"You'd think that. So many people think stuff isn't our business. Then, after a sufficient amount of convincing, they realize they're wrong."
"Are you threatening me?" I growl, glaring at Colbie.
Smiling, she nods. "I like when you get all pissy. Looks good on you. So why did you dump Sawyer? You didn't really just want another hole, did you? I want to like you, but that's a schmuck move."
With the three of them watching me, I struggle against the urge to squirm. I look over my shoulder to find Mama May Dee standing nearby, waiting for my answer. Hell, even the dogs are staring at me.
"I don't know."
"No, you really don't," Bodie says, standing up. "Don't feel bad about the inquisition. We ask people shit all the time."
"You must be popular at parties," I mutter.
"People never complain. Wanna guess why?"
"Because you're crazy fuckers?"
Bodie grins. "Yeah, that's about it."
Standing up, Colbie and Zane carry their plates to the kitchen. Bodie follows them. Watching the siblings, I wonder if they share a hive mind. Or maybe they're so rich, they don't think to behave normally.
I'm so desperate for a normal reaction that I look to the dog for reassurance. The Doberman stares back at me without a hint of pity.
The siblings walk outside and the indifferent dog hurries after them. While they sit outside in the hot sun, I remain in the kitchen. Mama May Dee cleans up and leaves without speaking a word to me.
I wait for nearly an hour for Sawyer to return. When she doesn't, I decide to leave once the siblings walk inside. Colbie mentions they'll see me at Dust Harbor for dinner. I thank her for lunch, but she's busy curling up on a couch.
Driving away, I think about the day I ended things with Sawyer. My reasoning feels alien now, but I was certain back then. For all these months, I believed we were better off apart. I never asked myself why. Every time I missed Sawyer, I pretended I understood why I left her. Now, I feel stupid.
Did I think dumping Sawyer would make me better in Cooper's eyes? He never seemed too bummed about us breaking up. Had my need to fit in and find acceptance led me to fuck up the best thing I had?
Or was I just a loser? Stupid men make stupid decisions. Did I mess things up with Sawyer because I felt unworthy or because I felt she was unworthy? How could I not know why even after all this time?
Until the day I left Sawyer, I was seeing the same therapist I'd worked with since the Todds adopted me. I stopped seeing him, telling Mom I didn't need a shrink anymore. In reality, I was afraid of what he'd tell me when I explained I'd left the woman I loved. Better for me to live in denial than hear the awful truth.
For nine months, I successfully embraced a plan of not dealing with my actions. Now in Texas for less than two days, I find this strategy slipping out of my grasp.
Chapter 9
Sawyer
Little Honey
Hiding upstairs until I hear Jace's Harley roaring away, I peer out of the blinds to make sure he's really leaving. I relax slightly, yet my chest hurts. He was once my friend. Now, I hate him. Even sad over how everything turned out, I refuse to feel guilty for making him feel like shit. If he hadn't left me, I would have loved him forever.
Downstairs, I find the siblings napping in the large family room. The dogs sleep too with only Bodie's cat licking his ass in the otherwise quiet room.
I move through the house, looking for someone to distract me from the emptiness in my heart. In a smaller living room, Mama Hilde snores on the couch. When we first met, the Greek nanny said she would pray for my hair.
Nearby, a snoring JJ stretches out in a La-Z-Boy. Snuggled in the chair, his wiener dog snores too.
I find no one else awake in the quiet house. Part of me wants to explore this expansive property, but another part is afraid to get lost in the labyrinth. Returning to my bedroom, I remain restless.
Before Jace showed up, I saw a chance to dig my way out of the grief from losing Pop. Now, I'm stuck missing my father while hating my first love.
I dial my phone without thinking. Bailey answers on the second ring.
"How's your vacation?" my sister asks.
"I'm not on vacation. I'm moving here."
"Okay."
"How are the boys?" I ask, imagining Bailey's three sons with her too sweet for her husband Nick.
"They miss you."
"Really?"
"No. Why would they?"
"Why say that then?" I mutter.
"I was trying to be nice."
"Try harder."
"I hear Texas has lots of weirdoes."
"Look in the mirror."
Bailey laughs. "I am, and the view is fabulous!"
Her arrogance soothes me, and I laugh too. "I miss you."
"I miss you too. It's weird, but I feel like the bitch level has fallen frighteningly low since you left."
"Well, I'm not coming back. No matter what Cooper says."
"Yeah, he's freaking out. I told him that you were on vacation, like Mom on her cruise. He says you shouldn't be alone."
"So he sent Jace."
"At least, you have someone sexy to look at."
"Bitch."
"It's been almost a year."
"If a guy dumped you, would you let it go?"
"Lots of guys dumped me."
"Yeah, I know."