“Yes, it is,” said Cindy, “I don’t want to talk about it at all.”
While Ann baked cookies, Cindy worked in the garden, planting autumn mums. Word got around town quickly that Cindy was back and to her surprise, she received a call from Al, Clint’s best man. He wanted to take her to dinner and find out how things had been. Even though Ann encouraged her to go, Cindy couldn’t bring herself to do it. Too much water had passed under the damn. It was surprising and relieving for her to realize that she no longer wanted or needed old ties to Clint. Life here would have been different with him, but he wasn’t here anymore and she had to find a way to move on. She had to find a place and life where she was welcome and fit in.
When it came time for Ann to leave, Cindy drove her to the airport, and promised to stay in close touch. As Ann walked through the gate, Cindy felt her stomach drop, as though a trusted anchor was floating away.
Cindy drove back slowly, taking detours and winding side roads, looking at the trees, homes and neighborhoods, wondering what she was doing here. Once she came to her house, she pulled up into the driveway and sat in the car. Did she really belong here anymore? Was she simply a ghost now, haunting old places, re-visiting old memories?
She got out of the car and went into the house. Cindy drifted through the rooms alone now, trying to gain her bearings. As she walked, her eyes fell on the beautiful bible the pastor, Tom Mallard, have given her after Clint passed. She went to the end table, picked it up and opened it randomly. To her amazement the page had one of the same passages that had she loved and that had struck her so forcefully before.
For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and what is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open.
Cindy sat down and stared at the words as evening began falling. She shivered as she realized that the long, lonely nights of winter were close by. The passage she read was a perfect description of the work she’d been doing, the direction her life had taken her in. What were the chances that she’d open to exactly the same page that had meant so much to her then? What was it telling her about her life today?
CHAPTER 4
Early the next morning Cindy went out into the garden, first thing. Being close to the earth always calmed her and brought the insight she needed. She was going to put a decision about what to do next on back burner for now, and focus on planting autumn flowers.
As she scraped the earth in a soft rhythm, her cell phone rang. Cindy took it out of her pocked. It was probably Ann checking in to see how Cindy was doing. She looked forward to saying hello and thanking her again for being so wonderful.
“Cindy? Is that you?” To her horror it was Mattheus.
Cindy took a deep, painful breath. “Yes,” she said in a perfunctory, business like tone.
“Listen this is crazy,” Mattheus started. His voice sounded strange, a bit slurred.
Cindy had no desire to get into a conversation with him first thing in the morning. She had plans for the day. She wanted to stay calm.
“Mattheus, what are you calling about?”
“I want you to come back,” he said bluntly.
Cindy shivered. “Not now. I can’t.”
“You’re being stubborn and unreasonable,” he went on. “We’ve always gotten past our differences before.”
“What’s unreasonable about expecting you to keep your word?” Cindy flared up, as a cool breeze played with her face.
“Nothing,” he said, suddenly sorrowfully. “I said we’d have some time alone together. We did. I thought it was enough.”
Enough? Cindy had no idea what to do with that.
“You had your fill?” she asked flippantly.
“You’re building a case against me,” Mattheus’s voice sounded strained. “I just meant we always got excited to go out on a new case together.”
“Mattheus, I’m busy now, I have things to do.”
“Why are you being so stubborn?” He sounded exhausted.
“I’m not the one who was stubborn,” Cindy corrected him.
“Okay, you’re right,” he went on, sounding defeated. “Look, we’ve both had a hard time with love. We’ve made our mistakes. We’ve been defeated.”
What’s this, Cindy thought, a litany?
“You’re right about everything,” Mattheus persisted, “just please come back.”
There was no point in having this conversation now, Cindy thought. She’d just barely returned. They both needed plenty of time to digest everything. What made the most sense was to hang up the phone.
“Mattheus, I have to go now,” said Cindy as she prepared to disconnect.
“Don’t hang up,” he called out in a hollow tone. “Wait a second. It’s not what you think.”
This was an awful way to start the day, Cindy started to feel agitated.
“We’ll talk about it later,” she said, “some other time.”
“Cindy. It’s urgent. I wouldn’t have called you if it wasn’t. I have a new case. I need your help.”