Chapter 23
Brody
“I need to have a serious talk with you before Jimbo gets here,” Alyssa says as she chops up lettuce for a salad.
I raise an eyebrow at her as I sit on the other side of her kitchen island, watching her work. I’m manning the grill, entrusted with cooking the steaks, so there’s nothing for me to do until then.
I’m due for a visit from Jimbo and, on a spur of the moment whim, I invited him to dinner to meet Alyssa on Sunday night. Alyssa insisted we do it at her house, since I had sort of unofficially moved in. I now had several items of clothing here that she washed this weekend and then put into an empty drawer she cleaned out. My toothbrush, toothpaste, and shaving gear have been sitting on her bathroom counter for over a week. While I’m not vain enough to think this is permanent, I sure as hell have no intention of leaving unless she asks me to. Jimbo has been preaching at me to reach for things I want, things I think I deserve, and Alyssa is one such thing.
“Okay… what’s the serious talk?” I ask, not having one moment of unease over her proclamation. Things have been good… I mean, really, really good since our little blow up over those pictures of Senator Hutchens a few days ago.
I was angry… yes. But I was also warmed by her effort. She was just not thinking rationally. Once she stopped crying and I was able to kiss her properly, we moved on and were as strong as ever.
“So… you know that I want to expand The Haven. I’d love to add another kennel, take on more horses, and add an aviary so we can help nurse some of the wild birds.”
“Yup,” I tell her, reaching across to steal a piece of carrot she had chopped earlier and popping it in my mouth. “It’s a great plan, and you should do it.”
“I’ll need to actually hire help, if I do. I’ll probably need a full-time manager, maybe even another full-time employee to help with the manual labor. I’ll be doing more work soliciting donations and arranging intake and adoption of animals.”
“Yeah, you’re definitely going to need to break down and do that,” I tell her as I reach for another carrot.
“I’m glad you think so,” she says with a soft smile, never taking her eyes off the lettuce. “Because I’d like to officially offer you the job as operations manager for The Haven.”
My eyes snap to hers, carrot poised halfway to my mouth. “What?”
She shrugs her shoulders as if it’s not a big deal what she’s offering. “It’s a no brainer, really. You’re great with the animals, you know pretty much how to run it in my absence, and I trust you… I know you would care for it the way I do.”
I swallow hard past the lump that’s forming in my throat. Her last words… she trusts me to care for it the way she does, almost knocks me over. It makes my chest squeeze and release, squeeze and release. It’s the first measure of true validation I’ve had since coming out of prison. It’s the first time someone has given me a bit of self-worth.
“I figure,” she continues, still chopping the lettuce, “that I should make this offer to you before Jimbo walks through that door. I mean… he’s constantly pushing you forward. I figured… if you accept this, you’d really bowl him over with your progress. You’d really show him that you’re as amazing as I know you to be.”
I put the carrot down and stand up. As I walk to her, she holds my gaze and sets the knife down. When I round the kitchen counter and come to stand before her, her eyes flicker with a warmth that sears straight to my soul.
Putting my hands on her cheeks, I ask, because I still have some self-doubt, “You’re not offering this because—”
“Because you f*ck me real good?” she supplies with a grin.
“I wasn’t going to say it that way, but it’s the same thing. Because we’re in a relationship.”
“Yes,” she tells me, which utterly surprises me. “Yes, I’m offering this to you because we’re in a relationship. But it’s because we’re in a relationship that I know you’d care for The Haven. It’s also because of our relationship and the secret I hold for you, that I trust you to do right by it. There isn’t anyone more qualified in my opinion.”
I lean in and run my lips over hers. The doorbell rings, and I know it’s Jimbo. Pulling back, I give her a quick kiss on her nose. “Then I accept.”
Releasing my hold on Alyssa, I head to the door to let Jimbo in.
“Really?” she asks with surprise.
“Yeah, why?” I ask just as I put my hand on the front doorknob.
“I just thought you’d need more convincing,” she laughs.
“I know a good thing when I see it,” I tell her, pinning her with a direct stare that has a wealth of meaning. She knows I’m not just talking about the job she just offered me, because her smile she gives me is tender and her eyes caress over me softly.
I’m so going to get lucky tonight, I chuckle to myself.
Opening the door, I give Jimbo a smile and stick my hand out. He shakes it with a bone-crushing grip and says, “Holy hell. Check out that new hairdo. And your cheeks! Smooth as a baby’s butt.”
Rolling my eyes, I step back from the door. “Come on in.”
