I took a step back until he was no longer touching me. “I’m trying, Leif,” I said, and I felt as though my heart was being torn from my body. “I’m trying not to see you as my enemy.”
He reached out and grabbed hold of my shoulders. “Ciara, you cannot continue to push me away. We’re about to go into battle together.” He gave my shoulders a little shake. “We may never see each other again alive after this. What can I do to make you see how much you mean to me?” Suddenly he straightened. “Sigrid said that now you’re strong enough to penetrate the j?tnar’s minds. You should try it on someone whose mind you couldn’t breach before.”
He had my full attention now. “You want me to try to take over your mind?”
“I trust you.”
His words were like shards of ice to my heart. “Still, I don’t think you realize just how . . . intimate it is. I could see your every thought and memory if I wanted to.”
“I’ll accept the risk.”
“I’ll be gentle,” I said. He smiled a sad smile.
I reached out with my mind and stepped through into his easily, as though I’d never been barred from Leif’s mind before. His thoughts swirled around me like leaves on the wind, and I snatched one free from his stream of consciousness.
It was me from the day we met on the battlefield, only it was an image of me I’d never seen in my own reflection. I brandished a sword against him, but instead of looking inexperienced and childlike as he’d once accused me of being, my whole body was taut with power. My black hair streamed behind me, my dark eyes flashing at him fiercely. I lifted my chin and met his gaze, and I could feel his reaction: it was as if he were ensnared in a spell.
Image after image appeared before me: me looking surprisingly beautiful in the cave in which I kept him prisoner—and Leif’s knowledge that he could escape, but chose not to, just to stay with me a little longer—hundreds of little moments remembered from traveling together on Sleipnir, the first moment we kissed, the many battles we’d fought together, seeing his own land through my eyes.
In every image, in every moment, I was beautiful and strong and passionate.
You love me, I thought, awestruck.
The revelation hurt me more at this moment than it would have to suddenly discover he didn’t care for me. He loved me, but I couldn’t move past the knowledge of who his father was.
I love you more than I’ve loved anything—even the thrill of battle. His words resounded through me, all the more intense because I could feel without a shadow of a doubt that he meant them.
The shock pulled me free of his mind, and once I returned to my body, he pulled me to my feet. His hand was warm on mine, and my heart pounded furiously in my chest.
“Now you know the truth,” Leif said.
I felt something inside me break.
The sun was setting when the longships beached on the shore of the river. Faster than I would have thought possible had I not seen it so many times before, the men disembarked. Sleipnir and Abrax were brought ashore, and my undead army followed. Leif mounted Abrax, and I pulled myself astride Sleipnir.
“We will attack after nightfall,” Leif said as we gathered around him. “We must kill as many as we can before they have the chance to grow into their giant height, but even in their smaller forms, they are faster and more skilled than you. Stay together.” His eyes met mine over the heads of all the others, and I nodded my assent. “Let’s go.”
The total number of men had swelled to over three hundred, and yet I still feared it wouldn’t be enough to stop the j?tnar.
Sleipnir and Abrax trotted side by side as we followed the river east toward Skien, leading the army to what would be death for the vast majority of them, at least the ones who were still living. Rúna rode a little behind us; there was no fear on her face, only determination. She and the other Northmen were glad to have the chance to die in battle, and though I didn’t share this particular sentiment, I was willing to do anything to stop the j?tnar.
The night sky was clear, the moon full, as though the heavens above had decided to lend us their aid. Our path was lit so well we did not need to light torches, and we marched onward, the landscape a blur of trees and hills and rocky ground.
We continued in silence, the horses’ hooves and the light clanking of weapons against chain mail the only distinguishable sounds. In the distance, light from fires in the city loomed. Unlike Leif’s village, this city was much larger—nearly the size of Dubhlinn—and was surrounded by a high wooden wall. Beyond it was the fjord, and I could only just make out the sails of numerous longships—perhaps thirty at the least. At the top of the next hill, Leif raised his arm, and the army came to a halt.
He waved one of his men forward—a tall and lanky man with a tattoo of a knotwork snake that slithered up from his neck to his ear. “Scout for us, Arn. I want to know the location of every guard.”
Arn sprinted down the hill, and the blood pounded in my ears. Anticipation was the hardest part of a battle. It always felt as though my body would burn up, the blood boiling inside me, every muscle taut. Once engaged in battle, though, all of those sensations would fall away. But more than anything, my body thrummed with the thrill of truly unleashing my power for the first time.
Leif did not give a stirring speech to raise morale for the battle ahead. These were hardened warriors, raiders who needed very little encouragement to pick up an axe or sword. I could see eagerness in the tightness of their grips on their weapons, the subtle shifts of their bodies, waiting for the word to be given to charge.
So it was for my ears alone when Leif leaned over and said, “Remember, we work together. We’ll take them down one by one, and we’ll use each other’s strengths to destroy them.”
I wanted to tell him I loved him, that I was glad I had come north with him, but I swallowed the words. To speak them aloud was a promise I wasn’t ready to make. I wanted to blame it on the horrible truth I’d discovered about his father, but I knew it wasn’t his father’s sins that stayed my tongue, or the fact that he was my enemy. The truth was: I was afraid. Fear clutched at my heart when I thought of what Leif had traded for his power. How could I tell him I loved him only to have him forfeit his life at the end of this? Worse, it would seem like a good-bye, and I refused to believe we wouldn’t survive this or that his life would be taken so soon—not after we had survived so much.
“Together,” I agreed.
He reached across and touched my thigh, and I squeezed his hand.
Arn returned, only lightly out of breath from his sprint to the city. “Only two guards posted at this gate, but they aren’t alert. They don’t expect an attack. There are five scouting near the quay, and two more at the back gate.”
“Then I will take over one guard and have him kill the other,” I said. When Leif made as if to protest, I continued before he could argue. “This is a job for stealth, not raw power. If you want to preserve the element of surprise, then you must let me do this.”
Leif nodded.
I touched my heels lightly to Sleipnir’s sides and trotted down the hill. Twenty of my undead clansmen flowed behind me and before me. I’d called them without even realizing it.
Sleipnir’s powerful legs ate up the distance, and it wasn’t long before I saw the guards Arn had scouted. They stood on either side of the barred gateway into the village beyond. They were true giants, as enormous as the ones we’d fought what felt like a lifetime ago. But as one drew into the light of a torch, I let out a faint breath. He might have had colossal height, but his face appeared human—handsome, even.
There was a terrible moment where this made me hesitate, as though only those who looked the part of a monster deserved to die, but then I came to my senses and dismounted.