The TSA agent talked Jazz through exactly what he was about to do and where he would be touching him. When he asked, “Do you have anything in your pockets?” Jazz said, “Just a Kleenex,” and then proceeded to produce it and blow his nose noisily into it. He left it open just long enough for the TSA agent to see the disgusting yellowish shampoo goop before folding it up.
“Just, uh, hold on to that,” the agent said, and proceeded to give Jazz the quickest, most perfunctory pat-down in the history of pat-downs. Jazz noted three spots on his body where he could have easily concealed some sort of contraband.
By the time he rejoined Hughes, the cop was shaking his head in amusement. “You are Homeland Security’s worst nightmare,” he said as they made their way to their gate.
“You could have intervened.”
“Yeah, but I know you’re harmless.”
Jazz shrugged. “You know how you said before that you have a black girlfriend, too? That was a lie. You don’t. And you never dated an ADA, either. You’re just trying to keep me out of your head because you know where I come from. You know just enough to know that I’m anything but harmless. So you make jokes and you drop in what seems like personal stuff to keep me off guard.” Jazz grinned the grin he used when he wanted to put people at ease. “You’re pretty good at it. But I’m better.”
Hughes gaped at him.
Jazz let the grin linger for another moment, then said, “I’m gonna hit the bathroom before we board,” leaving Hughes alone with his thoughts.
Later, in the cramped space of the plane, he surprised himself by falling asleep almost immediately. He didn’t even wake up when the plane took off.
He dreamed.
Touch me
says the voice
again
His fingers
Oh, the flesh
So warm
So smooth
Touch me like that
His skin on hers.
Hers.
He knows her flesh.
like that
So warm
like that
it’s all right
it’s not all right
it’s right
no, it’s wrong
but the wrong makes it right
and the right makes it wrong
and
Jazz woke up as the plane landed and groggily grabbed his bag from the overhead. They had an hour-long layover before their next flight; Hughes tried to strike up a conversation, but Jazz withdrew. He was off-kilter, slightly airsick, and definitely dreamsick.
Who was it in his dream? What was he doing? Why did this dream keep recurring? He actually preferred the old dream, the one where he’d cut someone, maybe even killed someone. At least it was familiar. He had become accustomed to its specific nauseating qualities. The new dream kept knocking him down every time he tried to get up.
What did it mean? What was lurking back there in the cold, dark recesses of his memory? What secrets were hidden in his past? Jazz felt as though his own life was a minefield, one he’d lost the map for. One wrong step and he’d lose a foot or a leg.
Or his mind.
When Jazz awoke from the cutting dream, he felt confused. Guilty. A bit sick. When he woke from the sex dream, though, he felt a tiny bit of guilt, sure. But otherwise just… aroused. And he hated himself for it. Other guys his age could have dreams like that, sure. That was okay for them. But not for Jazz.
Because… This is how it starts, he thought. Dreams. Fantasies. Seems harmless at first. But then the dreams and the fantasies aren’t enough. And the next thing you know, you’re Jeffrey Dahmer, drilling holes in the heads of corpses in an attempt to make sex zombies, and the crazy thing isn’t that you’re drilling the heads to make sex zombies—the crazy thing is that doing so seems completely and utterly normal and necessary.
“You’re awful quiet,” Hughes said, edging back into conversation after they’d not spoken for hours. Jazz respected that the detective could recover from being busted before, but he had more important things on his mind. When he didn’t respond, Hughes gave up and left him alone.
They boarded the second plane, and this time Jazz stayed awake, peering out the window, feeling the sudden lurching rush as the plane ramped up and left the ground. It made him slightly dizzy, and it felt like waking up from the dream all over again. He closed his eyes and gripped the armrests and told himself that it would be over soon.
He didn’t mind the landing as much. At first, it seemed almost gentle, but then stabbing pains started in his ears from the change in air pressure and the plane touched down, the cabin roaring with the sudden speed. The violence of it was almost soothing. Distracting.
They gathered up their bags again and emerged into the terminal at JFK. As soon as they walked through security, Jazz froze, unable to believe his eyes.
“What?” Hughes asked. “What’s wrong?”
Grinning, Connie said to them, “What took you guys so long?”
Part Three
5 Players, 3 Sides
CHAPTER 9
The killer sat quietly in his apartment. The walls were thin. Through them, he could hear two different television programs. One, from the sound of it, was some sort of singing competition. The other could have been a movie or a cartoon of some sort—high-pitched zinging noises that were either laser beams or the zip of something moving fast.
Children, in either case.
The killer shuddered.
On the table in front of the killer, there were four cell phones. Cheap. Disposable. The killer did not know which one would ring, so he kept them all charged. They had come to him along with several others in a box delivered from somewhere upstate, with instructions to keep them charged and turned on at all times. “Upstate,” to the killer, might as well be the moon.
New York City was home.
New York City was safe.
New York City was the hunting preserve.
One of the phones rang. Third from the left. The killer let it ring two more times, then snatched it up.
“Hello?” The killer wondered, idly, which voice it would be this time.
“Eleven,” came the response. The new voice again. It had been the new voice for a while now.
The killer did not wonder what had happened to the old voice.
“Eleven,” the voice repeated calmly. “Six and five. Eleven.”
The killer’s eyes flicked to the part of the table beyond the phones. His lips moved silently…. Eight… nine… ten… and…
“Eleven,” he said back to the phone. “Eleven.” In a sudden fit of inspiration, he added, “As the crow flies.”
The voice at the other end was gone already, leaving silence in the killer’s ear.
The killer took the battery out of the phone. Then he put the phone on the floor and smashed it to pieces with a hammer.
“Eleven,” he said again. Well. So it would be.
CHAPTER 10
Billy held a cell phone in one hand and a pair of dice in the other. He tucked the dice into his coat pocket, followed by the phone’s battery.
He looked around. At three in the morning in early January, Union Square Park in lower Manhattan was no one’s idea of a comfortable hangout. Still, there were a few junkies doing their nervous dance over in the shadows, waiting for the connection they prayed would come.
Billy didn’t care about the junkies. He made sure he was out of the cone of light thrown by a streetlight and dropped the phone, crushing it under his foot. Stooping, he picked up the pieces and discarded them in a half-dozen different trash cans as he made his way to the NQR subway entrance.
Eleven, he thought. Eleven as the crow flies…
CHAPTER 11