Jimbo casually looks around as he enters the living room, and I’m sure he was thinking the same thing I was when I first saw Alyssa’s house. Lots and lots of money. But I’ve told Jimbo about Alyssa… about the real Alyssa I’ve come to know, so I know he’s looking around in nothing more than a passing interest.
Coming out from behind the kitchen island, Alyssa walks up to Jimbo to shake his hand. His glowing eyes appraise her quickly, and I wonder what he thinks of her just from first appearances. I certainly know what I thought at first is nothing what I think now. I’m just glad I was smart enough to get my head out of my ass, because the thought that I could have missed this opportunity to know Alyssa makes my stomach twist.
The thought of me not knowing her is excruciatingly painful.
“So glad you could join us for dinner,” Alyssa says with a welcoming handshake. “What can I get you to drink?”
“I’ll take a beer if you got one,” Jimbo says.
“A beer?” I say with mock astonishment.
“I’m technically off duty,” he clarifies.
We walk into the kitchen, and Alyssa hands Jimbo a beer and me the platter of steaks. “Get going, grill master. I’ll just finish up in here while you two talk.”
“Sure thing,” I say, leaning over to kiss her neck. It’s a brief kiss, nothing more than a message that I’ll miss her, but she shivers in response.
I f*cking dig that so much.
Jimbo follows me out to the back deck and I fire the grill up, setting the platter of steaks on the table beside it.
Looking out over the ocean, Jimbo takes a sip of his beer. I follow his gaze, doing nothing more than being comforted by the crash of waves and smell of salt in the air.
“How are things going?” he asks me after a few moments.
“Let me warn you… if you really want that answer, you won’t be getting my little two-second response.”
Jimbo laughs. “That good, huh?”
“It’s the best,” I tell him, meaning that from the depths of my soul.
“I’m assuming that girl in there has everything to do with the smile on your face?”
“Pretty much.”
“Have you told her that?” he muses, taking another long pull on his beer and pinning me with those freaky orbs.
“Not the way she deserves to hear it,” I admit, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot.
“Don’t wait, dude. Our moments are fleeting, and we never know just how long we’ll have them.”
“Agreed.”
“So what else is new?”
“Alyssa offered me a full-time job at The Haven as its Operations Manager. She’s wanted to expand the facility, and she can’t do it herself.”
“And you said?”
“I said yes. I’d be a fool not to. You and I both know that bartending is not a job I really aspired to do.”
Jimbo points his finger at me while holding his beer bottle. “You’re a strange man, you know that right?”
“How so?” I ask, neither offended nor surprised by his comment.
“It’s just… if you were someone I knew outside of these circumstances, I just can’t peg you as someone that did time in prison. In my experience, most people that go to jail for a crime are destined to be there.”
I don’t know why I do the things I do sometimes, probably more curiosity than anything, but I ask, “What would you say if I told you I didn’t do it?”
Jimbo smirks at me. “Then I’d say you were just like every other parolee on my schedule.”
I give him a knowing smile and check the temperature on the grill. It’s hot enough, so I open the top and run the grill brush over the grates to makes sure they’re clean.
“So, did you?” Jimbo asks. “Did you do it?”
I don’t turn around to look at him but say quietly, “No, I didn’t.”
He’s silent, digesting what I said. He’s heard it a million times before, but I bet he’s never heard it quite like this.
I feel Jimbo’s hand on my arm, and I turn to look at him. His eyes are filled with fear, because I think… for the first time… Jimbo knows he may have met the one guy that could truly be innocent, and that might be too much for him to handle.
“Seriously, Brody. Did you?”
I stare at him, and the concern and pity in his eyes shakes me back to reality. Why would I even play with his feelings this way? To maybe test out the waters… see what others may think if they knew the truth? Can I handle the pity that would come my way? And am I ready to deal with the aftermath of opening old wounds and having the fact that I’m a dumbass of epic proportions haunt me?
Smiling at Jimbo, but not quite meeting his eyes, I say, “Nah, man. Just messing with you. That accident is all on me.”
I pull the cellophane off the steaks and throw the first one on the grill. Jimbo doesn’t say anything at first, and I’m sure he’s a bit pissed I’d even go there.
But then he shocks me. “You know… you’re always very careful with your words. You say that ‘accident was on me,’ but you don’t admit to driving the car.”
I throw the next steak down, listening to the hiss and sizzle permeate the air. Putting the last one on, I close the grill top. Looking at Jimbo, I can see skepticism and confusion deep in his eyes and I regret putting it there.
