chapter 2
Undead
The warm breeze washed over me when I stepped outside to get in my mud-smeared jet-black Jeep Wrangler to head to work. I welcomed the heat, inhaled deeply to let it move down my nose and throat. It felt like blazing fire at first, awakening the long-dormant life hidden away in my haven of a body. I was more than thrilled that it was summertime, had missed the uncomfortable hot weather and all its humid glory. My tank top already damp with perspiration, I stuck to the leather seat, my moist hair blowing effortlessly in the wind. It felt raw. Real. Alive.
I jumped on the highway heading for Lafayette, enjoying the sunshine as I drove, though after a year and a half, I was tiring of the trip to the city every day. I lived in the Breaux Bridge area, but was majoring in Literature at Louisiana State University, and worked in Lafayette too. There wasn’t much around my home except wide-open land, sparse neighbors, and a few family-owned restaurants and shops. I needed privacy though, and the rich French culture and history. A short commute to the city was a fair trade for my new life. Besides, I didn’t have classes this summer, so I wasn’t driving to and from Lafayette nearly as often.
In the bookstore parking lot, I put the car into park, lifted up my aviator shades and took a last drag off my cigarette, scanning the lot for any sign of his car. I hadn’t seen him in over a week, and I was hoping he took me seriously this time.
His dark blue Ford pickup wasn’t here. I threw an oversized oxford work shirt over my tank top, always thankful that it covered a multitude of sins, and popped a piece of gum in my mouth, gave a final glance around before I headed inside.
“The new release table’s looking kind of barren, Camille dear,” an annoyingly pleasant voice chimed as I stepped behind the front counter to clock in. Carol, my supervisor, specialized in the completely unnecessary. She watched me walk in the door every day for the past year and a half and do everything she ever asked me to, and then some. She knew I was reliable, that I loved my job, yet she made at least one condescending comment a day to me.
“I’ll be right on it,” I sang back just as pleasant, grabbing a stack of books to take to the new release table.
“Don’t be too long now. I have other things for you to do this morning.” She tilted her gaudy, librarianesque eyeglasses down for a second to look at me and gave me her signature mother hen stare. Rolling my eyes as soon as I had my head turned away from her, I shuffled on over to the table to appease her.
When she was out of sight, I snuck off to the most important section for my weekly ritual. I skimmed through the Hoodoo spellbooks to find some new protection spells, then slipped into the back room to make copies. None of them had worked yet, but I was new to the whole conjure thing, so I was optimistic.
I tucked the new spells into my pocket while I headed back to the new release table, pondering when would be a good time to swing by the conjure shop.
“So what’s it going to be this weekend, dinner and a movie?”
The question came from behind me. My body tensed, my shoulders instantly feeling the greatest effect. I clenched my jaw and swiveled around to peer up at a poisonous, yet undeniably angelic-looking face.
“You know I hate it when you do this,” I said. “And this is hardly the place.”
Times like this, I was grateful I looked so serious all the time. That helped when I needed to appear angrier. But I couldn’t maintain my stare. I swallowed and looked down first, then back up.
“Well maybe if you didn’t hide away from me all the time and actually answered my phone calls, a visit to your place of employment wouldn’t be necessary,” he said. He smirked, stepped a foot closer to me. “I don’t know why you fight it darlin’, you know you’re all talk.” His whisper trailed off as his sinister smile widened. “We both know you’ll never be strong enough.”
Nausea overwhelmed me when he rubbed his hand on my arm, giving me goose bumps. My body flinched with disgust.
His prisoner, I fought the impending paralysis and blinked my eyes, stretched my fingers outward, reminding them of their function. There were people all around who could see this. I was safe. He wouldn’t be so stupid. Not here. A thousand creeping anxieties scattered through my consciousness.
“Nothing is going on this weekend, Andrew. And we both know that you are going to stay away from me.” I gritted my teeth, glancing left and right to make sure we weren’t making a scene. “I am strong enough. I’ve changed, and I don’t care if you believe that or not--”
He grasped my arm, leaning in to speak directly in my ear. His smoky green eyes bored into mine, appraising me. “Oh, I do believe you’ve changed darlin’. I believe you’re more afraid now than you have ever been. And that fear inhibits your ability to be strong, sweetheart. Whether you believe that or not.”
He let my arm go abruptly and kissed my forehead before he turned to walk away. I shuddered at the touch of his lips on my skin.
“I’ll pick you up at six on Sunday, then.” He didn’t bother turning back to look at me. “Oh -- not this weekend, though. Next weekend. This weekend I’ll be out of town, have some things to take care of.” He pivoted his head around, winking at me. “You be good while I’m gone, now.”
