Anger flared in Claire. She shook her head. "Not if she's innocent. And she doesn't know."
"Claire, you can't—" Claire laid her head on the table, not willing to look her mother in the eye. "She thought I was pregnant. She noticed some weird stuff was going on with me, but she thought it was because I was pregnant. She believes I'm human."
"Oh. And you—oh, my Goddess."
Claire lifted her head and stared at her mother, not caring that she out-ranked Claire in her human life as well as in the werewolf world. "And the thing is, I only know that because I didn't rush to take her life. I made a horrible mistake when I told the pack that she knew my secret. I had misunderstood her in the worst possible way, and I will take responsibility for that. If there are consequences, I will suffer them. But what happened today—the chance I took, that Matthew took, to find another way—that wasn't wrong. It saved Amy. And it saved me, too. I didn't want to end up like Judith." She stared down at the floor. "I couldn't end up like Judith. I'd rather be a seule. I'd rather be dead."
"Don't say that." Marie's voice was low, warning. "Judith has created a difficult life for herself. But she's no worse off than Katherine, who's doing her best to convince herself that she's really a human. Everyone has to make choices they don't like—do things they don't want to do. They live with it as best they can, and it's better than not living at all."
Claire shook her head. "I don't believe that. I want a better life than either of them, and I think I can find one. I know that the pack laws have been created for good reasons—that they're meant to keep us safe. But twice now I've done what I knew was right, even when the pack told me it was wrong. When I saved you last summer, and now, when I saved Amy."
Claire looked up at her mother. "I don't regret doing those things. You can punish me if you need to, but you can't make me regret it."
Marie ran a hand over her face, looking haggard in a way that she never had before. "I admit that when you have gone against the pack, it has worked in your favor. That your decisions have been sound. But you must work within our laws or you cannot be a member of the pack."
It wasn't an out-and-out threat to make Claire a seule, but it was enough to make Claire's stomach go liquid. She couldn't quit now, though. If she backed down, she'd just be sealing her fate.
"I've only ever tried to do what was right," she said.
Marie stared at her, looking deflated. "I know. And, though you have gone about it in a less than ideal way, you have proved that you are able to think through situations." She squared her shoulders. "But you have tried to circumvent both our laws and my commands, which is a direct affront to the entire pack. The consequences you face could be extremely serious. I will not lose control of this pack. Not even to save you." Her expression shadowed. "Not because I wish to sacrifice you." Her voice had gone hoarse. "But some things are bigger than our relationship. I wish you would understand that. It would save both of us a great deal of pain if you understood that."
Claire looked at her mother in silence for a long moment. "I think I do understand that," she said slowly. "That's why I couldn't kill Amy. Even if it meant something terrible for me."
Marie stared back at her. "I see your point, but I am not yet sure that you see mine. Now, go upstairs and go to bed." Marie turned and reached for the phone.
"Are you really sending me to my room?" Claire asked, astonished.
"Yes. You're so exhausted, you look positively gray. Go take a nap. I will call the rest of the pack and tell them what has happened. We will likely meet tonight, and whatever happens, you might as well be rested." Her mother looked like her old self as she barked the order at Claire. And as soon as she heard the words, Claire felt stunned by exhaustion.
In spite of the anxiety swirling inside her, she climbed the stairs and fell into bed. When her mother shook her awake, it was dark in Claire's room.
"Come. We are gathering soon, and you need to get ready," Marie whispered.
The mention of a gathering jolted her awake.
"I'll meet you downstairs," Marie said.
Claire rolled out of bed, yanked a brush through her napsnarled hair, and looked into the dark mirror. She'd told her mother that she was willing to face the pack. That she would accept whatever punishment they decided was appropriate. She'd meant it.
But that didn't mean she wasn't scared. There was a shining sphere of nerves spinning inside her with enough speed to make Claire feel unbalanced. She shook herself and went downstairs to meet her mother.
The two of them traveled the familiar path through the forest in silence. In spite of the fear that stroked her, there was a tiny glimmer of something solid, something good, that nestled inside Claire and kept her going. Whatever was going to happen, it was better than killing Amy. Even if the pack cast her out, made her a seule, she'd know that she'd made the right choice.