Damaged and the Knight (Damaged #2)

Since the silence bored me and I didn’t like the music we were listening to, I decided to talk until he told me to shut up.

“My mom might be dead,” I said, staring out the window. “Or she might just be hiding.”

“Do you care which way it turns out?” When I shook my head, Judd nodded. “My dad disappeared years ago. Some people say he’s living in Mexico. Most think he’s dead. I prefer the last one. No harm in hoping for the death of people who have it coming.”

“She wasn’t a good person.”

“No doubt.”

“She stole my sister’s money. Farah worked hard for that money, but my mom didn’t care. She also attacked Farah. My mom was a bad person.”

Judd glanced at me and nodded again. “But you wished she was dead long ago.”

“She didn’t love me,” I whispered.

“Don’t feel bad. Some people have no hearts. You can’t expect defective fucks to be able to love. Nothing you did or didn’t do can change a person like that.”

“My dad is a bad person too. I come from bad people.”

“You and me both.”

“Is your mom bad?”

“No,” he said, his voice softening. “She’s weak though. Not really cowardly, but broken down and never able to heal her wounds. Mom’s a good woman, but good won’t keep a person safe. Just like love can’t fix fucked up losers like your parents. You can only cut the evil fucks loose and protect those you love. Otherwise, life just does the rest and we have no say in it.”

Watching Judd, I liked how he didn’t judge me for hating my mom. Farah had wanted so badly to love our shit mother, as if love alone could make Amy into someone better.

For me, Mom was dead the moment she ran away and left us to become sex toys for a gang of violent bikers. Even if she’d returned and hugged away all the misery, she was still the one who sentenced me to listen to my sister scream, cry, and beg. I still heard Farah begging in my nightmares and that pain was on my parents. They were both evil. I just had to pretend more with Dad because he was the one in charge of feeding us all these years.

“Your dad did that to your face,” Judd said, his voice hard now.

“He owes a lot of money to some guys and he thought he could get the money from some dealers who owed him. They didn’t give him anything and he got angry because I didn’t make him any money.”

“Make him money how?” Judd asked, glancing at me with those cold eyes.

“I dropped out of school when I was sixteen, so my dad had me work two jobs usually. Waitressing mostly, but I was also a maid sometimes. I worked as a store clerk before, but Dad liked the other jobs better. Waitressing brings tips and I could steal as a maid.”

“He ever do anything else?”

Staring at Judd, I knew what he was asking. In our family, we didn’t discuss our dirty secrets. We hid from the truth and let pain fester. I had spent my whole life having people tell me to keep my mouth shut. I was never to tell anyone anything and I should trust no one. My mom was probably dead though. My dad was off somewhere, maybe dead too. I didn’t have to do what they said anymore.

I could say what I wanted. Eat what I wanted too, like when Judd said nothing about me having two muffins for breakfast. My dad would have told me to stop being a pig. When I was a kid, my mom always told me I was fat because he didn’t like spending money on food.

Judd didn’t care though. As long as I didn’t cry, talk too much, or puke, he didn’t mind me eating. Farah wouldn’t care either. She said Cooper was always feeding her and apparently the Johanssons ate constantly. Eating was no big deal there. Maybe secrets weren’t either.

“He never touched me like you mean,” I said then added quickly, “He said if he came back without the money he needed that I would have to earn it for him. He didn’t mean waitressing.”

Judd showed no reaction. “Did he know about those fuckers at the motel?”

“I think he planned to have them pay.” Even ashamed to say the words, I was also excited to admit ugly things out loud. “I think he told them if they waited he would give me to them. I think that’s why they didn’t break through the window. I also think that’s why the lady at the convenience store wouldn’t help me. I think they knew what I was there for and they didn’t want me to leave. That’s what I think anyway.”

Face devoid of emotion, Judd nodded. “Your dad knows about Ellsberg?”

“Yes.”

“Think he’ll come?”

“If he needs money and thinks he can get it from us, yes.”

“I hope he comes and Cooper gives me the job to deal with him. You know what I’ll do to your old man?”