I tried to pass by without saying anything, but she heard my footsteps and turned. “About time you got home. Thanks for the call.” Her words were snarky, but she looked concerned, and I wondered if I was part of the reason she was tired, which made me feel bad. I wasn’t sure which annoyed me more.
“I was at Ryan’s. I told you that.”
“You mentioned you might be going, but I’d appreciate it if you actually phoned home and kept us informed. I didn’t know how much food to make.”
“Okay, fine, whatever.” I walked down the hall.
She followed me out of the office. “No, it’s not fine. I’d like an apology.”
I threw a “Sorry” over my shoulder, then mumbled under my breath, “that you’re a control freak.”
“What did you just say?” She pushed open my bedroom door as I was taking off my T-shirt.
“Hey, a little privacy, please?”
“As long as you live in my house, you obey my rules, Toni. And we’ve asked you time and time again to call if you’re going to be late.”
I felt another wave of anger. She was always calling it her house, like we didn’t have a say in anything.
“I said I was sorry. Now can you leave it alone?”
“I don’t know what to do about you, Toni.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Your attitude has gotten even worse since you’ve been seeing Ryan.”
“You’re just on my case because you don’t like him.”
It sucked that my parents couldn’t see how good Ryan was, how good he was to me—he’d saved up to get me a necklace for my birthday, a black onyx star on this cool leather cord. They didn’t see the sweet letters he’d write me, not trying to be all tough like some guys. There wasn’t anything we couldn’t talk about, embarrassing stories, our hopes and dreams. Ryan made me feel like I was normal, better than normal. My parents just saw that his father was an ex-con and that Ryan drove a big loud truck and listened to heavy metal music.
“Ryan’s the only good thing in my life right now,” I said.
She leaned against my doorframe, took a breath, preparing for a this-is-for-your-own-good lecture.
“That’s the problem, Toni. He shouldn’t be the only good thing. I know you have strong feelings for him—I’m just worried that you’re forgetting everything else in your life. What about your other friends?”
“I still see my friends, but they have boyfriends too. Ryan and I like to do the same things. What’s wrong with spending time with him? You just hate him.”
Ryan rarely came by the house. Even though my mother was polite, I felt tense and uncomfortable—like she might count the silverware after he was gone. Dad and he talked about fishing and hunting, guy stuff. But one night after Ryan was over for dinner my dad came to my room and said, “Ryan seems like a nice boy, Toni, but you know his father’s another story. They aren’t the best people for you to be spending so much of your time with. Just think about it, will you?”
I was sure Mom had put him up to the conversation, one of those see-if-you-can-talk-sense-into-her things, but I felt betrayed. I’d thought my dad would see Ryan for who he really was. It was so unfair—Ryan wasn’t anything like his father. I didn’t speak to my dad for a week, and we never talked about Ryan again, not like that. He left it to Mom now.
“It’s not about whether I like him,” she said. “I just want you to have a future.” She took a breath, paused for a moment. “Look, when I was your age I had fun too, dated the bad boys, but I got married young and never got an education.” I knew my parents had gotten married when they were still in their twenties, but I didn’t know it bothered my mom. She quickly added, “I don’t regret getting married, but I wished I’d done a few things first, like go to college, so I could get a career of my own. You have lots of time to get serious with someone.”
“Just as long as it’s not someone like Ryan, right?”
“I’m saying you should keep your options open.”
“I love him.” I was near tears, which made me angrier. “Why can’t you see that? Don’t you want me to be happy?”
“You’re eighteen.”
“I still know what love is.”
“So keep dating him, but at least try to get into college this fall, take some courses, see what you want to do, but don’t give up on everything.”
She was trying to sound like she was on my side, but I knew she just wanted me to go to college so I could forget about Ryan and meet some guy who had a better future, according to her bullshit standards anyway.
“I don’t want to go to college—I’m not Nicole. I want to work for a while, save some money, then travel. I want to see the world.”
“That’s all fine, but you should have some sort of a plan.”
“That is my plan. As soon as I graduate and have enough saved, I’m moving out.”
“You’re moving out?” Her face looked stunned.
“I thought you’d be happy about that.”
“I hope you’re not moving in with Ryan.”
“You got it.”