“It doesn’t matter how I feel, you love me!” her scream echoes off the surrounding apartments.
“No, I loved you. Every crazy ounce of you. You have to know that. You stormed into my life and in one night you wrecked and ruined me, then seven years later you did it all over again. I loved you Sarah Erickson, and wherever she may be in the heavens tonight, I’ll always love her. However, I don’t love you.”
“It’s still me. I’m just different.”
My heart breaks at her admission. She has no idea how many times I told myself that over the last few years. Those words are the main reason I held on as long as I did.
“I can’t keep trying to fix you. I have to accept that maybe you aren’t really broken at all. This is who you are now. I just wish you would stop trying to kill this new person too.”
“I can’t stop,” she whimpers. “I don’t want to live this life anymore. You’re all I have left after the accident, and now you’re leaving me too.”
“I’m not leaving you, sweetheart. We both need to move on from the accident. I can’t take care of you anymore. I’m sorry I forced myself into your life. That wasn’t fair to you, but I couldn’t walk away. I felt like you needed me, when in reality you just needed space.”
“I don’t need space. I don’t know what I need, but I know it’s not more space,” she says in a voice so broken, any other day it would have me reaching to comfort her. Not today though. Not ever again.
“I heard her screaming for you, Brett. The minute she called your name, you were gone. How can you say you’re not leaving me? That’s exactly what you’re doing.”
“This isn’t about her. This is about me and you, Sarah.”
She switches gears again and begins to laugh, “You can’t honestly say that. You think that little girl is going to make you happy? I’ve seen y’all together. She might be a quick fix right now, but it won’t last. You might forget it, but I know you. You’ll get bored. I saw y’all at the ball. You had to drag her onto the dance floor. You love to dance.”
“No, Sarah. I loved to dance because you loved it. I actually hate to dance. And why the hell were you at the ball?” It suddenly dawns on me that Sarah has been watching us all along. The picture that mysteriously appeared on my desk was her way of letting me know it too.
“You took the picture?” I ask in disbelief.
“Yes, and I broke it today too. I can’t believe you had Caleb frame it for you. That was something special he only did for Manda, and you had the audacity to put a picture of her in one of Manda’s frames.”
“How the hell did you see the frame? Were you in my apartment?” I ask in shock. Suddenly all the details of the day snap into place. “Shit, that’s one of my guns isn’t it?”
“Oh, don’t sound so surprised. I really thought you would have changed the combination to your safe over the last four years. Before you go and get all ‘officer of the law’ on me, technically, I didn’t break in either. You gave me a key years ago.”
“So you decided to do what? To use my gun to hurt Jesse? Destroy me once again? What the hell is going through your mind right now?”
“She won’t make you happy!” she screams breaking down all over again.
“And you will? Listen to yourself. You don’t want me, you just can’t stand the idea that I don’t want you. This whole situation sucks because there is no one to blame. Not you. Not me. Just the crazy fucked up universe. If I could just point a finger at someone, I think I could have handled this a little better. I’m pretty sure that’s the only way Caleb has been able to survive losing Manda. Blaming you.”
I hear her sobs from around the corner. I need to see her. I know it’s going to scare Jesse, but I need to look into Sarah’s eyes when I say these next words. She needs to know I mean them with every fiber of my being.
I turn to lock eyes with Jesse and whisper, “I’m sorry for this too.”
Just as her eyes go wide with fear, I step around the corner coming face to face with the barrel of Sarah’s gun.
Her hands are shaking and her eyes are wild. Despite the fact that she’s already shot at me once tonight, I know she won’t do it again. I don’t know why I know that with such certainty, but I do. I slowly reach forward and push the gun down.
“Sarah, I don’t blame you for the wreck. Not even a little bit. Even if you were drunk that night, I know you never would have chosen this life for any of us. You were…you are a good person. Give me the gun, sweetheart.”
“No.” She begins to frantically back away from me.