Shay hugs Bebe for a long time. Watching them, I feel like an asshole for letting Creepy Spencer live long enough to put these girls in danger. Sure, the order came down from Trigger. Except I could have killed the pervert later and made his death look like an accident. I’m a fucking enforcer, yet never thought to destroy a threat to my woman. Just because a fucker like Trigger told me to obey.
After Darby catches a ride from Jenn, the women arrive to pick up Bebe. In the backseat, Lula reaches for her mother who tells Shay goodbye.
Once the SUV speeds away, Shay waves long after it’s gone. I frown at her and she frowns at me.
“Did you bang your head?” I ask.
“No more than I do when you’re fucking me too close to the headboard.”
Smiling, I rub my eyes. “I’m taking you to my place.”
“I assumed that when Jenn left before I could get into the car.”
“Are you okay?”
Her gray eyes focus on me and she sighs. “I’m going to cry when we get to your house. You’ll want to prepare for that.”
“I have headphones,” I say, climbing on the Harley then helping her get on behind me. “It’ll be fine.”
Shay holds on tight and I check her at every light. Unsure if she’s scared or upset over the dead creeper, I guess it doesn’t matter. Shay needs to feel safe and I spend the night ensuring she does.
Once we’re home, Shay learns she can’t handle pain meds. She throws up within a half hour of taking the first dose. She cleans up then asks if I want to take her home. I tell her no. We’ll play this game all night.
Shay sits with me in the dark. Her mind is on tonight while I replay the night I had Creepy Spencer hanging upside down in the freezer. I should have killed him. He should have been dead and dumped in the quarry. I let him live. The club gave me an order and I followed it like a fucking dog. When the hell did I lose my balls?
Shay cries throughout the night, though she never truly lets go. Most of her sobs are strangled. Even admiring her strength, I’m pissed and want revenge. Except Creepy Spencer is dead and I’m stuck feeling like shit all night.
“You can’t sleep with all my crying,” she says around two am. “Should I go home?”
“Do you want to go home?”
Shay stares at me in the dark room with only the flickering TV screen lighting her face. I think she wants to leave, but she always shakes her head when I ask.
“I’m scared,” she whispers more than once.
Holding Shay against me, I hate the club whenever I feel her shaking.
“Why didn’t he kill me?” she asks as the sun rises. “He could have killed me more than once when we were fighting. Why didn’t he?”
Resting on our sides watching each other, we wait for fatigue to force one of us asleep.
“Creepy Spencer didn’t kill women. He raped and tortured them until they were too scared to tell anyone. Killing you was never part of his plan.”
Her eyes half closed, Shay nods. “I don’t know if I have the courage to live here.”
Finally, she says the words she hinted at all night. Every time Shay asked if she should go home, her mind was never on Darby’s house. She was thinking of Hawthorne, Georgia. Little Memphis tore off its mask tonight and she can’t stomach the ugly truth. I don’t blame her.
“I’ll get you a gun,” I whisper.
Shay stares at me and understands I can’t let her go. If she wants to run, she’ll have to do it by stomping on my heart. A better man might give her an out and make the choice easier.
Shay now sees me without my mask and I’m not sure she can stomach this truth either.
48
Shay
Crossroads
Bebe and I don’t talk about what happened with Creepy Spencer. We’re both thinking about it though. He reminded us how easily our lives can be ruined. We won, mostly because he didn’t intend to kill me while I was perfectly okay with killing him. I guess we won because I was colder than a pervert. Ford proved to be the coldest of all.
“I think I might go back to Hawthorne and see my brothers.”
Bebe and I sit on the front porch watching Lula chase autumn leaves swirling around the yard. The sun feels good today as the season grows colder. I know the weather won’t be so chilly in Georgia.
“Are you coming back?” she asks.
Wrapping my arms around me, I shrug. “I don’t know. I love Ford, but I don’t think he can love me. There’s stuff I like about Little Memphis, but other things that I don’t think I can handle. I’m confused about the right answer. I came here because of a moment of weakness. Choosing to leave isn’t as easy.”
Bebe leans her head against my shoulder. “What’s so great about Hawthorne that you can’t find here?”
Smiling slightly, I take her hand. “When I’m here with you and Darby or out with the girls, I feel like this place is a paradise I never knew before. It’s much better than Hawthorne. Then I think about my brothers and feel like I need to return to that life.”
“What about Ford?”