Strolling out the front door, he left me like wounded prey to awaiting predators, hungry and ready to pounce. Shaken, I darted for the back of the store, hoping my coworkers wouldn’t notice. I had to get outside and breathe. I needed to be alone before I started breaking down, before my mind went to war with the intrusive, unwelcome hunters in my head.
I stepped out the back door from the inventory room and leaned up against the sun-heated concrete wall, tilting my head back, closing my eyes while I slid down the wall and landed with my knees up, sobbing. He would never let me go from this personal hell I created for myself. He would never let me free from the guilt and shame that consumed me for letting him into my life. He was the first person to befriend me when I moved here, someone I felt genuinely comfortable with.
I exhaled, shaking my head at my ridiculous, contradictory thoughts. How could I have had such poor judgment? The answer was clear despite my fragmented feelings. I asked myself this same question every single day, and after the spectacle he just pulled, I had to be honest with myself. A year and a half ago, he helped fill a void. But now my weakness was returning to haunt me in the very place I ran to, the place I came to give myself a new beginning.
I sat on the concrete, fighting the war raging inside my head, knowing Carol could come barging out here any second to fire me. But I couldn’t think about her or my job right now. The only thoughts I had were of my trip to Paris, how invigorated I felt there. And how free. How liberated I’d felt by myself, halfway across the world in a different country, a different culture, fully separate from everything back home that bound me to my past. No one knew me, and there was nothing in the city to remind me of anything familiar. I remembered imagining it must be what being reborn felt like, being able to assign new memories to the places and faces I encountered.
I’d come to Louisiana to make a future. I met him. Even if I failed, I must try to get away from him. It will never happen, unless ...
I knew I had to turn him in, get help. Get a restraining order. Something. Anything. I pulled the new spells from my pocket to stare at them. I had to get to the conjure shop fast and get the supplies I needed, before Audrey arrived.
Audrey. How was I going to keep all of this from her?
Somehow, I just would. I shot up from the ground, my heart pounding through my chest, whisked hair away from my face, angrily scrubbed tears from my eyes and cheeks. I straightened my work shirt and gulped a deep breath, then another, certain I looked deranged. I didn’t care. I had to run with this epiphany.
Louisiana was my Paris. That was why I moved here. Why should I blow my chance at a new life because I had a lapse in sanity and let this monster into my life, allow him to steal every ounce of my courage and dignity? If I was strong enough to walk away from the last abuser, uproot myself and move across the country, then I was strong enough to quit this sick addiction called Andrew.
A wind gust blew around me, and I looked up to see storm clouds. A crack of thunder made me reel as the back door swung open, slamming against the concrete wall. Carol stuck her head out, looked me up and down. “What on earth do you think you’re doing? You can’t just walk out here on the clock and leave the store like that! I’m sorry, but these fifteen-minute smoke breaks of yours can’t be tolerated--”
She stopped her rant when I turned to look at her. She must have seen my mess of a face. Embarrassment washed her expression and her eyes moved to her feet.
“I wasn’t smoking, Carol. If you can believe it.”
“Listen Camille,” she hesitated. “It’s that boy, isn’t it? I know it’s not my business, but I saw you with him just now. And,” she nervously ran her fingers through her big red Texas hair, “it didn’t settle right with me. Not at all. He gave me the creeps. I mean, the way he looked at you, and your body language, well ...”
She caught my scrutiny, pressed her lips together, then said, “I think he’s no good. And to see you distraught like this ...”
Distraught. Clever Carol. Her meddlesome inferences actually hit the nail right on the head.
“Well ... thanks, Carol. I appreciate your concern, but it’s okay. We’re just breaking up and I’m having a hard time with it.” That half-truth was the best I could manage.
“I understand. That’s the last you’ll hear from me about it. Just let me know if you need my help with anything.... If something goes wrong.”
“I’ll let you know. Really.”
She nodded briskly, turned for the door. “I better get back in there. Take a minute to get yourself together and come on back in. We have a lot to get done this morning.”
I watched her shut the door and exhaled, looked once more up at the sky. While I worked at compartmentalizing my troubles, my mind registered that Carol was much more perceptive than I ever gave her credit for. I would have to be more careful now. I shook that from my mind and instead thought about the decision I’d made, to finally get rid of Andrew and reclaim the new life that sat patiently in the womb, waiting to be born.
The sky was dark now, and the thunder grew more prominent. Hard, cold raindrops hit my skin and I shuddered. Water soaked my hair and my face, washing away the last of my tears and smeared mascara. As the rain cleansed my forehead, I could feel the malicious predators that had come to defeat me scamper off, leave in defeat. An irrational perseverance rose within me, produced a hopeful smile on my face. I reached for the door, held on tight to my second wind and hurried back inside.