“Hold her,” Edmund instructed and Cail complied quickly.
I had yet to understand the relationship my subconscious had created between Edmund and Cail. Edmund used him as a puppet, and every time Cail would obey without question. Sometimes his face would be screwed up in maniacal joy at what he was asked to do, and other times I could have sworn he was disgusted by it. It was as if my mind didn’t know what to do with him.
I gasped at the pressure Cail put me under as I turned toward Edmund. Ryland now stood in between us, Edmund’s hand resting lightly on his son’s shoulder. It was the same image that had been burned into my head right before Ilyan flew me away from them.
Edmund smiled at the panic on my face, his joy at seeing my torture evident. I heard Cail laugh in my ear as he prepared for his part in some sort of performance.
“Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Running away were we?” Ryland’s light voice was laced with a venom I had grown used to hearing in these dreams, whether I liked it or not. I began to fight against Cail’s restraint, my hands growing warm against him. It was no use, he ignored the attack and his hold only grew.
“What should I do with her, Father?”
Ryland’s eyes never left mine as he smiled, Edmund’s wicked grin joining his in perfect synchronization.
This was the only part of the dream I couldn’t bat away, the only part I couldn’t blame on my subconscious. I couldn’t ignore it because the pain was real. It never followed me as I woke, but I couldn’t shake all the pain that Ryland caused me. I couldn’t wipe it from my mind.
“Pull her through.”
It was a command I had never heard before and so I cried out in anticipation, not knowing what was to come. I felt Ryland’s hand make contact with my stomach for a moment before the pain hit and the contact changed to something deeper. My stomach burned as his hand began to move through me, pulling my insides apart. I screamed louder.
I was still screaming as the dream faded away and the grey room that had been my prison for the last three months drifted into view. The comforter shifted as Ilyan came to my rescue. He moved to lay behind me and pulled me against his bare chest, his magic flowing into me and calming my frayed nerves. His arms were tight, pulling me against him, caressing the skin on my arms lightly. My screaming died down, but the tears remained. They flowed freely down my cheeks and onto the pillowcase, wetting a spot so soaked every night that it was stained with the salt water from my tears. It was the only time I cried anymore, the only time my emotions were raw enough to let the dratted things escape.
“Shhh… Siln?, it’s okay. To je v po?ádku.”
I leaned into Ilyan as he began to sing his song, the words whispered gently in my ear. As Ilyan sang, I sang with him, my voice shaky against my tears, the Czech words flowing roughly off of my tongue.
“Hush now child. Be still, be calm. The world will change at the new dawn. And when it does, you will see how you and I were meant to be.”
I sang it over and over again, long after Ilyan had fallen asleep, his arms still wrapped around me.
I wasn’t going to get any more sleep tonight. Ilyan’s arm around me had become a dead weight over my side. I wiggled a bit, the close contact making my nerves jump around.
I lifted his arm off me and slid from the bed and onto the floor, my knees coming up to press against my chest. I pulled my black hoodie over my knees, trapping the warmth against my body. I sat like that, fuzzy pink socks poking out, my eyes focused on the carpet that once held the dark stain of my rotten magic.
Ever since I survived the attack of my own magic on my body three months ago, I had been confined to the claustrophobic depths of the studio apartment I shared with Ilyan. I knew it was the only way to keep my magic hidden from Ryland and his father, but that didn’t help the ‘prisoner for life’ vibe it gave me. I was restrained inside of this space, Ilyan’s strong immovable shield around me at all times.
I had been trapped here with nothing to do but perfect, expand, and stretch my magic; I had thrown myself into preparing to fight, to keep myself alive for when I came face to face with Edmund. Even though I had such a strong desire to focus on, I still felt like I was dying inside; trapped between the tiny apartment of my reality and the undefined space that Ryland and I shared within our T?uha.
I couldn’t survive for very long without renewing my connection to Ryland through the T?uha. We found that out the hard way. More than a day and my body began to ache, my energy exhausted.