I closed my eyes. It was true. Over the past six months, I had convinced myself that Michael had merely been struggling with his lust for me, but love…it was too scary to even think about. How could someone so pure and just fall in love with me? Didn’t he see the scars? Didn’t he know how bitter and jaded my soul had become?
When I opened my eyes again, Michael had turned around, his handsome face strained as if he were in physical pain when he spoke. “I have no right to love you, Jordan. I want nothing more than to disappear and leave you in peace.”
“Who says I want you to?” I murmured, staring at the floor and rubbing the goosebumps that had appeared on my arms.
“You don’t know what it’s been like since you left. The dreams…God, the dreams…”
Michael stepped towards me, but I held out my hand, stopping him. “The truth is that I don’t know what to do with this information right now, okay? It’s not like He gave you a ultimatum or something—”
“He did.”
My eyes snapped to meet his. “What?”
It was Michael’s turn to look away this time. “He told me…that under normal circumstances, a human and an archangel would never again be allowed to be together. However, because you are a Seer, you aren’t completely human. You’re one of the anointed. Therefore, you could be with me if and only if you agreed to enter the Marriage of the Souls.”
“Marriage of the Souls?”
“We would be bound together for life, both on Earth and in Heaven. But…in exchange for this, we can never…” he faltered.
I touched his cheek, making him meet my gaze like he had so often done to me before.
“Never what?”
His lips just barely moved. “Have children.”
Those two little words sunk into my skin like liquid poison: thick, sickening, and deep. I slumped against the counter, my head pounding as I tried to understand what he’d told me. “That’s some ultimatum.”
He offered me a weak smile. “You can imagine I didn’t get much sleep after He told me.”
“I’ll bet.”
“Jordan, I won’t ask this of you. I came down here to tell you because you deserve to know and to make a decision for yourself. I don’t want this life for you. I don’t want you to have to wait up nights praying that some demon doesn’t get lucky and finally succeed in killing me. If you ask me to leave and never come back, I’ll do it.”
My voice was quiet. “Even though you love me.”
He flinched. “Yes.”
My breath came out in a long sigh. “Michael, you can’t expect me to know what to say to you right now.”
He nodded. “I don’t. I’ll come back tomorrow for your answer. This is an important decision and I want you to truly think about what you want, whether or not it removes me from the picture.”
His head dipped slightly, as if he were bowing, a gesture so formal that it bothered me. His speech, too, was as proper as it was when he’d gotten his memory back. It made me realize that he was speaking as the angel, not the man. The angel who loved me. Me.
I couldn’t find it in myself to say anything as he brushed past me, wrapping my arms around my waist in an attempt to calm myself. The front door clicked shut, leaving me in a deafening silence. Twenty-four hours to make the biggest decision of my life. Where to start?
I wandered into my bedroom and plopped down on the mattress, staring blankly into space as I tried to figure out what to do. His words echoed in my head until I felt dizzy so I finally resolved to do something slightly childish. I grabbed a sheet of notebook paper from the shelf and a pen, folding my legs so that I sat Indian-style on the bed. Time to do what I did in fifth grade when I had a crush and couldn’t decide if I should tell the boy the truth—make a list.
On one side of the paper, I wrote: Reasons Why I Shouldn’t Do It. Not very elegant or insightful, but it was effective enough. I chewed on the pen cap as I started to fill in the reasons.
He gets on my nerves
He’s always right
He’s too damn tall
I paused, scanning the page. Okay, so these were superficial. I was avoiding the real issues, the ones that scared me, the ones that actually made me want to say no to the offer. Slowly, I lifted the pen again.
He’ll live forever and have to watch me grow old and die
I’ll never get to be pregnant
I’ll never get to have an ultrasound
I’ll never have a baby shower
I’ll never get to see my hair and Michael’s eyes on our baby.
I’ll never be alone again
The pen lowered and I stared at the paper, feeling a heavy weight in the center of my chest. Truth be told, I had never really thought about having kids until now. Sure, I liked them, but I always thought that I’d figure it out when I met Mr. Right. Did I want children? Could I handle having children despite my crazy lifestyle? Moreover, would I even want children if Michael wasn’t in the picture?
Now came the even harder part. Moving to the other side of the page, I wrote: Reasons Why I Should Do It. There were only two things under this category.
Because I love him