My bloated stomach groaned and I discreetly undid the top two buttons of my skin-tight trousers as I sat down. Thank God for my long blouse, as I was straight back up again as James walked into the room.
‘Don’t get up on my account.’ He smiled, holding out his hand. ‘Nice to meet you, finally.’
Finally? I liked that. It implied that we’d been together longer than we really had. And Adam had clearly spoken about me.
I smiled tightly, suddenly aware of how awkward it felt to be sat with a complete, yet very relevant, stranger.
Adam hadn’t spoken much about James, aside from to say that they were polar opposites: Adam worked in a high-pressured job in the city, whereas James had started up a small landscaping business on the Kent–Sussex borders. Adam was the first to admit that he was motivated by money, yet James was quite happy to live from one day to the next, as long as he was outside doing what he loved.
I watched him as he sat down, then reached across for the salt and pepper, his mannerisms the same as Adam’s. They looked very much alike too, except James had longer hair and sharper features, his face unlined and without the telling strain of working in the city.
Maybe we’d all look like that if we weren’t out there, slaving away, fighting for the next deal and, no doubt, working ourselves into an early grave. Meanwhile, he just ambles along, doing what he loves, and hey, if he gets paid for it too, that’s just a bonus.
‘James here has had a bit of girl trouble,’ whispered Pammie conspiratorially.
‘Mum,’ he moaned. ‘I’m sure Emily doesn’t want to know about that.’
‘Of course she does,’ she said indignantly. ‘There isn’t a woman in this world who doesn’t love a gossip.’
I smiled and nodded, still summoning the strength to pick up my knife and fork.
‘Mind you, we’re not quite sure she was right for him in the first place, are we?’ she went on, clasping her hand around his as it rested on the table between mouthfuls.
‘Mum, please.’
‘I’m just saying, that’s all. Just saying what everyone is thinking. She had a lot of, what shall we call them? Issues. And if you ask me, he’s better off out of it.’
I managed a small bite of everything, bar the Brussels sprouts, eight of which were lolling about in a swathe of gravy.
‘Oh, goodness,’ Pammie cried, as she caught me putting my cutlery down. ‘Do you not like it? Have I done something wrong?’
‘Not at all,’ I replied, embarrassed by the boys’ concerned looks. ‘I’m just—’
‘You said you’d be hungry, though, didn’t you?’ she went on. ‘You said you’d be wanting tea when you got here?’
I nodded mutely. This isn’t tea from where I come from.
‘You feeling okay, Em?’ Adam asked.
‘Ah, young love,’ chirped Pammie. ‘I remember when my Jim used to fuss over me.’
‘Mum’s gone to a lot of trouble,’ said Adam quietly.
‘I’m fine, and it’s lovely, honestly – I’m just taking a break,’ I said, head down.
‘But Em, you’ve hardly touched it,’ she went on. The ‘Em’ seemed to sound sarcastic, like a taunting child in a playground.
I looked at her then, square in the eyes, careful to keep my features soft. She returned my stare, but I could have sworn there was almost a glint of smug satisfaction.
‘So, how’s things in the recruitment business?’ James asked me brightly.
Another tick. Adam’s certainly made himself busy.
‘I’m sure Emily doesn’t want to talk about work.’ Pammie laughed.
‘Sorry, I . . .’ he faltered.
‘I don’t mind,’ I said honestly. Anything to distract me from what was on my plate. ‘It’s still pretty strong in the sectors I work in, though the ever-present threat of online recruiting is snapping at our heels.’
He nodded. ‘And I guess the IT industry is hotter than ever?’ he said, patting Adam on the shoulder. ‘If anything this fella says is to go by.’
‘Ah, has he been bigging himself up again?’ I said, laughing. ‘The hot-shot IT executive.’
‘Something like that,’ James said, smiling.
‘I keep telling him that it’s old hat,’ I joked. ‘This tech thing will never last.’
I looked at Adam and he offered a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
James laughed and I felt I should look at him, but I could feel his eyes on me and didn’t know where to direct my gaze.
‘Maybe I should get my welly boots on and start shovelling manure with you, bro,’ said Adam, returning what I now saw as a patronizing pat of James’s shoulder. Funny, it hadn’t looked like that when James did it to Adam. I chastised myself for encouraging sibling rivalry; having a brother myself, I should know better.
James toyed with an errant sprout with his fork.
‘So, do you live locally?’ I asked, desperate to dispel the atmosphere that had flooded the room.
He nodded. ‘I’ve got a casual agreement with a guy a few villages away. He lets me a lodge on his estate in return for keeping the gardens neat and tidy.’
‘Trouble is, it’s this lass’s father,’ added Pammie.
I pulled a face and looked at him. ‘Ah, I see.’
‘It’s complicated,’ he said, as if to justify himself. ‘Another fine mess I’ve got myself into.’
I smiled. ‘So, how’s the horticultural business? Keeping you busy?’ I didn’t think it was my place to make conversation, but both Pammie and Adam were on mute, preferring instead to devour their dinner.
‘I love what I do,’ he said, with real conviction. ‘And, as people who love what they do often say, it’s a vocation, not a job.’
‘Ah, I used to say that when I was working in a shoe shop,’ I said. ‘All those poor feet needing help and assistance. I would have done it for nothing, such was my passion.’
His face broke into a wide grin, his gentle eyes not leaving mine. ‘You’re one of life’s true warriors. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.’ He held a hand to his chest and, for a moment, it felt like we were the only people there. The sound of Pammie and Adam’s knives and forks scraping their plates clean brought me back into the room.
‘Excuse me for a second,’ I said, rising from the table and pushing my chair back.
I’d eaten all I could manage, and my body was beginning to fight back, my intestines gripping and twisting. I didn’t know whether I was more panicked by that or the unsettled feeling that James had created in me. I was sure no one else had noticed, so did that mean I’d imagined it? I sincerely hoped so.
Once we’d cleared the table and tidied away in the kitchen, I waited until Pammie and James were out of earshot before leaning into Adam.
‘Do you fancy a walk?’ I asked him quietly.
‘Sure,’ he said. ‘I’ll get my coat.’
‘Where are you off to?’ Pammie asked Adam in the hall. ‘You’re not heading off, are you?’ There was panic in her voice. ‘I thought you were staying.’
‘We are, Mum. We’re just going for a stroll, to work off that delicious dinner.’
‘We?’ she asked. ‘What, you mean Emily’s staying as well?’
‘Of course. We’ll stay for the night and go home tomorrow after breakfast.’
‘Well, where is she going to sleep?’ her voice was quieter now.
‘With me,’ he declared.
‘Oh, I don’t think so, son. Young James is here as well. There’s not enough room.’
‘Well then, James can sleep on the sofa, and Emily and I will take the spare bedroom.’
‘You can’t be sleeping together in this house,’ she said, her voice wobbling. ‘That’s not right. It’s disrespectful.’
Adam laughed nervously. ‘Mum, I’m twenty-nine years old. It’s not like we’re teenagers.’
‘I don’t care how old you are. You’re not sleeping together under my roof. It wouldn’t be right. Anyways, Emily said she was staying in a hotel tonight.’
What? It was a good job I was still in the kitchen as it took all my resolve not to shove the tea towel in my mouth and bite down on it. At what point did I say I was staying in a hotel?
‘Emily was never going to go to a hotel, Mum,’ Adam said. ‘That wouldn’t make sense.’