I was lying on the ground, my cheek flush to the dirt. I needed to get up, needed to get farther away, but all I did was lie there. It was the first time I’d left the cave in more days than I could count, living off the small stream that ran through it and whatever bugs I could find. The opening had been so small that a grown man couldn’t have fit into it, and it had saved my life.
“You okay?”
I jerked my head toward the voice. A boy, probably close to my age, seven or so, stood there, looking up at me.
I didn’t know how to answer, so I stared at him instead.
“You hungry? I don’t have much, but I’ll share what I have.”
I nodded. It could be a trap, but there was something about his eyes, an honesty and warmth there that I hadn’t seen in such a long time. I pushed off the ground and climbed down a few steps toward him as he dug around in a sack he had strung around his back.
He held out a handful of berries. I didn’t recognize them, but I ate them anyway.
“When was the last time you ate?”
“I ate a couple of bugs a few hours ago.”
He nodded, seeming much older as he said, “Yeah, I’ve been there.” He held out his hand to me. “I’m Ruck. What’s your name?”
I opened my mouth and stalled. I didn’t want to lie, but I didn’t know if the slavers were looking for me, either.
“It’s okay. I’ll call you Bugs.”
Bugs. It worked. I shook his hand.
“I’m starting up a crew and could use some more people. You look like a good sort. Any interest?”
I looked around, debating my options, and realized I had no idea what else to do. “Okay.”
I’d been with Ruck ever since, and he’d turned out to be an even better person than I’d imagined. I knew why he’d blabbed. For some reason, he seemed to think Ryker was a good guy too.
“I’m sorry I can’t share that part of me, but it’s one of those things I don’t want to talk to anyone about,” I said. “I want it left dead, in the past.” Ruck had stopped asking me about what my life had been like years ago. He had enough of his own bad memories to understand that some stuff was better off unsaid.
“I get it.” Ruck reached down and scooped up more water into his hands, as if he were trying to figure out what else to do with himself. “He had your back, though.”
Ryker had protected his interests. Arguing was useless, though, and I was finally realizing that. It was easier to tease Ruck and fall into old habits. “He’s converted you. You’ve sold your soul for morning biscuits.”
“They serve them at lunch and dinner, too. They’re mighty tasty biscuits. It’s a fair deal.”
I let a small laugh out. Ruck could always make me smile, even when I was in the muddiest mental pit around.
Ruck glanced over his shoulder as Ryker approached. For once, I hadn’t realized he’d been approaching, and that said something.
So much for getting a moment alone at the stream. Ruck stood, patted me on the shoulder, and walked back to camp.
I flexed my fingers in the water, ignoring the numbness.
“Your skin is going to turn blue if you keep washing them.”
“I had some dirt I couldn’t get off.”
He stood behind me, his magic nearly as chaotic as mine usually was. I’d noticed that the last time someone had died. Death must be his Achilles’ heel, although there hadn’t seemed to be any hesitation when he’d killed the slavers.
I dropped my head, not wanting to look at him, and his magic seemed to flare out. “Can you reel it in a bit?”
His magic pulled back immediately, as if he had complete control and hadn’t noticed the slip.
“You don’t have the slaver’s mark,” he said, his voice calm and almost unnaturally flat.
He’d seen my back, so he knew it wasn’t there. “They thought I’d fetch a better price if I wasn’t scarred.” His magic was shooting around again. “Your magic,” I snapped, not meaning to. I was having a hard enough time today without his magic setting off mine.
He pulled it back again.
I was waiting for the next question, the one people always wondered about when they heard someone was a former slave. Had I been raped? How damaged was I? All the questions that stopped me from telling anyone about my past.
He didn’t ask a thing. He walked a couple of paces down the river, knelt, and took his sweet time rinsing his hands and clothes.
I sat back on my haunches, letting the water flow over my hands, imagining that it could wash away the bad, all the while seeing Ryker out of the corner of my eye. He didn’t talk or even look my way, and he kept his magic reined in.
When I stood, so did he.
“I’m not sure what you want, but I’m not going to spill my guts to you just so you can be entertained. Of all people, not you.”
There was a flicker of hurt and a swell of magic again, but then it was gone.
He squinted. “What’s wrong with me?” he asked, joking, making me doubt what I’d just seen a second before.
“You don’t even like me. Why would I tell you?”
“Who said I didn’t like you?” He shrugged, as if the notion was absurd.
“You’ve called me every bad thing you could think of.”
“I can like you if I want.”
“You can’t. You told me you didn’t, and that’s how you’re keeping it.”
“No. I don’t think so. I’ve changed my mind. I think you might be very likeable.”
Very likeable? He had to make me all confused before I walked into a situation that might kill me.
“I’m a thief, along with a lot of other horrible things, remember?”
He shrugged, shrugged, at the mention of the insult he’d hurled at me over and over again. If he didn’t stop shrugging this all away, I was going to push him into the river.
“I’m still the thief, the horrible person who stole food from the mouths of your people.”
His smile was gone, and not in an I hate you way. He looked like— No, it couldn’t be. If Ryker apologized, it was all over. I’d melt right here on the spot.
“I don’t know what you’re thinking right now, but you better get that out of your mind. We don’t get along, and that’s the way it’s going to be.”
Actually, that sounded like a bald lie, even to me.
He nodded. And I hated that he only nodded because I knew what he was thinking, and it was almost as bad as him saying it.
“Bugs—”
“Shhh. I don’t want to hear anything. We hate each other and that’s it.”
I turned, and he grabbed my arm, stopping me, keeping me stuck beside him. I stared off at the trees lining the river. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he slowly pulled me closer to him when I would’ve kept my arm outstretched.
“I didn’t want to like you and I went out of my way not to. I’m sorry.”
Fuck. Ryker had just apologized, and now I wanted to melt into a blubbering mess. What was wrong with me? I’d be walking around smiling at strangers soon, like the rest of the idiots.
“Let go of me.” I pushed at his chest with my free hand. He didn’t budge at first, and I pushed again, fearing he was going to do something devastating, like kiss me, because that heat was back in his eyes.
This time he loosened his hold.
I started back toward the camp, and he walked beside me.
“Tell me something: did you actually escape the slavers, or did they decide it just wasn’t worth it anymore?” he joked, releasing some of the tension that had been there a second ago.
“If you don’t shut up, I’m going to hit you again.”
“You hit me before? I must’ve missed that.”
I turned and nailed him in the arm.
Chapter 31
No one talked much that night, and that was good with me. There wasn’t much I wanted to say. Ryker was silent as he shifted around the pieces in his head. Burn, Sneak, and Ruck seemed to be afraid of interrupting the silence.