Clapping him on the shoulder, I lie to his face to put his mind at ease. “I was driving the car. I did it, and I paid the price. That’s all, Jimbo. That’s all there is.”
He tips his head to me, acknowledging my words as truth when they are the biggest of lies. I let him believe it, and I turn to stare out at the ocean.
“You’re a good man, Brody. I know that much is true,” Jimbo says.
Alyssa opens up the sliding glass door and steps out on the deck. She has a glass of wine in one hand and a bottle of water for me in the other. Her smile is for me, and it chases away the gloom of my conversation with Jimbo.
It doesn’t matter if I did it or not. Doesn’t matter if I spent time in prison. I’m appreciating the fact that my here and now is more than I ever dreamed for myself.
***
“Brody, wake up.”
My head is fuzzy and I’m aware that Alyssa has her hand on my shoulder, shaking me.
I immediately bolt upright, seeing that the clock says it’s a little after one in the morning. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she assures me, sitting up in bed. The moonlight coming through the windows glows pale blue on her skin. “I want to sleep outside.”
“What?” I ask groggily as I scrub my hands over my face. I was dead asleep when she woke me up, and my brain isn’t processing fully.
“I want to go sleep outside. On the deck.”
“Why?” I ask, because this just doesn’t make sense.
“Because it’s fun, I’m wide awake, and I want to lay under the stars with you.”
Yeah, I’m still befuddled but those words penetrate. Grabbing her behind the head, I pull her to me and kiss her softly. “Okay. Let’s go lay under the stars.”
We make four trips out to her back deck, pulling every blanket and comforter off every bed and out of every linen closet we can find in her house to make a downy sleeping surface for us. It’s warm, balmy, and the ocean breeze feels fantastic.
There’s nothing to illuminate the night around us other than the moon, which is only at a quarter full. The stars are hanging low and Alyssa and I lay on our backs, side by side, and stare at them. She moves her hand slightly, twining her fingers through mine.
“Have you ever wished on a shooting star?” she asks.
“Never seen one,” I tell her. “You?”
“Never seen one either. You know, Casey, Gabby, and I would do this… sleep out on the deck. But we were always more interested in gossiping or telling stories. We never took the time to look at the stars.”
“I’m glad you’re taking the time with me now. This will be our thing.”
“I like that… our thing,” she repeats, and I can hear the smile in her voice even though I can’t see it. My eyes search the heavens for some sign of a star streaking across the night sky, but even if I don’t see one, this will go down as one of my favorite things I’ve done with Alyssa.
“Brody?”
“What’s up?”
“If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?”
It’s a deep question with a million possible answers. Some are more obvious than others are. But one stands out as being the best.
Rolling to my side, I prop myself up on my elbow so I can look at her. The glow from the moon is enough that I can see her features clearly, and I marvel how she makes me lose my breath just from the beauty of her face.
“If I could change one thing about my life?”
Nodding at me, she turns on her side so we’re facing. She tucks her arm up under her head, lays her head on it, and waits for my answer.
“If I could change one thing, I’d wish that I had kissed you long ago. Maybe snuck one in when you were seventeen and innocent.”
Her eyebrows spring upward in surprise. I know that’s not what she was expecting me to say. I know she was expecting me to say I wished I had not said I was driving the car that night.
But I’ve learned to dream bigger than that.
“Yes. I wish I’d kissed you when you were seventeen,” I tell her as I lie back down on my back, and pull her into my arms. I position her so her head is laying on my chest and her legs are twined with mine… it’s become my favorite position. “Because if I would have kissed you back then… I would have been done. It would have only been you. I never would have met Stacy, and I never would have been in that accident. It would have only been you. I know this… after one kiss, and my life would not have been as painful. It would have been amazing.”
Alyssa sucks in a breath and it’s quavering, so I know she’s swimming in emotion. “Yeah… but we could have been in that car accident together. Fate still could have made that happen.”
I lean my head down and kiss the top of her head. “True,” I tell her. “But the difference is you would have never asked me to take the fall for you. You never would have sacrificed me.”
She gives a nervous laugh. “You make me sound like a saint. That is so not me.”
“It is,” I tell her with conviction. “You’re about as close as one can get in my book.”
“You’re blinded by lust or something,” she jokes, and I can tell this is her way to deflect the focus off her.
“Or something,” I agree, and I leave it at that.
We’re both quiet as we lay there, my eyes trained on the night sky while Alyssa’s body lies securely in my arms. I continue to search for a shooting star, but I never see one.
Doesn’t matter… I have no need of wishes.