny it.
He doesn’t. He just continues to stare at William with anger swirling in the depths of his eyes. They’re bright after being set alight by William’s taunting and as the heavy silence stretches between them, they seem to be having a silent conversation, their bodies doing all the talking.
Surprisingly, William's hands lift in defeat. “All right, Argent,” he recedes, taking a few steps back and away from Cameron. He grabs his bag and just like that Cameron and I are alone. When did everyone leave? I wonder. I didn’t even notice until now.
I sidestep Cameron, feeling the sudden need to get away, but he’s too quick for me. He stands in front of me, towering over my leaner frame.
“I can’t,” he says.
I wait for him to carry on, and when he doesn’t I frown in confusion. Does he expect me to read his mind? Because that’s worse than trying to get a dog to meow.
“You can’t what?” I ask. The irritation in my voice seeps through and I hope Cameron catches it. The only riddles I have time for are the ones involved in playing ‘I Spy’, not this silly little thing Cameron and I seem to have going on.
His eyes soften, just a tiny bit, but it’s enough to make my chagrin dissipate. “I can’t go back to how it was before.”
“Why not?” I ask. “It’s obviously the better option for us.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” he swallows hard, steeling himself for whatever it is he needs to say. I see the emotions in his eyes, on his face, battling it out. Whatever he’s about to say is clearly something he doesn’t want to say. “I met you, and I can’t pretend that I never did. That would be like wishing you didn’t exist, and whether it’s just as friends or something more, I want you in my life.”
I suck in a breath. What did he just admit? I want him to clarify but I won’t ask him to.
“Can we be friends?” I ask quietly. “Is it possible?”
He knows I’m not only referring to the intense attraction between us. I’m silently asking him about the very reason he decided we couldn’t be more than friends.
“If you’re wondering whether or not it still matters that you have a daughter, the answer is no, it doesn’t.”
This is what I wanted, isn’t it? For Cameron to still be in my life, even if just as friends? Only, I thought it would feel better than this and as much as I want to deny it, I’m disappointed that ‘friends’ is our only option. Because really, I want more. And I can see that he does, too, but like me, he’s fighting it. We both know this won’t work, but we’re deluded enough to think it can.
We stare at each other for a while, not saying anything, thinking about what we’re about to attempt. Cameron brings his hand up to my face and cradles it, his thumb stroking my cheek. Our breathing changes and the air thickens as we stand surrounded by everything we feel but don’t surrender to, and everything we should say but don’t. The energy humming between us is starting to suffocate me, and even if I want more, and I want so much more from him than I will ever admit, I do the only thing I can. Because not having him, in any way at all, is simply not a risk I’m willing to take.
So I break. I give in. I relent.
“Okay, Cameron,” I sigh, my words heavy as they leave my mouth.
“Okay, what?”
“Okay we can be friends.”
The intensity of his stare sears me. “Is that what you want?”
No! I want more. I want all of it. I want all of you. And I want you to want me, and my daughter! I yell, only he can’t hear me because it’s in my head.
“We have to try,” I whisper.
Cameron’s hand lingers a moment longer, a moment I wish would last forever, and then it drops to his side. “Okay. Friends.”
And then I see it. The look on his face. He wants more, too, and I can tell that it scares him. It scares me, too.
“Will I see you later?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” I reply honestly. “I have to go home and check on Ari before my class at eleven.”
He nods, saying, “I’ll walk you to your car.”
We’re about to leave when a tall, leggy blonde comes into the pool area. Her bleached blonde hair swishes with her hips as they sway, a little to vigorously if you ask me, from side to side.
“There you are,” she chimes, locking her gaze onto Cameron. I bristle, and then rebuke myself. I don’t know who this girl is and I shouldn’t care.
“Rachel, what do you want?” Cameron asks with annoyance.
“I came to see if you wanted to grab coffee,” she replies, coming to stand at Cameron’s side. She looks between the two of us.
“Not right now, I have to go shower,” Cameron lies.
Rachel grins and I can almost hear her purring. “Even better.”
Cameron rolls his eyes and then looks at me somewhat apologetic.
“Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?” Rachel asks me. I take a good look at her, something about her face and blonde locks seem familiar. When it doesn’t ring a bell, I shrug. “No, I don’t think so.”
Feeling uncomfortable, I look back to Cameron. “I’m going to get going, but maybe I’ll see you later.”
“Okay, I’ll see you later, Hayley.”
I scurry out of there, unable to leave fast enough. Something about that girl felt off, and it had nothing to do with how she was touching Cameron. Although, that bothered me too.
“Friends,” I mutter to myself as I climb into my car. “We’re just friends.”